Mastering Personal Influence

🎣 “They didn’t even cc me.” This was how Yumi, a senior marketing director, found out her billion-dollar product had been repositioned, without her input. The project she had been leading for 18 months was suddenly reporting into someone else. She didn’t mess up. She wasn’t underperforming. She just wasn’t "there". Not at the executive offsite. Not at the Friday “golf and growth” circle. Not at the CEO’s birthday dinner her male peer casually got invited to. She was busy being excellent. They were busy being bonded. 🍷 When she asked her boss about the change, he was surprised: “You’re usually aligned with the bigger picture, so we assumed it’d be fine.” In Workplace politic-ish: Yumi was predictable. Available. Yet not powerful enough to be consulted. 🔍 What actually happened here? Women are told to build relationships. Men build alliances. Women maintain connections. Men maintain relevance in power circles. It’s not about how many people like you. It’s about how many people speak your name when you’re not in the room. And in most companies, the real decisions - about budget, headcount, succession, are made off-the-clock and off-the-record. 📌 So, how do you stop getting edited out of influence? Try these: 1. 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝗽.    Not the org chart. The whisper network / shadow organistion.    Who gets invited to early product reviews?    Who influences without title?    Start mapping that!     2. 𝗔𝘂𝗱𝗶𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲-𝗱𝗿𝗼𝗽 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁.    If your name hasn’t been mentioned by 3 different people in senior leadership this month, you are invisible to power, even if you’re a top performer.     3. 𝗥𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴.    Skip the webinars and female empowerment panels.    Start showing up where strategy happens: QBRs, investor briefings, offsite planning, cross-functional war rooms.     4. 𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗹.    Schedule recurring 1:1s with lateral stakeholders, not to “catch up,” but to co-build. Influence travels faster across than up.     5. 𝗕𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁𝘀.    If you vanished for 2 weeks and no one noticed, you’re not central enough to promote.     🧨 If any of this feels raw, it’s because it is. Brilliant women are being rewritten out of their own stories, not for lack of performance, but for lack of positioning. That’s why Uma, Grace and I created 👊 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿: 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘀👊 A course for women who are done watching strategic mediocrity rise while they wait for recognition. It’s not about becoming someone else. It’s about learning the rules that were never designed for us, and playing like you intend to win. 🔗 Get it if you’re ready, link in comment. Or wait until they “assume you’d be aligned,” too.

She said yes to every single project. Yet, she was overlooked for the promotion. They said: “She’s irreplaceable.” “We’d be lost without her.” But when it came time to lead the next big thing - She wasn’t even on the list. Over the past decade working in women’s leadership, I’ve seen this story play out far too often. Women staying in roles long past their expiration. Not because they lack clarity - But because they’ve been conditioned to confuse loyalty with worth. Loyalty to a team. To a leader. To a company culture that praises their reliability... But never promotes their vision. So how do you ensure you’re valued - not just used - for all that you bring to the table? Here are 5 practical, research-backed strategies I’ve seen top performers consistently use: ✅ Be Known for Vision, Not Just Execution ↳ “She delivers” is solid. ↳ “She sets the direction” is strategic. ↳ Build a reputation rooted in foresight - not just follow-through. ✅ Document and Distill Your Wins ↳ Don’t wait to be noticed. ↳ Capture and communicate your impact consistently. ↳ Think: outcomes, initiatives, feedback snapshots. ↳ This becomes your proof of value during reviews, promotions, or pivots. ✅ Speak the Language of Business ↳ Translate your work into metrics that matter: revenue, retention, growth, efficiency. ↳ When leaders see your contribution tied to business outcomes, you shift from “nice to have” to “can’t afford to lose.” ✅ Build Cross-Functional Credibility ↳ Influence isn’t built in silos. ↳ Make your value visible across teams. ↳ When multiple departments rely on your insight, you become a strategic connector - not just a contributor. ✅ Create Strategic Allies, Not Just Mentors ↳ Power isn’t just about performance - it’s about proximity to influence. ↳ Nurture relationships with decision-makers, peer champions, and collaborators. Influence grows through meaningful connection. The truth is - being essential isn’t the same as being seen. You can be deeply loyal to others - and still loyal to your own growth. These shifts aren’t just career strategies. They’re acts of self-respect. Because when you decide to lead from alignment, not obligation - You stop waiting to be chosen. And start choosing yourself. 💬 Which of these strategies feels most relevant to where you are right now? I’d love to hear in the comments below. ♻ Repost if you believe it’s time to stop rewarding quiet loyalty - and start recognizing conscious leadership. 🔔 Follow me, Bhavna Toor, for more. 📩 DM me to bring our holistic leadership development programs to your organization - that are a powerful combination of inner-work and real-world strategy.

