The Fractal Rangers: Princess Pop’s Predicament

Princess Pop descended from the lights, a flaming nude angel. Halogen green panties, its elastic snapped by an expert military slingshottist, rocketed from the stage to snugly wrap against her pubis and tuck around her hips. Sparks sprayed from stage rear, sending arrows of multi-hued bottle rockets pinwheeling.

Princess Pop favored her fans with a chiclet grin as electronic spiders crawled on her torso, rapidly knitting a horizontally striped purple and black tube top. The spiders, bidding adieu, flung themselves outward, their spinnerets weaving a night black cobweb skirt, and exploded retina-etching flashbangs of poptronica emoticons in a crackling arc to dust.

Princess Pop waved her arms and ghost limbs, phosphorescent blue, slurped along kaliesque trajectories. Riot red fingerless dukes fell from the psychedelic koi trawling heavens of the riven warehouse ceiling and spun onto her punching, twirling fists.

“Hey!”

Pop’s first word resounded, a fell wave, a tsunami of sound flattening the salivating horde and extinguishing the sea of lighters already, before the show even started, clamoring for an encore! Android cherubim wafted like demented bumblebees, their tiny clicking fingers draping upwards her legs sheer purple knee-high leggings.

Princess Pop alighted, finally, onto the polished stainless steel floor, her delicate feet slipping into steel-toed jackboots like a sigh. The audience, prone, rose like grass under a footprint, their moan of anticipation a sexy stench washing over her mohawk.

“Hey!” Princess Pop began again, rising on a blast of thunder, the sweet acoustics sending the first chords of the instant classic Power Pop steamrolling. A transparent bubblegum pink raincoat flanked by the cherubim floated out of the constant pyrotechnics and draped itself onto Pop’s outstretched form. Her boots slapped on cold steel and the multi-billion dollar musics systems took it up a notch.

Pop’s lips as pink as her coat plucked and plicked over whitewash teeth, deepthroating the words that made her a goddess. She sang of punk princesses in kingdoms of garbage and intravenous needles, of the madness of FTL travel outside cold sleep, in the quaintly distilled jargon of the times. She sang: The Ballad of Shandy Peaches the Intergalatic Punk Pirate, Holograms Can’t Love, The Beep Be-bop, Pop and Her Pussy (the clean version), and the honey lava drawl of Tarpit Tangos.

Princess Pop was in the middle of Space War Brutes when she felt a familiar presence crackle through her thoughts. It was Perfesser Prof! He was saying, “…need to be careful, Pop. It’s the big one and as you know, the most likely moment…” Indeed it was, her crescendo was coming up after a couple more songs, that big finale without a fucking denouement, like a body rolling in the midst of an orgasm with the flow abruptly unstoppered. Lights out. Her fans would be pissed, and they would love her for it.

Pop first came to this corner of reality in torn fishnet stockings and a tattered pullover dress. The Prof had outfitted her throat and diaphragm with the abilities of meta-historical she-crooners, and she had charmed her way to the top of the billboard in two years. What her fans  didn’t know, she was deep undercover, and her subsequent disappearance would be as a much a mystery as her appearance.

Pop, as she sang, recounted the cat and mouse game that was her life. A real princess, as real as anything in reality could be, her youth was the smell of hyacinths, the murmurs of wet nurses, and the joyful frolick of her and her twin sister. They lay in the womb, mirror images, and grew up, their violet eyes and peroxide blond hair mirror images. One side of the mirror was Pop and the other was Pip.

Nobody knew what happened. Some said it was the nature of twins, for one to go bad. Pop was no princess (heh heh) but she was a good girl in most respects. Pip broke the mold they both were cast in and escaped north; the kingdom was razed with her pack of slavering wolfmen and the resurrected dead. Princess Pop never had time to mourn. Well versed in the multi-martial-arts of a hundred cultures, she, with a small band of heroes, fought until she was the last one standing.

She owed it all to Perfesser Prof and The Fractal Rangers. He appeared in his fractal foaming craft, like a wild rocket blurring out of nowhere, leaking eddies of  multiverses, his van winkle beard twisting in the entropic currents, his wizened hands waving come on oh, Pop! come on! She got on and never looked back.

