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  • #1
    Rick Riordan
    “Lo!" I said. "I arrived at Camp Half-Blood as Lester Papadopoulos!"
    "A pathetic mortal!" Calypso chorused. "Most worthless of teens!"
    I glared at her, but I didn't dare stop my performance again. "I overcame many challenges with my companion, Meg McCaffrey!"
    "He means his master!" Calypso added. "A twelve-year-old girl! Behold her pathetic slave, Lester, most worthless of teens!"
    The policeman huffed impatiently. "We know all this. The emperor told us."
    "Shh," said Nanette. "Be polite."
    I put my hand over my heart. "We secured the Grove of Dodona, an ancient Oracle, and thwarted the plans of Nero! But, alas, Meg McCaffrey fled from me. Her evil stepfather had poisoned her mind!"
    "Poison!" Calypso cried. "Like the breath of Lester Papadopoulos, most worthless of teens!"
    I resisted the urge to push Calypso into the flower bed.
    Meanwhile, Leo was making his way towards the bulldozer under the guise of an interpretive dance routine, spinning and gasping and pantomiming my words. He looked like a hallucinating ballerina in boxer shorts, but the blemmyae politely got out of his way.
    "Lo!" I shouted. "From the Oracle of Dodona we received a prophecy - a limerick most terrible!"
    "Terrible!" Calypso chorused. "Like the skills of Lester, most worthless of teens!"
    "Vary your adjectives," I grumbled, then continued for my audience: "We travelled west in search of another Oracle, along the way fighting many fearsome foes! The Cyclopes we brought low!”
    Rick Riordan, The Dark Prophecy
    tags: humor

  • #2
    Rick Riordan
    “Bow and quiver coming up," Nico said.
    "And ukelele," Will added.
    Nico winced. "Do we really hate Python that much?"
    Will raised an eyebrow.”
    Rick Riordan, The Tower of Nero

  • #3
    Stephanie Garber
    “Where were you?” she asked.
    “I was killing innocent maidens and kicking puppies.”
    “Jacks, that’s not funny.”
    Stephanie Garber, The Ballad of Never After

  • #4
    Rick Riordan
    “He turned, registering a face with blond hair, and for a split second he thought it was Will Solace. When Nico realized it was Jason, he was disappointed. Then he felt angry with himself for feeling that way.”
    Rick Riordan, The Blood of Olympus

  • #5
    Rick Riordan
    “Nico wasn't sure whether to kick himself or Will Solace. If he hadn’t been so distracted bickering with the son of Apollo, he would never have allowed the enemy to get so close.”
    Rick Riordan, The Blood of Olympus

  • #6
    Rick Riordan
    “Hazel squinted. "How far?"
    "Just over the river and through the woods."
    Percy raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? To Grandmother's house we go?"
    Frank cleared his throat. "Yeah, anyway.”
    Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

  • #7
    Rick Riordan
    “They all ordered massive plates of eggs, pancakes, and reindeer sausage, though Frank looked a little worried about the reindeer. "You think it's okay that we're eating Rudolph?"

    "Dude," Percy said, "I could eat Prancer and Blitzen, too. I'm hungry.”
    Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

  • #8
    Rick Riordan
    “There's another problem," Percy said. "I'm not good with air travel. It's dangerous for a son of Neptune."
    "You'll have to risk it...and so will I," Frank said. "By the way, we're related."
    Percy almost stumbled off the roof. "What?”
    Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

  • #9
    Tricia Levenseller
    “I think you’re acting like a jealous husband.”
    “A what?”
    “You know, men that women shackle themselves onto.”
    Tricia Levenseller, Daughter of the Pirate King

  • #10
    Rick Riordan
    “Reyna looked at Percy without much hope. “You do have a plan?”
    Percy wanted to step forward bravely and say, No, I don’t!
    Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

