Colleague Support During Grief

Supporting a Team Member Through Grief: Lessons in Awareness and Action The past month has been challenging for me personally. Losing my Mum has been one of the hardest experiences of my life. Grieving while leading a team hasn’t been easy, but it’s taught me a lot about trust, connection, and resilience. What’s helping me navigate this? Leaning in and trusting my team more than ever. By creating space for open communication and mutual support, I’ve seen our team grow and thrive during this challenging time. It’s a powerful reminder that we don’t have to carry everything alone—whether as leaders or team members. How does a team maintain 100% performance when one of its members is navigating grief or personal struggles? Life doesn’t pause for work. When challenges hit, they ripple across the team. But instead of ignoring or sidestepping them, teams that lean into support and awareness emerge stronger and more connected. Here’s what I’ve learned about supporting a grieving teammate: 🌟BE: Start with Awareness🌟 Awareness is the foundation. It begins with you: 1. Notice your emotions and energy. 2. Be mindful of others’ cues—both spoken and unspoken. 3. Recognize that grief doesn’t come with a rulebook; it’s deeply personal and unpredictable. When you’re aware, you create a culture where it’s safe to acknowledge emotions without judgment. 🌟DO: Actions to Support Your Team Member🌟 Awareness alone isn’t enough. Here are actions your team can take to create a supportive environment: 1. Ask for and offer support. Normalize asking for help—whether it’s extending a deadline or delegating tasks. 2. Give time and space. Grief is unpredictable. Some days are manageable; others are overwhelming. Respect that rhythm. 3. Hold space for sharing. Check in, create room for honest conversations, and simply listen. I once cried at a bakery because it reminded me of my Mum's favourite kueh. Sharing moments like these is part of the healing process. 4. Have each other’s backs. Step in to lighten the load when needed, without waiting to be asked. 5. Involve others in decisions. Collective ownership ensures the team doesn’t miss a beat. 6. Respect individual timelines. A productive morning doesn’t guarantee the afternoon will feel the same. Be patient and flexible. 🌟HAVE: A Culture That Thrives🌟 When you prioritize awareness and action, your team will gain: 1. Trust and inclusivity. Everyone feels valued and supported. 2. Resilience. Challenges bring the team closer instead of pulling them apart. 3. Sustainable performance. Balancing humanity with productivity ensures long-term success. Grief isn’t a roadblock; it’s a part of being human. When teams show up with compassion, they prove that emotions and performance can coexist beautifully—even in remote or cross-border setups. How does your team create a supportive environment during tough times? I’d love to hear your strategies. #business #team #growth #leanin #leadership #cassandracoach

A friend is a new, young manager and had her first team bereavement. She messaged me panicked for advice. 4 non-negotiotables I told her: - What you say is less important than when and how you say it. Ideally as soon as possible and with good intentions. You can always apologize for how words come out, it's much harder to apologize for saying nothing at all. - As a manager, one of the best ways you can support the rest of the team right now is giving them a sense of what to do. 2 questions that are ESSENTIAL before they the bereaved goes on leave: do you want me to check on you while you're off? do you want people to ask you about it when you come back? if question two is YES, give colleagues some basic examples of what to say: we missed you, we were thinking of you. how are you feeling first day back? how's your family doing? do you want to talk about it? - First day back has a plan. Not just "welcome back" and get to it. But time blocked out to speak. A handover. Offer to meet them downstairs and have a coffee waiting. Fill them in but don't overload. Be realistic about what that first day will look like. - Grief doesn't stop after the funeral. Depending on the relationship, this could be a lifelong journey now. Talk about workplace adjustments. Talk about signs to look out for if they're struggling. Talk to the rest of the team about how work might be managed with them at 70%. Put in your diary now for 3 months, 6 months, one year down the line check ins. It's been 8 months (!) since I was in a grief at work role, so maybe I'm rusty. But I figured this advice is useful for anyone. What else would you add if you were giving advice?

