Improving Emotional Regulation in the Workplace

Want your team to perform better this year? Express genuine positivity, early. Researchers published in Organization Science studied 9,968 consultants across 20 months. The result? Consultants who received positive feedback early in the year performed significantly better—regardless of past performance. When leaders express positive emotions early on… Employees feel seen. They feel respected. And they’re driven to maintain that respect all year long. It creates a motivational anchor. Athletes show the same pattern. Another study tracked 245 NCAA athletes and 86 coaches. Those who received early-season praise from their coaches performed better even after controlling for playtime or past stats. But here’s the twist: Teams performed BEST when leaders paired early praise… with a little constructive feedback at the midpoint. Not harsh. Just honest. It’s the classic tough-love combo, with the love first. Why it works: Midpoint critique signals, “You can do better and I believe you will.” It gives people a chance to re-earn the respect they value. And that challenge? It boosts motivation and focus. So, what should you do? Start projects with specific, heartfelt praise. Avoid constant negativity, it backfires. Use midpoints to give clear, constructive feedback. Sequence matters more than style. The bottom line: You don’t have to choose between kindness and candor. Lead with warmth. Course-correct with honesty. The right emotional timing doesn’t just feel better it delivers results.

Have you ever noticed how a single piece of criticism can linger in your mind longer than a dozen compliments? This phenomenon, known as the "negativity bias," is an evolutionary survival mechanism deeply embedded in our brains. It made sense for our ancestors who needed to stay alert to dangers, but in our modern era, it often causes us to dwell unnecessarily on negative experiences. This bias influences more than just personal feelings; it can impact our professional decisions and relationships as well. By understanding that our brains are predisposed to focus on the negative, we can start to retrain ourselves to also see the positive. Recognizing this can lead to a significant shift in how we process daily interactions and setbacks, leading to a healthier, more balanced perspective. The real challenge is to transform our awareness of this bias into action. When faced with criticism, try to balance it with positive affirmations. For every negative comment, remind yourself of two positive achievements. Share your successes and positive experiences openly; this not only helps to counterbalance your own biases but also encourages others to focus on their positives, fostering a supportive and resilient network. Additionally, nurturing a workplace culture that values constructive feedback over criticism can help in reducing the impacts of negativity bias. Encouraging open communication and celebrating small wins are practices that can enhance team morale and overall productivity. But how do we embed this into our daily routine? Start with small, manageable changes: - Begin meetings with positive updates from each team member. - Keep a gratitude journal to note daily successes or things you are thankful for. - Set reminders to recognize and appreciate others' efforts regularly. Over time, these practices can help shift the focus from what's going wrong to what's going right, enhancing not just individual well-being but also contributing to a more positive organizational climate. In summary, while our brains may be wired to prioritize the negative, we have the power to change this narrative. By fostering a culture that balances critical insights with positive reinforcement, we can enhance our personal well-being and drive our teams towards greater success. Let’s continue to challenge ourselves to focus on the positive, embracing a more balanced view that can lead to a more fulfilling personal and professional life. #leadership #culture

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵? “I’m just so frustrated” In a high EQ organization, you're likely to ✅ nod ✅ empathize ✅ move on. So politically correct. You've just checked the proverbial "engagement" checklist. Our organizations today are so geared to being perfunctory and efficient. But are they really frustrated? Or are they:  ❓ overwhelmed ❓ disappointed ❓ embarrassed ❓ resentful ❓ fearful? Each of these means a different root cause. When leading a team, understanding that difference can make or break how the situation unfolds. I came across fascinating psychological research on the topic of emotional granularity. (research journals in comments) It’s not labeling emotions only; it’s about getting specific in order to empathize well. It’s the difference between hearing “I’m stressed” and knowing whether that stress is rooted in fear, uncertainty or the pressure to perform. Can you tell the difference between an employee who’s “angry” because they feel undervalued versus one who’s “angry” because they’re burned out? When you get this right, everything changes ✅ team dynamics ✅ decision-making ✅ your ability to lead through crises. Leaders who practice emotional granularity are far better at managing conflict and fostering trust within their teams. When you can name emotions with precision—yours and others’—you create clarity. Clarity is the antidote to chaos. How Can Leaders Use Emotional Granularity? 1️⃣ Start With Yourself. Leaders who model emotional granularity are 30% more likely to inspire loyalty and engagement within their teams. Your emotions set the tone for your organization. Practice identifying and sharing what you’re really feeling in high-pressure moments. 2️⃣ Listen Beyond Words. When your team expresses emotions, dig deeper. Ask questions like, “What’s driving that frustration?” or “What do you think is at the root of this?” Often, what people say isn’t the full story. It's okay for them to be imprecise and unfamiliar initially as you shape their emotional expression fully. 3️⃣ Create a Culture of Emotional Precision Encourage your team to articulate their feelings with specificity. It doesn't have to be a therapy session, just holding space. 4️⃣ Use Emotional Granularity in Difficult Conversations. Whether it’s giving feedback or navigating conflict, being precise about emotions helps de-escalate tension and build trust. If handling emotions within your organization feels like navigating a minefield—let’s talk. --- Follow me Stuart Tan MSc., MBA for more insights on leadership and oirganizational development!