  • #11
    Rick Riordan
    “What are these guys?" He whispered
    "Canadians," Percy said.
    Frank leaned away from him. "Excuse me?"
    "Uh, no offense," Percy said. "That's what Annabeth called them when I fought them before. She said they live in the north, in Canada."
    "Yeah, well," Frank grumbled, "we're in Canada. I'm Canadian. But I've never seen those things before.”
    Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

  • #12
    Rick Riordan
    “He had been born in Mussolini’s Italy. He had survived decades in the time-warp reality of the Lotus Casino. He’d emerged in modern times disoriented and culture-shocked, arrived at Camp Half-Blood, and promptly lost his sister Bianca to a dangerous quest. He had wandered the Labyrinth in self-imposed exile, being tortured and brainwashed by a malevolent ghost. He’d overcome everyone’s distrust and emerged from the Battle of Manhattan as a hero. He’d been captured by giants during the rise of Gaea. He’d wandered Tartarus alone and somehow managed to come out alive. And through it all, he’d struggled with his upbringing as a conservative Catholic Italian male from the 1930s and finally learned to accept himself as a young gay man. Anyone who could survive all that had more resilience than Stygian iron.”
    Rick Riordan, The Tower of Nero

  • #13
    Rick Riordan
    “My two greatest loves were, of course, Daphne and Hyacinthus, but when you're a god as popular as I am--
    Hold on. Did I just tell you who I liked? I did, didn't I? Gods of Olympus, forget I mentioned their names! I am so embarrassed. Please don't say anything. In this mortal life, I've never been in love with anyone!
    I am so confused.”
    Rick Riordan, The Hidden Oracle

  • #14
    Tricia Levenseller
    “Once he reaches my ribs, he moves his hands to my arms, running them up to my shoulder.
    “I don’t know what you’re wearing,” he says. “But I like it.”
    “Custom-made,” I say.
    “And then stolen by you?”
    I shrug. “What are you doing?”
    “What does it look like I’m doing?”
    “You’re touching me.”
    “I’m trying to get my key back.”
    “Sounds like an excuse to touch me.”
    He smiles and leans forward so his mouth is at my ear. “I don’t see you stopping me.”
    “If I had, I wouldn’t be able to do this.”
    His eyes shoot up in alarm, but he doesn’t have enough time to guess what I’m about to do until I’ve already done it.
    Yes, I knee him. Right between the legs.
    He takes some time to recover. Enough for me to exit the cell and lock him in.
    He stares at me levelly. “That was low.”
    Tricia Levenseller, Daughter of the Pirate King

  • #15
    Rick Riordan
    “Nico,” I said at last, “shouldn’t you be sitting at the Hades table?”

    He shrugged. “Technically, yes. But if I sit alone at my table, strange things happen. Cracks open in the floor. Zombies crawl out and start roaming around. It’s a mood disorder. I can’t control it. That’s what I told Chiron.”

    “And is it true?” I asked.

    Nico smiled thinly. “I have a note from my doctor.”

    Will raised his hand. “I’m his doctor.”

    “Chiron decided it wasn’t worth arguing about,” Nico said. “As long as I sit at a table with other people, like…oh, these guys for instance…the zombies stay away. Everybody’s happier.”

    Will nodded serenely. “It’s the strangest thing. Not that Nico would ever misuse his powers to get what he wants.”

    “Of course not,” Nico agreed.”
    Rick Riordan, The Hidden Oracle

  • #16
    Rick Riordan
    “Can we just call them storm spirits?” Leo asked. “Venti makes them sound like evil espresso drinks.”
    Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

  • #17
    Rick Riordan
    “Gaea?” Leo shook his head. “Isn’t that Mother Nature? She’s supposed to have, like, flowers in her hair and birds singing around her and dear and rabbits doing her laundry.”
    “Leo, that’s Snow White,” Piper said.”
    Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

  • #18
    Rick Riordan
    “Piper gripped his hand and followed him, “If I fall, you’re catching me.” “Uh, sure.” Jason hoped he wasn’t blushing.
    Leo stepped out next. “You’re catching me, too, Superman. But I ain’t holding your hand.”
    Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

