21 weeks.

Dear baby,
It has been officially 20 weeks since you made your existence in my tummy. Up to this point, our journey was a rollercoaster ride, especially for me, but I am glad that you seem to be doing fine. You made me realize how mothers are able to compromise and make sacrifices, right from the moment that they have a child in their womb until forever. You made me appreciate my own mother even more, simply by sitting quietly and growing in my own womb.

There has not been any time that I counted days more than I do now. Each day seems to crawl sometimes, but at some days it seemed like a breeze. Every Tuesday I would eagerly check my email, for the notification that I am hitting the next week. And now look at us; we are already half past the journey!

My baby,
I know we just barely made it halfway, but honestly I am so eager to meet you already. Sometimes before I close my eyes to sleep, I imagine how the day of your arrival would be. It scares me, I admit that, but as much as it does, the fact that I get to cuddle and kiss you in my arms chases those scary thoughts away. I pray for us everyday, may God make our journey safe and sound for both of us.

Abah and I are contemplating on your stuff now, what’s best to get for you once you are in this world, so that you will get all the comfort and safe haven that you deserve. We hope that could provide you for all your needs and be the best parents that we could be.

Baby sayang,
So you just do your wonderful job of growing in there ok? We have another 19 weeks to go, and isn’t that a short time? Time flies, you will realize when you are here soon. And try not to be too active at night ok? 🙂

Mommy loves you 🙂

Love,
Mommy

Catching up.

I am a bit rusty at blogging as of today. Has been 1 month plus since i last blogged, in this blog as well as in B&B. I dont know, maybe i was distracted at one point of time and it seemed like it had lasted a tad bit longer.

A lot has happened in the real world, since the last post. I think the down point was when i suffered a really bad episode of heartburn+gastritis+acid reflux, a few days after my birthday. Yeah it was awful. Of all pain that i ever had in my life, that was the pain that i will always remember, as of now. It was like having a perpetual heavy burden on my shoulders, which constricts my chest and presses both of my shoulder blades all at once. I could not sleep it off, and had to wake up too many times at night. I was crying like a baby, because i was just so helpless and no medicine could put it away. Even the doc just asked me to hang on, and be strong.

Gosh. I cringe everytime i recall that.

But the bad episode made me realize one good thing. It is to appreciate a person called husband, the one who vowed to always be with you come hell or high water.Cringe i may when i recalled the episode, but because of his presence, i became strong again.

On a lighter note, last Saturday, we went for my 4th month check up. Doc had a glimpse of the baby’s gender, but she did not made any confirmation. I guess we need to wait until baby gets a bit bigger, so that doc can have a clearer view. She said there is a high probability that its a girl, because she did not see any hint of a male genital on baby. Well, it doesnt matter anyway. Its just that it feels good to anticipate, and playing the guessing game. Heheh.

Cant wait for the next check up.

26 years of life.

7 years of innocence and care-free.

10 years of discovery and curiosity and lots of growing up hormones.

5 years of finding my true self,making mistakes and learning from it.

And the rest, still learning, growing, loving, and with added wisdom and experience to reflect on every decisions and path that i make and take in this life.

So far so good, and hope it gets better.

26 years of life, and i still find myself amazed and overwhelmed with what life teaches me.

Here is to 26 years of life and many more lessons to come.

Happy Birthday, me.

 
 
“Beruntunglah orang yang hari ini lebih baik dari semalam, terpedayalah orang yang hari ini sama seperti semalam, dan celakalah orang yang hari ini lebih buruk dari semalam..Yang paling jauh, bukannya bintang, mentari pun bukan jua rembulan tetapi adalah masa yang berlalu dan tidak akan kembali..kelmarin yang luput menjadi secancang kenangan, semalam yang terluput mengukir sesalan..yang ada hanya hari ini & akan datang..gunakanlah hari ini dengan sebaik mungkin kerana esok belum tentu milik kita, sedangkan semalam telah pergi buat selamanya..”

Week 12.

Its official.I am now completely 3 months 🙂

Based on much of my readings,the bump is supposed to start showing already.And indeed it shows.Its more like a bloating, but i think this one is a bit bigger. My waist-high pants/kain baju kurung is already feeling tight, now what is left is the low cut jeans (which i think i will outgrow soon anyway).

I actually did some maternity pants shopping in KL last few weeks, and i am loving this basic pants i got from Modernmum.I thinks its worth the penny (i got it for 50% less) because it is supercomfy and its a bootcut 😀 A colleague even thought that i am still wearing jeans. Talk about keeping the style huh?

Oh please no, i am not going to splurge too much at Modernmum anymore. Biasalah, excited.Mesti nak try skit kan? Hehe. My friend told me that i can get cheaper maternity tops everywhere,so,yeah i will do that.The thing is i always like to splurge on pants because i think its important to have a comfortable one.