If you avoid hard conversations, you’re bleeding trust. And I’ve seen it for years—not just in boardrooms, but in therapy rooms. As a psychotherapist, I sat across from high achievers unraveling under silence, tension, and unspoken stress from work. Most weren’t struggling with the work itself. They were struggling with cultures where honesty felt unsafe. Where truth had to be repackaged in such a way that one wasn't concerned about speaking with care, but more about being careful with their words because of fear. So I built a framework leaders could actually use in the moment to help lower the threat threshold when it came to feedback. The 3 A’s of Emotionally Intelligent Feedback: (Aware(ness) → Assess(ment) → Address/Action) 1. Aware(ness) Start with you. What’s your emotional state? Are you clear, or reactive? If you’re dysregulated, trust me, the conversation’s already off track. 2. Assess(ment) What’s the dynamic underneath this issue? Is this about performance—or fear, confusion, power, trust? Slow down enough to name it. We don’t need you projecting instead of protecting and progressing. 3. Address/Action Now address it productively.  Lead with curiosity. Choose words that create space, not shame. What’s your first sentence? “What’s feeling stuck right now?” beats “You missed the mark again.” High EQ requires a balance and understanding of self-awareness and social awareness. This isn’t about making feedback soft. It’s about making it safe enough to actually land well. What part of giving feedback challenges you most? Let’s talk about it—this is where authentic, healthy culture gets built. #emotionalIntelligence #leadership #psychologicalSafety #workculture ----- 💡 Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the most overhyped, underutilized, and misused skill. I partner with leaders and teams to do the deeper work that elevates their EQ to create psychological safety and agency. Because every day we’re peopling—and we can people better.

𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐖𝐢-𝐅𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐏𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐒𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐲. 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲. 🧠 Did you know your team is essentially operating on "Emotional Wi-Fi"? 📶 We tend to think of our minds as closed loops—private and contained. But neuroscience suggests we are actually open-loop systems, constantly regulating each other’s nervous systems through 𝐌𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝐍𝐞𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐬. These neurons fire not only when we perform an action, but when we observe someone else performing it. When you frown in a meeting, my brain "rehearses" frowning. When you radiate panic, my brain prepares for a threat. When you show calm curiosity, my brain feels safe to explore. 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐏𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐒𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲: You cannot simply 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 people they are safe to fail or speak up. If your words say "I want your feedback," but your micro-expressions signal annoyance or stress, your team’s mirror neurons will detect the threat instantly. 𝐒𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨. 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞. As a leader, you are the 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭 of the room. To build real safety, you have to hack the biology: 1. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 "𝐅𝐚𝐜𝐞" 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤: Before you join that call, reset your expression. A genuine smile or a relaxed brow triggers a safety response in others before you even speak. 2. 𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞: Ambiguity kills psychological safety. If you are stressed, say it: "𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘥𝘨𝘦𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴." This prevents your team from mirroring undefined anxiety. 3. 𝐌𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐥 𝐕𝐮𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲: When you admit a mistake, you don't look weak—you look human. This signals to your team's mirror neurons that the environment is safe enough for them to be human, too. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐦 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐞: 𝘈𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘤. 𝘉𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳. #PsychologicalSafety #Neuroscience #Leadership #TeamDynamics #EmotionalIntelligence #OurHappinessMatters #IgniteAction #TEAMJOY

