Senior > Senior's Quotes

“Boundaries define us”
― Henry Cloud

“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.”
― Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

“The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries Face to Face: How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where i end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with. We must own our own thoughts and clarify distorted thinking.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“We can't manipulate people into swallowing our boundaries by sugarcoating them. Boundaries are a "litmus test" for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness. Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us that they don't love our nos. They only love our yeses, our compliance. "I only like it when you do what I want.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt.”
― Henry Cloud

“If your boundary training consists only of words, you are wasting your breath. But if you 'do' boundaries with your kids, they internalize the experiences, remember them, digest them, and make them part of how they see reality.”
― Henry Cloud

“The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt that they owe us. We write off the person’s debt, and she no longer owes us. We no longer condemn her. She is clean. Only one party is needed for forgiveness: me. The person who owes me a debt does not have to ask my forgiveness. It is a work of grace in my heart.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“When we begin to set boundaries with people we love, a really hard thing happens: they hurt. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility. Whatever it is, they will feel a loss. If you love them, this will be difficult for you to watch. But, when you are dealing with someone who is hurting, remember that your boundaries are both necessary for you and helpful for them. If you have been enabling them to be irresponsible, your limit setting may nudge them toward responsibility.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.”
― Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend

“You get what you tolerate.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships

“If you continue to blame other people for “making” you feel guilty, they still have power over you, and you are saying that you will only feel good when they stop doing that. You are giving them control over your life. Stop blaming other people.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“We have our own thoughts, and if we want others to know them, we must tell them.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“You cannot fix people who will not take feedback, because from their perspective, they do not have a problem.”
― Henry Cloud, Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward

“Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. They help us to "guard our heart with all diligence." We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Confronting an irresponsible person is not painful to him; only consequences are.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

“Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships

“It is extremely important to be able to make negative assertions. We must be able to say what is ‘not me’ in order to have a ‘me’. What we like has no meaning unless we know what we don’t like. Our yes has no meaning if we never say no. My chosen profession has no passion if ‘just anyone would do’. Our opinions and thoughts mean very little if there is nothing we disagree with.”
― Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal: How to Understand the Past to Ensure a Healthier Future

“And things don't change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships

“People who always want to be happy and pursue it above all else are some of the most miserable people in the world.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships

“One of the most important types of decision making is deciding what you are not going to do, what you need to eliminate in order to make room for strategic investments.”
― Henry Cloud, Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward

“It's important to understand that your no is always subject to you. You own your boundaries. They don't own you. If you set limits with someone, and she responds maturely and lovingly, you can renegotiate the boundary. In addition, you can change the boundary if you are in a safer place.”
― Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

“Wisdom comes from experience, either the experience of others or of oneself. And to let experience do its work, a person has to be open to receiving the lessons that it has to teach.”
― Henry Cloud, Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer

“Why didn't I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

“It was not the feeling of completeness I so needed, but the feeling of not being empty.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

“I regret that it takes a life to learn how to live.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

“Why do beautiful songs make you sad?' 'Because they aren't true.' 'Never?' 'Nothing is beautiful and true.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

“We had everything to say to each other, but no ways to say it”
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close