I was Wrong about Influence. Early in my career, I believed influence in a decision-making meeting was the direct outcome of a strong artifact presented and the ensuing discussion. However, with more leadership experience, I have come to realize that while these are important, there is something far more important at play. Influence, for a given decision, largely happens outside of and before decision-making meetings. Here's my 3 step approach you can follow to maximize your influence: (#3 is often missed yet most important) 1. Obsess over Knowing your Audience Why: Understanding your audience in-depth allows you to tailor your communication, approach and positioning. How: ↳ Research their backgrounds, how they think, what their goals are etc. ↳ Attend other meetings where they are present to learn about their priorities, how they think and what questions they ask. Take note of the topics that energize them or cause concern. ↳ Engage with others who frequently interact with them to gain additional insights. Ask about their preferences, hot buttons, and any subtle cues that could be useful in understanding their perspective. 2. Tailor your Communication Why: This ensures that your message is not just heard but also understood and valued. How: ↳ Seek inspiration from existing artifacts and pickup queues on terminologies, context and background on the give topic. ↳ Reflect on their goals and priorities, and integrate these elements into your communication. For instance, if they prioritize efficiency, highlight how your proposal enhances productivity. ↳Ask yourself "So what?" or "Why should they care" as a litmus test for relatability of your proposal. 3. Pre-socialize for support Why: It allows you to refine your approach, address potential objections, and build a coalition of support (ahead of and during the meeting). How: ↳ Schedule informal discussions or small group meetings with key stakeholders or their team members to discuss your idea(s). A casual coffee or a brief virtual call can be effective. Lead with curiosity vs. an intent to respond. ↳ Ask targeted questions to gather feedback and gauge reactions to your ideas. Examples: What are your initial thoughts on this draft proposal? What challenges do you foresee with this approach? How does this align with our current priorities? ↳ Acknowledge, incorporate and highlight the insights from these pre-meetings into the main meeting, treating them as an integral part of the decision-making process. What would you add? PS: BONUS - Following these steps also expands your understanding of the business and your internal network - both of which make you more effective. --- Follow me, tap the (🔔) Omar Halabieh for daily Leadership and Career posts.

Lean In's report shows women are less likely to want promotion. 80% vs 86%. They call it an "ambition gap." Y'all, I love Lean In's work. Their data always helps me serve our clients at Perfeqta better. But this framing? We need to talk about it. Because the same report shows something powerful: When women get equal sponsorship and advocacy, this "gap" completely disappears. So it was never about ambition. It was about advocacy. I see this daily with the brilliant women we work with. They're not lacking drive. They're lacking cultures who champion them. Leaders who open doors. Systems that see their potential without requiring twice the proof. What gives me hope? Companies are starting to get it. The ones creating formal sponsorship programs. Making advocacy a measured leadership competency. Building systems where talent gets seen, not overlooked. And listen, when organizations fix the advocacy gap? Women don't just match men's ambition for advancement - they exceed it. Because we've always wanted it. We just needed someone to believe we deserved it. To every leader reading this: Your advocacy changes careers. That entry-level woman on your team? She needs you to see her potential and say it out loud. In rooms where decisions get made. What's one way your organization is closing the advocacy gap? I'd love to hear what's working. #WomenInLeadership #companyculture #inclusion #belonging #SponsorshipMatters