TW: discusses miscarriage and baby loss I can't remember a major sporting event where fatherhood and family have been so front and centre. First there was Jérémy Doku leaving the World Cup to be there for the birth of his son. Then Didier Deschamps, the France manager, returning home following the death of his mum. And now Cody Gakpo. Just days after he and his partner shared the heartbreaking news that they had lost their baby during pregnancy, Gakpo scored for the Netherlands. He immediately collapsed to the ground in tears as his teammates rushed over, surrounding him with hugs, putting arms around him and simply being there for him. It was football at its most human. That moment will resonate with so many men. For many men, grief is often hidden behind carrying on, going back to work or trying to be strong for everyone else. This public display of emotion from Gakpo is powerful in changing that ♥️ Around 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet it's still something many people suffer through silently. Workplaces can do a lot to support. When colleagues experience pregnancy loss, they need more than sympathy. They need compassionate policies, including paid bereavement leave, access to counselling, flexible working, understanding managers and a culture where people don't feel they have to pretend they're OK before they're ready. If you or someone you know has been affected by miscarriage or baby loss, organisations like Sands - baby loss charity and Tommy's provide incredible support for parents and families. #Babyloss #Miscarriage #WorkingParents

𝐇𝐑 𝐕𝐬 𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐲 I would like to reflect on a incident that happened many years ago A dedicated employee started missing deadlines. Her usual enthusiasm faded, and she seemed disengaged in meetings. Some team members assumed she was losing interest in her work, and her manager was considering a performance review. Before making any decisions, the HR team decided to have a conversation with her. Instead of focusing on missed targets, they asked a simple yet powerful question: “Is everything okay?” Tears welled up her eyes. She shared that she was struggling with a personal loss and was trying to balance work while dealing with grief. She feared that opening up about her situation would make her seem weak or unprofessional. Instead of issuing warnings or performance improvement plans, HR and her manager collaborated to adjust her workload temporarily and provided access to counseling support. Within weeks, she started regaining her confidence. She felt valued not just as an employee but as a person. Soon, she was back to her best, contributing with renewed energy and gratitude. This incident reinforced a crucial lesson: 👉Empathy is not just a soft skill; it is a strategic necessity in HR. 👉 When we listen, understand, and support, we do not just retain employees But we build a workplace where people thrive. 💭Have you witnessed a moment where empathy made all the difference in your workplace? Share your thoughts in the comments. #HR #EmpathyAtWork #WorkplaceCulture Image Courtesy : Pexel

Supporting Stressed Colleagues: The ICARE Framework Whenever I do a keynote presentation to help build caring teams, I ask the audience to raise their had if someone in their life is suffering a mental health issue. That could be someone at work, or in their personal life. 90% of the audience will raise their hand every time. So how do we help them effectively? Some time ago, I developed the ICARE framework to provide five practical steps that we can follow to support a team mate in distress (it's equally applicable to family and friends): I - IDENTIFY Notice when someone's behavior changes. Are they quieter than usual? Missing deadlines? Different energy levels? These shifts often signal someone is struggling. C - COMPASSION Offer emotional support without judgment. Asking "Are you okay?" with empathy can open the door to meaningful connection and support. A - ACCESS EXPERTS Help them find professional support - whether it's a mental health savvy GP or other mental health professionals. You don't need to be the expert, just the bridge. R - REVITALIZING WORK Work can be incredibly therapeutic. When possible, staying engaged (even in modified ways) often supports recovery better than complete withdrawal. E - EXERCISE Never underestimate the power of movement. Offering to take a 30-minute walk during lunch provides both psychological support and physical benefits. Walking features heavily in my own self-care strategy, and when I feel that my mood is declining, I will reach out to a friend to join me on a walk. Reaching out to a colleague in distress can feel like a minefield, but remember that it's not your job to fix them. No one expects you to have all of the answers. The best thing that you can do is show up with intention and practical support. What strategies have you found helpful when supporting colleagues?

I talked to a woman yesterday that lost her husband last year. Her manager gave space and has been supportive of a flexible schedule and 'grief flare ups' that are sometimes tough to work through. He's probably better than most. But he's never mentioned her husband to her. He's never asked how she's doing. He avoids saying his name or asking about him. Almost as he never existed. Imagine what that must feel like... Here are a couple of quick tips for managers: - Be humble: "I'm not really sure what to say..." - Confirm care: "You've been on my mind..." - Ask permission: "May I ask you about your (loved one) or would you rather I didn't?" - Check in: "How are you today?" - REPEAT - add calendar reminders to check in at some cadence for AT LEAST the first year. Don't forget what your teammate is going through. Checking in once isn't enough. This is a fluid situation that isn't ending. Treat it accordingly.