A knee-jerk reaction to team resistance might be: “Fire them all and start again.” But here’s the truth you probably don’t want to hear: Your team isn’t resisting change, they’re resisting you. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but let’s be honest, change rarely fails because the idea is bad. It fails because trust is broken and because you skipped the “why,” and fear filled the silence you left behind. When your team pushes back, here’s what they’re really saying: “I don’t trust where this is going.” “No one asked me.” “I’m scared, and I don’t feel safe saying that out loud.” “You’ve changed things before and left us to clean up the mess.” Change is emotional, human, and messy. So if you want real buy-in? Don’t start with a strategy deck, start with your people. Here’s how: 1️⃣ Ask Invite input early. Before rolling out a change, ask your team what they think. What are their worries? What would make this easier for them? Use open-ended questions like: “What do you see as the biggest challenge here?” “How do you think this change could help us?” 2️⃣ Listen Really listen. Don’t just nod along, take notes, ask clarifying questions, and reflect back what you’re hearing. Acknowledge the emotion: “It sounds like you’re worried about how this will impact your workload. That’s a valid concern.” 3️⃣ Validate Show you value their perspective. Even if you can’t act on every suggestion, let them know their voice matters. Be transparent about any constraints. Make the change with them, not to them. Co-create solutions. Let the team own parts of the process. When things get tough, solve problems together, not in isolation. And when things get bumpy? Because they will: ✅ Celebrate the tiny wins, because they matter more than you think. ✅ Talk about the challenges and fix them together. When leaders try to solve the bumpiness alone, they leave their team feeling lost at sea. And let’s be honest, that’s a tough place to be left alone. So bring your team into the journey, or at least keep them in the discussion. My rule is simple: If it impacts them, communicate, don’t hide. Want to drive change that actually sticks? Start with trust, not tactics.

Ever notice how some leaders seem to have a sixth sense for meeting dynamics while others plow through their agenda oblivious to glazed eyes, side conversations, or everyone needing several "bio breaks" over the course of an hour? Research tells us executives consider 67% of virtual meetings failures, and a staggering 92% of employees admit to multitasking during meetings. After facilitating hundreds of in-person, virtual, and hybrid sessions, I've developed my "6 E's Framework" to transform the abstract concept of "reading the room" into concrete skills anyone can master. (This is exactly what I teach leaders and teams who want to dramatically improve their meeting and presentation effectiveness.) Here's what to look for and what to do: 1. Eye Contact: Notice where people are looking (or not looking). Are they making eye contact with you or staring at their devices? Position yourself strategically, be inclusive with your gaze, and respectfully acknowledge what you observe: "I notice several people checking watches, so I'll pick up the pace." 2. Energy: Feel the vibe - is it friendly, tense, distracted? Conduct quick energy check-ins ("On a scale of 1-10, what's your energy right now?"), pivot to more engaging topics when needed, and don't hesitate to amplify your own energy through voice modulation and expressive gestures. 3. Expectations: Regularly check if you're delivering what people expected. Start with clear objectives, check in throughout ("Am I addressing what you hoped we'd cover?"), and make progress visible by acknowledging completed agenda items. 4. Extraneous Activities: What are people doing besides paying attention? Get curious about side conversations without defensiveness: "I see some of you discussing something - I'd love to address those thoughts." Break up presentations with interactive elements like polls or small group discussions. 5. Explicit Feedback: Listen when someone directly tells you "we're confused" or "this is exactly what we needed." Remember, one vocal participant often represents others' unspoken feelings. Thank people for honest feedback and actively solicit input from quieter participants. 6. Engagement: Monitor who's participating and how. Create varied opportunities for people to engage with you, the content, and each other. Proactively invite (but don't force) participation from those less likely to speak up. I've shared my complete framework in the article in the comments below. In my coaching and workshops with executives and teams worldwide, I've seen these skills transform even the most dysfunctional meeting cultures -- and I'd be thrilled to help your company's speakers and meeting leaders, too. What meeting dynamics challenge do you find most difficult to navigate? I'd love to hear your experiences in the comments! #presentationskills #virualmeetings #engagement

🌪️ Boss chasing for deadline ... Child is sick ... Baby-sitter quits ... Feeling Overwhelmed? We can't control external situations but we can control our responses. And how we manage our responses will affect our mental wellbeing. I know it is easier said than done, especially during stressful situations. But perhaps, just perhaps we could learn better ways to deal with these stressors. Would it be worth a try? Here are 5 practical tips that have helped me stay calm, clear-headed, and in control when stress strikes: 1. Pause & Breathe When you feel the emotional surge, take a moment to pause. Deep, slow breaths trigger your body’s relaxation response and help calm your nervous system. Just 30 seconds of mindful breathing can reduce the intensity of your emotions. Then you might be able to think clearer or make better judgements. 2. Label Your Emotions Instead of saying, "I'm stressed," get specific: "I feel frustrated" or "I’m anxious about this deadline." Naming your emotions helps you gain perspective and stops them from spiraling out of control. The more ways you find to name the feelings the better. 3. Shift Your Perspective - Change Your Questions Ask yourself, Will this matter in a month? or What’s the worst that could happen? This simple shift can reduce the emotional weight of the situation and help you respond more rationally. Sometimes you might realise that many things we sweat or lose sleep over will not matter in time to come. This helps you choose the right battle to fight. 4. Practice Gratitude (my FAVORITE) ❤️ It might sound counterintuitive, but even in stressful moments, focusing on something you're grateful for can reduce negative emotions. It changes your brain’s focus from stress to appreciation. And what you focus on becomes your reality. 5. Pause, then Respond. Don’t React When we react, we’re acting on impulse. But when we respond, we take a moment to choose how to act. If possible, walk away, get some fresh air, and return to the situation with a calmer mind. 💡 Remember: Emotions are a natural part of being human, but they don’t have to dictate your actions. By practicing these steps, you can take control of your emotions instead of letting them control you. How do you stay calm under pressure? Share your tips in the comments—I’d love to learn what works for you! 👇 ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ Hi! I am Shirlyn, a Nutrition and Brain Health Coach & Trainer. I share science-based evidence to help boost your productivity, clarity and mental resilience, so that you are equipped to handle life stress and bounce back from adversities with confidence. PM to chat more and explore how I can help boost #productivity, reduce stress and #absenteeism at your work place. #EmotionalManagement #MentalHealth #StressRelief #EmotionalIntelligence #WellbeingAtWork

