Eva Wallgren > Eva's Quotes

“Woman: You certainly know the way to a man's heart.
Mae West: Funny, too, 'cause I don't know how to cook.”
― Mae West

“Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.”
― Mae West

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
― Mae West

“Good women are no fun... The only good woman I can recall in history was Betsy Ross. And all she ever made was a flag.”
― Mae West

“One more drink and I'll be under the host.”
― Mae West

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
― Mae West

“Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.”
― Mae West

“Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.”
― Mae West

“I'm single because I was born that way.”
― Mae West

“Ladies who play with fire must remember that smoke gets in their eyes.”
― Mae West

“Don't cry for a man who's left you--the next one may fall for your smile.”
― Mae West

“It's not the men in your life that matters, it's the life in your men.”
― Mae West

“Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.”
― Mae West, The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said

“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”
― Mae West

“Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present.”
― Mae West

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.”
― Groucho Marx

“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
― Groucho marx

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”
― Groucho Marx

“Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.”
― Groucho Marx

“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
― Groucho Marx

“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”
― Groucho Marx

“Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.”
― Groucho Marx

“Room service? Send up a larger room."

[A Night at the Opera]”
― Groucho Marx

“I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.”
― Groucho Marx

“Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?”
― Groucho Marx

“Do you mind if I don't smoke?”
― Groucho Marx

“If I hold you any closer I'll be in back of you!”
― Groucho Marx

“The problem with English is this: You usually can't open your mouth and it comes out just like that--first you have to think what you want to say. Then you have to find the words. Then you have to carefully arrange those words in your head. Then you have to say the words quietly to yourself, to make sure you got them okay. And finally, the last step, which is to say the words out loud and have them sound just right.
But then because you have to do all this, when you get to the final step, something strange has happened to you and you speak the way a drunk walks. And, because you are speaking like falling, it's as if you are an idiot, when the truth is that it's the language and the whole process that's messed up. And then the problem with those who speak only English is this: they don't know how to listen; they are busy looking at your falling instead of paying attention to what you are saying.”
― NoViolet Bulawayo, We Need New Names

“And when they asked us where we were from, we exchanged glances and smiled with the shyness of child brides. They said, Africa? We nodded yes. What part of Africa? We smiled. Is it that part where vultures wait for famished children to die? We smiled. Where the life expectancy is thirty-five years? We smiled? Is is there where dissidents shove AK-47s between women's legs? We smiled. Where people run about naked? We smiled. That part where they massacred each other? We smiled. Is it where the old president rigged the election and people were tortured and killed and a whole bunch of them put in prison and all, there where they are dying of cholera - oh my God, yes, we've seen your country; it's been on the news.”
― NoViolet Bulawayo, We Need New Names