Pip, on the other hand, used dark arts and violent technologies that rendered her planet barely habitable to catapault herself into the metaflow of realities. She pursued Pop across dry tales, sent pirates after her in high seas blockbusters, was the dame from hell in noir hardbacks, played the cold-hearted bitch lawyer in massive litigation dramas, was a constant thorn in the meta-metaphoric heel of the Fractal Rangers, all the while laying waste to the worlds within the multitude of multitudes.

So this concert, this artificial narrative was a last ditch effort of the Fractal Rangers to bait and permanently remove Princess Pip from the equation. Quarter through the final song, The Shards of God, Pop spotted a wraith detach itself from a speaker and swoop towards her. Perfesser Prof triggered a curtain of firebrands at stage front, obscuring the twins from the audience. But they didn’t mind, as long as Pop sang. Prof had put on a recording. Pop faced off her sister.

The mirror was broken. The reflected did not reflect the reflectee. They stared at each other and smelled hyacinths from the recesses of memory. Princess Pip was a toothless crone, the horror of her history running through her blood. Her cloak, torn from the furies, moved restlessly upon her decimated frame. There was no room for words.

Princess Pip roared, raising corpse white arms.  She had forgotten why she hated her sister, only that all the pain in the pursuit was not to be for naught. She had subsisted on that rage and pain of others like a crow picks scraps of roadkill from the highway, and a meal of fraternal soul juice would do her right! The hieroglyphics of a tortured language tore through her throat, bringing flecks of blood speckling, and coloured the air with violent violet ideograms. They throbbed and wheeled, spinning into a white hot, flickering artifact, Princess Pop a shrinking black silhouette in the midst of all this light. The audience howled as The Shards of God broke apart in a scintillating mitosis, that would soon inexorably draw together  into a Big Crunch.

The artifact rose, spun on its axis to–hiss and fall apart like a bucket of incandescent water. Pip collapsed! The failed magic ran across the stage, corroding the stainless steel. Princess Pop’s boots sizzled. A couple of concert goers yelped, burnt. Pip lay, a bundle of rags and bones, her neck skewed at a bad angle. Her eyes regarded Princess Pop like an injured puppy’s,  the whites mostly showing.

Diaphanous, bleached of colour and substance, the lines of Pip’s flesh were transparent. She was spread wide and thin, her selves losing objective and straying into lost tales of pain and betrayal, of the disgruntled Catholic mother of twenty children scrubbing pans, of the woman and her smoking gun sent to jail after the murder of a wealthy husband, of the prostitute under the hands of one Jack or another, of the desperate girl and a final candle in snowy streets. Pop was overcome with pity. They had not needed to bait her! All they had to was wait until Pip extinguished herself, her component pieces lost in the megaflow.

In a final agony of movement, Pip moved her mouth into a semblance of words, a creaking vowel falling into a murmur then rising in a sharp intake s trembling into an ohhhrrrweee. Pip faded, a darkroom trick. Pip’s lines, her organic definitions, twinkled into the ether. The stuff of worlds had reclaimed what was left of her. Pop, vital and eternally in the prime of her life, wept as the flames arched above. The song, at its apogee, cut off.

The lights went out.

A Japanese Radioactive Monster in the Land of Giants

The Japanese Radioactive Monster finds himself in the Land of Giants. Upon hearing this he pounds his tail and rubs his grimy claws together the best he could, exclaiming, “I do believe I will feel much at home here in the Land of Giants—ow!”

What was it that stung him, feeling very like the impacts of puny human rockets? What he sees perched on his flank blanches him to a pea green: a mosquito. His mind reels as he strains to reach it with feeble claw gestures. A mosquito?!

Something thunders in the brush ahead and the Japanese Radioactive Monster knows true fear for the first time.

Space Orgone

The blue klaxons sounded on the SS Voyeur and parents scrambled their children to robotic nannies before making their way to the sex chapel where a crowd was gathering under the orgone blue dome, voices calling out deviantions.

“Feetishists afoot!” “Leather and spandex devotees bunch here!” “Strokes for Masturbatin’ Voyeurs!” “Role-players (No geeks!)” “GILFS and DILFS for Golden Showers!”  “Yoo-hoo, Ass Pirates, to me ye hearties!” “Sadomaschos Untie!” “Let the Orgone Radiation Gathering Yark begin!”