Lately i also notice pregnant women more, its almost like i just found out that pregnancy is a norm (d’oh). We were grocery shopping in East Coast Mall last weekend, and everywhere i turn there is preggy woman. Haha. That is good right?

Besides the pregnancy, this month is also special to hubby and I. Because this month is the time for celebration.First comes hubby’s birthday, then mine, then our wedding anniversary 🙂 So to mark the beginning of the celebration, i took hubby for a surprise birthday dinner at Swiss Garden Kuantan (which honestly, the food, was not so great,so dont go). Anyway hubby enjoyed it, and i am glad he did. It’s the thought that counts.Hehe.

We are considering a babymoon for the anniversary,but it has not been finalized yet.Hope it happens.Last chance to spend all the time we want, just the two of us.Coz when baby comes, our lives will revolve around him/her already.

Happy 29 Years Young!

Ok so thats it for now.I vow to update more frequently now onwards (hehe).

Week 10

Gosh, I just realized that I missed blogging here.

In B&B I do not have that much of a freedom to write about my thoughts, because its kind of narrowed down to a particular genre. Here, I feel more like home, because I can write anything. Plus my readers here mostly consist of people I know outside blogworld, so that adds to the personal touch.

Anyway, yeah, I am in week 10 now. So far, so good 🙂 The nauseating has subsided, maybe I am not the heavy type. Thank God for that. But the weight gain is apparent, and exhaustion usually creeps late in the evening. I find myself going to bed as early as 10am. I am also experiencing occasional mild cramping at my uterus area, perhaps it is because of round ligament pain. Going to doublecheck with my obgyn this weekend anyway. Hope its just a normal thing. And I can’t wait to see how baby looks in the ultrasound again 🙂

My mood swing is also noticeable now, at one point of time I could be as happy as a bunny, and the other minute, I could just get pissed off. I also cry easily, especially when watching dramatic movie scenes. I remembered crying when I watched a video simulation of a growing baby in a womb too. What lah 😛

Besides the pregnancy, life has been at a normal pace. Sometimes I find myself missing the days living in Kuantan town. Usually back then I can just head off to the mall whenever I feel like destressing (you know me and my shopping therapy), but now, there is nothing much on the way home. Just a long road, and a sea breeze.

I am not unhappy though, it’s just that I am pondering how much our lives can change even in the shortest of time. Last year I was just me and hubby, and this year, its already going to be 3 🙂

p/s: Ok, mood swinging again. Rasa nak nangis.wth.heheh.

Ilmu kira-kira.

I remembered my friend Diyana’s advice sometime ago, about the pregnancy habits of the Jewish people. Apparently they have a very distinctive habit, which what made their offsprings more intelligent (and when they grow up they can do wonders).

One of their habits during pregnancy is that the husband will solve mathematical problems with their pregnant wife. I see the logic in here, perhaps at this stage the fetus is already trained to think. No harm trying right?

So I was in a local bookstore with hubby last weekend, and I headed to the school books section. There were a lot of books of course, ranging from Std 1 to Form 6. I wondered where to start, so I went to the Form 5 aisle.

I grabbed one Add-Maths practice book, and freaked out. Gosh, what the heck, I could not remember it at all! So there goes one level, definitely soooo not going through the Add-Maths nightmare again.

I decided to turn it down a level, this time I went to the Form 3 aisle. Come on, how hard could it be? At least its not Add-Maths. I flipped open one practice book, but this time I did not freak out, but honestly my mind still struggles to recall and understand the question. OMG.

Guess I am also not in a good shape to start at Form 3, so at last I went to the Form 1 aisle.Flipped one book and went “Okayyy…this makes more sense”. Apart from the cute questions of asking you to spell out numbers (e.g 1001=One Thousand One), I think I can take the rest of the “challenges”.

 I know I know, it’s too simple, but hey, it’s a good place to start right? 😀

Hubby went “Seriously???”, and I was smiling like a bad cockle. Apparently hubby thinks doing Sudoku is more substantial than doing maths. But “Sorry naik lorry”, I’d rather do maths than Sudoku.

No, I haven’t bought the book yet. Maybe I will do it later. But now I am googling some free exercises in the net, just to get the “feeling”.

All the best to me. Heheh.

p/s: Besides solving mathematical equations, Jewish pregnant moms also consume lots of  almonds, dates, milk and fish (without head). They also play the piano. Maybe there are some others, try googling it out.

Turning 6 weeks in 3 days.

Since the first nausea attack last week, I came to learn that:

1)      I might as well just let myself vomit instead of trying to stop it. That makes me feel a lot better.

2)      I am not worried because I know that is a good sign that my body is producing enough hormones for the baby’s growth.

3)      I have loads of food stock in my drawer, just to keep my stomach from getting upset again.