The Young Influencer: How to Lead Without Authority Early on in your career, the landscape can feel daunting. You're surrounded by experienced colleagues, some of whom could be your parents' age! How do you, a fresh face with limited authority, influence them and get things done? The answer lies not in your title, but in your ability to provide value. This was a lesson I learned early on. As a young project coordinator, I found myself wrangling seasoned department heads, all 15+ years my senior. Suddenly, barking orders wasn't an option. Instead, I had to develop my influence toolkit. Here are some key strategies: 1. Become an Information Powerhouse: Knowledge is power. Deeply understand your project's goals, potential roadblocks, and industry trends. This allows you to anticipate their needs and provide solutions before they become problems. Think of yourself as a trusted advisor, not just someone who assigns tasks. 2. Focus on Shared Success: Frame your work as a collaborative effort for the greater good of the company. Highlight how your project benefits their specific department and their goals. By fostering alignment and demonstrating a win-win mentality, you create a more receptive environment. 3. Become a Master Communicator: Clear, concise, and compelling communication is crucial. Tailor your message to each stakeholder, addressing their specific concerns and priorities. Actively listen to their feedback, and be prepared to answer questions and address doubts. 4. Build Relationships, Not Just Reports: Take the time to connect with your colleagues on a human level. Get to know their work styles, understand their challenges, and celebrate their successes. These genuine relationships build trust and foster a sense of mutual respect, making them more receptive to your ideas. Lead by Example: Demonstrate a strong work ethic, a positive attitude, and a willingness to go the extra mile. People are more likely to follow someone they admire and trust. Being the "young gun" in a team can be a double-edged sword. It may limit your direct authority, but it also forces you to develop critical soft skills. You become a master communicator, a builder of relationships, and an expert at navigating influence without a title. These skills will serve you well throughout your career, making you a valuable asset in any team dynamic. Remember, leadership isn't about a title; it's about the ability to inspire and motivate others to achieve a common goal. And that, my friend, is a skill that transcends age and experience. #YoungProfessional #Leadership #SoftSkills #Communication #Influence #RelationshipBuilding #CareerTips #EarlyCareers #NoTitleNeeded #LeadByExample

Why Brilliant Leaders Fail (And What Diplomats Do Differently). Very early in my diplomatic career, I had a life-changing epiphany. I was diary secretary to a top Foreign Office official.  As the most junior civil servant in the room, I knew my place. Until I noticed something. Suddenly senior officials knew my name. They’d stop to chat, ask about my weekend, seem genuinely interested. At first, I was baffled. Surely they had better things to do? And then it dawned on me: I controlled access to the boss. If you wanted five minutes, you came through me.  And, I say this with zero shame, those who were courteous got bumped to the top of the line. Those who weren’t… didn’t. It’s counterintuitive, isn’t it? You’d expect the ambassador at the head of the table to hold the influence. But in my experience time and again it was someone else: → The driver who heard everything first. → The interpreter who decided which nuance made it into the conversation. → The spouse who softened the edges of policy over dinner. Influence doesn’t follow the org chart. It flows through invisible networks. This pattern repeats everywhere I’ve worked - from government departments, the army, to boardrooms. Brilliant leaders with impressive titles stall when they assume formal power equates to influence. Every organisation has two power structures: 1) the official hierarchy - printed on org charts; and 2) the influence network - an invisible web of relationships, trust, and access that actually determines how things get done. Smart leaders obsess over the first. Successful leaders master the second. And the real influencers aren’t always obvious: → The PA who’s been there 20 years (knows where the bodies are buried). → The finance officer every budget passes through. → The team leader everyone confides in. They don’t always have the biggest offices, but they sit at the intersection of information, access, and trust. I’ve seen executives cut through months of bureaucracy with a five-minute conversation with the right person. And I’ve watched brilliant strategies die because leaders ignored them. If you want to create change, win trust at the top table, or make strategy actually stick - map the influence network → Who does the CEO actually listen to? → Who controls access? → Who do people trust with sensitive information? → Who can kill your project with a whisper? → Who commands respect among the people you need to move? The most effective leaders - from ambassadors to CEOs - spend as much time navigating these networks as they do crafting strategy. They know a brilliant plan without influence is just an expensive PowerPoint deck. Here’s the uncomfortable truth: Your title gives you permission to try. But your influence network decides whether you succeed. What is the most surprising thing you've learned about power and influence?