The gathered in the sex chapel gravitated towards their favorite deviancy and tapped deep into their psyches for the primordial carnality that lay under the epidermis of civilization. Exterior wear was shed for the seal-slick juices of the flesh. Large eunuchs beat on great drums and small eunuchs stroked bass harps. Castrated midgets cavorted with bells in rhythm as the dome slid open its blue current to reveal the star-shattered inky black. To the beat flesh moved slowly in minds losing thought but for that of pleasure in the now. Large arms pummeled animal hide towards a booming crescendo, rail thin fingers a frenzy on throbbing strings, short legs punctuating each tingle with stamps. An ocean of bodies moved in great ciphered knots. A blue haze wafted from pituitaries, navels, the anal circuit, hissed from hammering lingams and squelching yonis,  to fill the dome with crackling blue energy. The receded sheath of the dome caught this smoke, absorbed it. Outside in the vacuum, the Reich Drive, pushed past the minimum threshold, buzzed, starting its intricate process.

The Reich Drive was formulated by the enigmatic and elusive Werner Schlagjob, thought by Reichian devotees as the reincarnation of the Father of Orgone himself. His treatise on Reich’s lost papers rocked the scientific community, enraged the oil and coal cartels, and shattered multiple political and religious ideologies. The Drive converted the energies from the accumulator to workable electrical energy, and this gave mankind an unprecedented freedom.

Culture on Earth changed drastically. Orgone accumulaters were cranked out by the thousands, the century long dependence on fossil fuels finally severed. Taboos were overturned and religions embraced the sex industry. Bar mitzvahs featured sex professionals to usher the recipient towards adulthood. The onset of menses were celebrated by long dormant pagan fertility rites, the events of which were fiercely guarded by its participants. Ancient hippies, bolstered by longevity technologies, stayed in their enclaves and said through shrouds of smoke, “We wanted free love but, man, even this is too far out for us, man.”

Each home was off the grid and completely self-dependent. A simpler, more pastoral life descended upon the peoples of the Earth, this virtually unlimited energy allowing them time to pursue their heart’s folly. Indeed, many found themselves elbow deep in the loam, tending gardens of sweet fruits, succulent vegetables, intoxicating and medicinal herbs, or herding abundant quantities of farm beasts on the asphalt of overgrown megacities. Rain soaked days and moon dappled nights were spent thrusting and moaning and grabbing yes don’t stop yes that yes under the blue sparks of orgone accumulators. The crime rate dwindled, confining itself to crimes of passion, monetary greed and theft becoming a thing of the past.

All was good.

Then Man’s eyes turned outward. Romantic notions of the stars had always existed in his heart from his moist beginnings in the primordial soup, and now the very possible idea of entering space seduced his sentiment. Chemical rockets brought orgone accumulators and massive arrays of Reich Drives into Earth orbit. There, ion engines and the Drive were wedded, held in conjunction by the accumulators. In theory, the energies of people, ramped up by an indeterminable factor by sexual activity, collected by the accumulators would be enough to propel the ship in the void.

The first sex ships were radioactive shielded tin cans piloted by expendable burn-outs outfitted with second rate equipment, cosmonautic training, and first rate experience in the sex industry. The Kármán line was littered with the frosted corpses of Man’s first efforts. The pioneers who managed to pass the moon in their cold ships caligulated under the red eye of Jove, fucked languidly awash in Neptune’s blue hue, their orgone accumulator flickering with cerulean sparks. These ships continued outward until their sensors stopped transmitting, the fates of the occupants lost forever. The third ship sent out, the SS One Night Stand, famously passed the Kuiper belt before cutting off.

Lessons were learned and mistakes mended. The amount of occupants per mass mattered and had to remain above a certain threshold, if there were to be enough energy to power the ship. Families became central in ship life, if these ships were to keep going. The first generation ship was an experiment that remained in Earth orbit for fifty years before it was deemed a success and sent on its way. Many signed up for the stars and crept across the inky black in these large titanium ships, knowing very well that home was where the heart went.

Exhausted and panting the people peeled themselves from their partners, bade them a good night and went home to their children as the SS Voyeur penetrated deeper into the cosmos.