The most dangerous kind of feedback isn’t the harsh kind. It’s the kind that sounds fine but changes nothing. Leaders waste hours repeating the same points, wondering why nothing sticks. It’s not laziness on your team’s part. It’s that your words aren’t sparking movement. Here’s what separates feedback that shifts behaviour from feedback that disappears into thin air: 1. Trust before talk:  No trust, no change. People listen with half an ear when they feel judged. 2. Precision over politeness:  “Work on your communication” is vague. Try: “When updates are last-minute, the team scrambles. Sharing earlier would prevent the chaos.” 3. Show strengths before gaps:  When you acknowledge what’s working, people are more willing to improve what isn’t.  For example: “Your presentation was clear and engaging. Adding data at the start would make it even more convincing.” 4. Behaviours, not labels:  Telling someone they’re careless won’t change anything. Showing them the specific action that caused the mistake might. And here are extra ways to make feedback actually land: ➡️Pick the right timing. Feedback in the middle of stress or conflict rarely gets heard. Wait until people are calm enough to absorb it. ➡️ Frame it as a possibility. Instead of only pointing to what went wrong, highlight the potential you see. People lean in when they feel you believe in them. ➡️ Make it a dialogue. Ask “How do you see it?” or “What could help you here?” Feedback works best when it becomes a shared problem-solving moment. ➡️ Anchor to purpose. Connect the feedback to the bigger picture: “When reports are clear, the client trusts us more.” Purpose creates motivation. ➡️ Balance the emotional tone. A steady, calm delivery helps the person stay open. If you sound irritated or rushed, the message gets lost. ➡️ Close with next steps. Clarity comes from knowing exactly what to try next and when you’ll review it together. Feedback is either a lever for growth or a loop you get stuck in. The choice is in how you deliver it. When you give feedback, do you focus more on safety, clarity, or motivation? #feedback #difficultconversations #work

You say you want feedback. Then you get it. And what your brain actually hears is “my identity is under attack.” AHH. In this amazing episode of Hidden Brain (linked in comments), neuroscientist Emily Falk explains why: “we think of things that are ME, typically on average as being GOOD.” So if ME = GOOD... Feedback = BAD. Because the critique collides with your own concept of self. As Shankar Vedantam put it, most of us “protect every square inch of the person they are” instead of hearing what could move us forward. A natural human instinct, yes. But it's holding us back. This is a choke point in leadership. FEEDBACK. If you can't receive feedback effectively, you're holding not just your career back, but the capacity of your team, and potentially the greater capacity of your org. Yes, really. The science is clear: defensiveness BLOCKS learning. And in this moment (AI disruption, market volatility, high-stakes decisions... you name it) learning speed is a core component leadership. So we need to do better. Falk’s research points to practices that reduce threat and open the channel: 1— Name the surge. When you feel the urge to explain, label it “Threat response.” That pause gives you choice. 2— Create distance. Ask, How would my most trusted peer hear this? Distance lowers reactivity. 3— Anchor to values. One minute of grounding before tough conversations. Values widen perspective. 4— Aim at behavior. Ask for specifics: moment, sentence, decision. Specifics convert signal to action. 5— Close the loop. Share back one change, one owner, one date. And when it comes to GIVING feedback? Start with a fact that’s working. Name one behavior. Describe the impact. State the change. Offer support. Agree on a date. Scripts you can use today: “Give me the single change that would move this forward fastest.” “Point to the moment that created drag.” “What did you hesitate to tell me?” “Where did my intent and impact diverge?” “What support unlocks the change you want to see?” Your team already knows whether you mean it when you say you want feedback. Prove it by asking harder questions and ACTING on the answers. Remember that YOU are not solely made up by the feedback you receive... but you ARE measured on how effectively you put that feedback to use.