4)      I find myself eating all the time.

5)      I have to try harder to keep a nice, smiley face despite the miserable feeling.

Let’s just hope that I do not gain unnecessary weight before the bump even shows. According to my readings, I am supposed to gain about less than 5 kilos during the first trimester, because I am already slightly overweight.Heheh.

By the way, here is a hearty congratulations to Jaja, who finally delivered a baby girl yesterday. Hope both mom and baby are doing well 🙂

p/s : I am thinking hard of a topic to blog, besides this baby thingy, but honestly that is the only thing that is running on my mind. Right from i opened my eyes in the morning, even in my dreams. Guess i am still so excited about it, so bear with me ya? 😀

Adventure wanted,adventure granted.

By now probably most of you have known that finally, something is cooking in my oven. We came to know about the good news last week, but i have decided that i will save some time before i announce it to the world.

Oh well i figured that it is ok to let people know now, at least i get more well wishes and prayers right? 🙂

So here is the adventure of 2010. Another milestone in our lives has been hit, right on time.

We are going for our our first prenatal checkup tomorrow.

Can’t wait 🙂

p/s : I am this close to opening a new blog for my pregnancy, but at last i think i will just share my journey here. I am such a blog addict huh?

Paranoid.

I admit that sometimes I have episodes of paranoia.

With my habit of overloading my brains with too much info, sometimes I cannot help myself from churning information that is not known whether it is authentic and foolproof. Especially, if it is very intriguing.

Like about this topic about Occult Symbolism (e.g Freemason, Satanist or Illuminati movements) that I recently discovered here.

I actually read this from a blog of my B&B reader, where she voiced out her scary thoughts about the topic. I have never stopped reading this site since.

Just so happened, this topic was also discussed in a local newspaper last Sunday, which helps contributing more to my paranoia. Last AJL at TV3 was “accused” to have elements of this ungodly movement, but honestly I am not sure whether it was just a coincidence or it was planned. Better be a coincidence.

From the site I read, some analysis has been done on many Hollywood stars in the music industry, including the eccentric Lady Gaga, the suddenly so daring Rihanna and Beyonce. After reading a few articles, I admit that some points are made pretty clear. Take Lady Gaga for example, I never get it why she is so full of mysterious and weird outfits and gigs, especially in her videos. Have you watched Bad Romance? Honestly that one gave me some chills. Its just..weird. (But the songs are quite catchy aren’t they?)

As for how true the author of the site is, I couldn’t say much. But from the way they write their piece, it’s a lie if I say it doesn’t make me think.

I am glad that I have my own beliefs to hold own to, at least that helps me to make my own evaluation of right and wrong. But the disturbing thing is how powerful this kind of thing could be, when it has the chance to penetrate into young and innocent minds. Their subtle hints and agendas are very easily missed, as it is using a somewhat harmless yet strong medium to poison minds (e.g music,entertainment).

God protect us from this, if it is ever true.

What do you think?

 p/s: I like the song Russian Roulette. But don’t you think that fanatic and weak fans of Rihanna could take it as an inspiration? Huhu.Spooky.

Of having kids.

We were just starting up the week when our senior manager announced that one of our IT colleagues has tendered her resignation. The news was not new, as I have heard rumors around already. But the questioning point is that this lady is the kind of a person whom people label as a career driven and determined woman, why in the world would she resign? She is even recognized as one of our potential leaders in the company (I even had one episode of a heated discussion with her).

Then came another question, what is she going to do after her resignation? Stereotyping answer would be perhaps she got a better offer somewhere, or she is starting up her own business. A woman like that can’t stay at home; she is just not that kind of a person.

I had the opportunity to have a small conversation over coffee with her today, so I grabbed the chance to ask her what her plan is after saying goodbye. She blurted out a very simple and surprising answer: “I am going to stay at home and take care of my kids”.

Of all the points she made, I remembered her saying that she wants to be involved as much as possible in her children’s life, because they are her life. She just did not want her children to grow up realizing that the parents are too busy with work and other matters and just have no time for the children.

While the chat goes on, I couldn’t help reflecting.

After being married nearly a year, questions of when we are going to have a baby became a norm. We already anticipated this anyway, so we are ready with the answer.People may say the normal things they say, but we refuse to bother.

Having children matters to us, having children means we are ready to give them our commitment, a safe haven to live in, and a conducive, loving and nurturing environment for them to grow up in. Yes, it’s impossible to be perfect, but we want to try never the less.

When the time is right, and God is willing, the miracle will happen. And we believe in that.

When we have children, they will become our life.

So the conversation continues, and in the end I came to a conclusion that eventually, at some point of my life, I could be the one talking, on the other side of the coffee table (except for the part of being succesful as the one talking to me, coz that is not for sure yet.haha)

Real motherhood & everything beyond.

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