  • #19
    Rick Riordan
    “Leo: "So...giants who can throw mountains. Friendly wolves that will eat us if we show weakness. Evil espresso drinks. Gotcha. Maybe this isn't the best time to bring up my psycho babysitter."
    Piper: "Is that another joke?”
    Rick Riordan, The Lost Hero

  • #20
    Rick Riordan
    “had forgotten about the power of shadow-traveling—the way children of the Underworld could step into one shadow and appear from another, sometimes hundreds of miles away. Hades used to love sneaking up on me that way and yelling, “HI!” just as I shot an arrow of death. He found it amusing if I missed my target and accidentally wiped out the wrong city.”
    Rick Riordan, The Hidden Oracle

  • #21
    Rick Riordan
    “Will, Kayla, Austin,” I said, “come with me.” “And Nico,” said Nico. “I have a doctor’s note.”
    Rick Riordan, The Hidden Oracle

  • #22
    Rick Riordan
    “-¿Podrías evitar…?
    -Prefieres “amigo especial”? -preguntó Will-. ¿O “media naranja”?
    -Medio incordio, en tu caso -gruñó Nico.
    -Me las pagarás.”
    Rick Riordan, The Hidden Oracle

  • #23
    Rick Riordan
    “Leo plunked the cheese wheel in front of me. "Cut me a wedge of this, my good ma. Chop-chop!"
    I scowled at him. "Don't test me, Valdez. When I am a god again, I will make a constellation out of you. I will call it the Small Exploding Latino."
    "I like it!" He patted my shoulder, causing my knife to jiggle.
    Did no one fear the wrath of the gods any more?”
    Rick Riordan, The Dark Prophecy
    tags: humor

  • #24
    Rick Riordan
    “Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said.
    The horse whinnied angrily.
    "I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'.
    Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

  • #25
    Rick Riordan
    “Percy scowled. "I-I know you."
    Nico raised his eyebrows. "Do you?”
    Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

  • #26
    Rick Riordan
    “This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or..."
    "Repair boy."
    "Very funny, Piper.”
    Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

  • #27
    Rick Riordan
    “I'm gonna be percy Jackson when I grow up," she told Hazel solemnly.
    Hazel Smiled and ruffled her hair. "That's a good thing to be, Julia."
    "Although," Frank said. "Frank Zhang would be good too.”
    Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune

  • #28
    Rick Riordan
    “You're Meg McCaffrey," he decided.
    "Yep."
    "Cool. I'm Leo. And, uh..." He pointed at me. "I understand you can, like, control this guy?"
    I cleared my throat. "We merely cooperate! I'm not controlled by anyone. Right, Meg?"
    "Slap yourself," Meg commanded.
    I slapped myself.
    Leo grinned. "Oh, this is too good. I'm going to check on Calypso, but later we need to talk." He slid down the ladder railings, leaving me with a deep sense of foreboding.”
    Rick Riordan, The Dark Prophecy
    tags: humor

  • #29
    Rick Riordan
    “She stepped back and frowned at me. "Open it."
    "Me?" I felt sure she was picking on me because I was the only enslaved god she had. "I'm not Hermes! I'm not even Valdez!"
    "Try."
    As if that were a simple request! I attempted to get my fingertips under the edge and prise it open. I spread my arms and yelled the standard magic words: MELLON! SHAZAM! SESAME STREET! None of these worked. At last I tried my infallible ace in the hole. I sang 'Love Is an Open Door' from the Frozen soundtrack. Even this failed.
    "Impossible!" I cried. "This door has no taste in music!”
    Rick Riordan, The Dark Prophecy
    tags: humor

  • #30
    Tracy Deonn
    “Sel looks between us both. “I cannot believe I am stuck with you two.”
    The tension lifts, and I smile. “You are, you know. Stuck with us.”
    Nick makes a sound of disagreement. “Nah. I think you’re stuck with us, Bree.”
    Tracy Deonn, Bloodmarked



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