Most leaders think advocating for the women on their team means giving good performance reviews and saying nice things in the hallway. It doesn't. (But keep doing those things too.) Real advocacy for women is specific, public, and strategic. It happens in the rooms they aren't in yet. It names names, credits ideas, and makes a business case. And it requires language most of us were never taught (I certainly wasn't) because most of us learned to lead by watching people who weren't doing it either. The result is that too many talented women stay invisible, under-rewarded, and under-promoted.. Their ideas get repeated by someone else and applauded. Their work gets presented by someone else and rewarded. And somewhere, a very mediocre guy is getting a fancy new title because his manager won't stop saying his name. You can change that. And it starts with what you say, out loud, in public, with specifics...and over and over again. Here are 10 phrases worth adding to your leadership vocabulary: 1. "Before we move on, I want to make sure we hear from [Name] on this. They've been leading this work." 2. "I want to call out [Name]'s contribution to this success. Without their [specific action], we wouldn't have achieved this." 3. "Let me amplify what [Name] just said, because it's a critical point..." 4. "I'm nominating [Name] for this high-visibility project because they have the skills and they're ready for the stretch." 5. "I want [Name] to present this to the executive team. They own this work and should get the credit." 6. "I'm putting [Name]'s name forward for [opportunity] because they've demonstrated [specific capability]." 7. "I'm concerned about the pattern I'm seeing in promotions. Let's look at our data by gender." 8. "I heard [Name] make that same point five minutes ago. Let's give them credit for the idea." 9. "[Name] needs [specific resource] to deliver on this strategic priority. Here's the ROI..." 10. "I'm advocating for additional budget for [Name] because their work directly impacts [business outcome]." Women have a visibility problem because they have an advocacy gap. Start closing it with your words, in the rooms that matter. Which of these do you use? Which one do you wish more leaders would say?

That VP who barely knows your work just vetoed your promotion. "Not enough strategic presence," they said. After coaching Fortune 100 leaders, here's what I've discovered: ➟ Strong team results ➟ Outstanding metrics ➟ Top performance reviews Yet when promotion time arrives, someone in the leadership room says: "I'm not sure they're ready." What's really happening? The Executive Trust Gap. Take Sarah, a Senior Engineering Manager who led a $14M product launch. Despite stellar metrics (98% team retention, 42% faster delivery), her CPO said: "Great execution, but I need to see more strategic leadership." Three months later, using what I'm about to share, she got promoted and now leads high impact meetings which opens doors to career-defining opportunities. The truth? Trust influences promotion decisions more than performance metrics alone. Here are 7 strategic moves that turn skeptical executives into your biggest champions: 1. Master the executive language shift ↳ Junior leaders talk about activities ("I completed the project") ↳ Senior leaders talk about outcomes ("This delivered 20% growth") ↳ Top leaders talk about strategic implications ("This positions us to...") ↳ Frame your updates at the highest appropriate level 2. Volunteer for cross-functional initiatives ↳ Creates visibility with multiple decision-makers ↳ Shows your impact beyond your immediate role ↳ Proves you think about the broader business 3. The "Preview" Strategy ↳ Brief key stakeholders before big meetings ↳ "I want to share our approach first and get your input" ↳ Eliminates surprise (which executives hate) 4. Create "Trust Deposits" before needing withdrawals ↳ Share relevant industry insights without asking for anything ↳ Congratulate executives on company wins ↳ Build the relationship when stakes are low 5. The 10-minute rule for executive meetings ↳ Practice delivering your message in 10 minutes ↳ Then practice delivering it in 5 minutes ↳ Then practice delivering it in 2 minutes ↳ Be ready for any time constraint 6. Demonstrate intellectual honesty ↳ Address problems before they're mentioned ↳ Acknowledge limitations in your recommendations ↳ Shows judgment and builds confidence in your thinking 7. The "Proxy Champion" technique ↳ Identify who already has the executive's trust ↳ Build strong relationships with these proxies ↳ Their endorsement becomes your shortcut to trust The most qualified person rarely gets the promotion. The most trusted one does. Which of these 7 moves will you implement this week? ♻ Repost to help someone bridge their trust gap. ➕ Follow me for more proven leadership strategies that create real career momentum.