We recently heard about a manager who had a teammate that lost a child. The teammate took 30 days away from work. When he came back, the manager told him to delete all of his emails. Told him not to worry about catching up. Told him to start fresh and that he'd support him in doing so. How's that for real support? Whenever we hear awesome support stories like this, we add them to our platform so other companies can get inspiration. Here are a few other good ones:  - Setting recurring calendar reminders for anniversaries, first holidays, etc. and sending handwritten notes on those occasions. - Is there a specific space in the office that may remind them of a loved one that needs to be considered off-limits for future meetings? (ex: a room where the teammate was when they received the news) - Setting up a buddy to walk into the office with the employee on the first day back after leave. Small but meaningful gestures go a long way in showing you really care.

Not all trauma wears black or comes with a funeral. After my recent post on grief in the workplace (which clearly hit a nerve), I’ve been thinking about the other kinds of pain that walk quietly back into the office. The kind you don’t always see. The kind that doesn’t get casseroles or sympathy cards. Like: 🤍 A miscarriage no one knew about 🤍 A messy divorce behind Zoom smiles 🤍 Caregiver exhaustion from holding it all together 🤍 A PTSD flare-up 🤍 A silent struggle with anxiety or depression 🤍 A sexual assault they’re not ready to talk about Here’s the uncomfortable truth: If you lead people, you don’t get to ignore this. Leadership isn’t just about metrics and deliverables—it’s about people. And people bring their whole selves to work, whether we like it or not. So if your radar is off—if you’re too busy to notice someone’s gone dim, detached, or drowning quietly—then it’s time to recalibrate. You don’t need to fix it. You just need to see it. And say something human. Try: 💬 “I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter—how are you really doing?” 💬 “Do you want space or support?” 💬 “I’ve got your back, even if you don’t want to talk.” You won’t always get it right. That’s not the point. Showing up matters. Silence doesn’t help. Kindness does. Let’s stop pretending trauma clocks in and out. Let’s build workplaces that hold space for healing, not just productivity. Have you ever returned to work carrying something heavy? What helped—or what do you wish someone had done? Let’s make space for what’s real. #leadingthroughthetoughstuff #leadership #grief #trauma #heartbeatsnotheadcount

One of the questions I get asked when awful things happen in the world is: “What am I supposed to say to my team?” There’s no one answer, and no perfect words. But here’s a simple way to think about it using 3 steps: Pause-Consider-Act. Pause: When there’s news in the world, it’s easy to either rush to say something or say nothing because you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. Pausing helps you avoid both. And while there truly aren’t “perfect” words, you don’t need to be perfect. You just need to slow down for a few seconds and consider. Consider: Think about your people. If you know someone on your team is Jewish, or has family in Australia or has a child at Brown, does it make sense to check in? Then ask yourself another question: if I don’t say anything, what does that feel like on the other side? And if you’re holding back because you’re worried about saying the wrong thing, what does “the wrong thing” actually mean? Often it’s less about that person and more about our own discomfort. Now think about a time you were going through something yourself. Did a manager or colleague say something kind? Even something “small”? What difference did that make for you? You can be that support for someone else. Act: “Acting” doesn’t have to be big or public. It doesn’t have to be a team meeting or a formal statement. It can be a private, human 1:1 check-in. If you need words to get started, here are a couple options: “I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing - personally, not just with work. You don’t have to share anything, but I want you to know I’m here for you.” Or: “I want you to know you have my support, and even though I wasn’t sure what the best words were, I didn’t want to stay silent.” For managers, it also helps to know what professional resources are available, like an Employee Assistance Program, and how to share that information (and this one-page resource is a great tool for HR to pass along). And you don’t have to be a manager to speak up. Hearing this from a co-worker can matter just as much. And while yes, work is “work,” for some people it’s also the one place they receive simple, human care.