Power Gets You Compliance, But Influence Gets You Commitment. A client was recently given the kind of opportunity many senior leaders are working toward. He stepped into a broader enterprise role with a bigger remit, higher visibility, and much higher expectations. It was a vote of confidence, and he felt the weight of it in a good way. He was delighted to show he could operate at that level. Early on, things looked promising. He was sponsoring an important initiative where decisions and progress appeared steady. A few months in, though, the tempo began to wane, and momentum was strained. He sensed alignment was off, and he was right. We dedicated a call to examining the situation in detail and soon discovered that the issue wasn't the initiative or his skill or the workloads of others, but the way in which he was leveraging his new role. He had overlooked the inescapable truth about power versus influence. Eager to deliver and mindful of the visibility that came with the position, he leaned on power to gain traction and believed that his choice was reinforced by early action and quick decisions. The buy-in he anticipated to follow did not materialize. From his perspective, he had done what others do when the stakes are high: move quickly, take charge. The problem with being an outsider looking at others' success and emulating what you think you see is that you only see the contours. You often miss the details because there is no way to "see" them. The off-site lunches, side conversations after a meeting, or drop-by office chats are critical to influencing. Often, it's these efforts that unlock momentum and establish commitment. The group meetings, dashboards, and progress updates are the visible manifestations of these quiet workings behind the scenes. For VPs stepping into enterprise leadership or aspiring to the C suite, this is an important distinction to internalize early: Are you using your role to move the work forward, or are you building the influence that allows the work to carry itself? It is also worth asking where people may be agreeing with you in public and quietly disengaging afterward, and what might change if you invested more time building influence before relying on authority. Power can get things moving, but influence is what earns you the next level of trust, responsibility, and opportunity. Use each wisely.

Influence is strategy.   Too often, influence is mistaken for charisma, charm, or even manipulation. But real influence, the kind that shapes decisions and drives change, is intentional, ethical, and strategic.   Here are the 10 rules of an effective influence strategy if you want to elevate your impact:   1. Clarity of Purpose Know what you want and why it matters. Vague goals lead to vague influence.   2. Stakeholder Intelligence Influence begins with understanding not convincing. Map who’s involved, what drives them, and what blocks them.   3. Pre-frame the Context People rarely enter discussions as blank slates. Set the stage early.   4. Build Trust and Relationships Influence flows through trust. Without it, even the best argument collapses.   5. Shape the Narrative (Framing) Facts don’t necessarily move people, frames do. The way you position your message defines how it’s received.   6. Select the Right Tactics Influence is not one-size-fits-all. Sometimes it’s rational persuasion, sometimes collaboration, sometimes inspiration. Choose wisely.   7. Sequence Matters Timing and order can make or break influence. Build momentum, don’t jump to the hard ask too soon.   8. Adapt to Resistance “No” is data. Learn from it. People resist when they feel a threat to control, identity, or values.   9. Sustain Momentum Influence doesn’t end with agreement. It’s maintained through consistency, follow-up, and integrity.   10. Align Strategy with Behavior What you do speaks louder than what you say. Influence is credibility in motion.   Design your influence intentionally!