CHESTER: The Storied Woods

They streamed from the mist.

One of them, a cowboy with a large gun holstered turned to Seamus and said, “My name is Kim and I like to push my pants down in a dry leafy rustle and rub Vaseline on my asshole.” Seamus, astonished, stood opening and closing his mouth like a marooned fish.

“Say, Carsons. You’re looking for the dead roads?” Chester said with his hands on hips, affecting a cowboy swagger. He flung out gun fingers: “Pa-pow!” The apparition flinched, his gun and stance on the ready. “What do you know?” demanded Kim. Chester grinned his bony grin and pointed vaguely to the west. Raising his hat in thanks, Kim disappeared in the mist.

Seamus stood there, still working his jaw. “You know, I’m not going to say anything,” he said, stalking away. “You’re just not well read,” Chester retorted.

The ghostly procession never stopped during their time in the marsh. A bluish man stumbled about chasing a woman crooked in two places on her body, as if run over by rails, crying, “Anna. Anna, where are you? Anna?” A child hobbled through the sticky grounds, once in a while dislodging his badly made crutches from the mud, murmuring, “God bless you, even you.” He turned to smoke, and his crutches sank into the stinking waters with a slow, oily splash.

“My, what a queer little man,” said Vogina. Her heavy arm lifted in the gloom, pointed. He had a strange gait, a distinctive toothbrush mustache, and clothes that were too small. He stalked the grounds with a kind of impoverished dignity, an eminent tramp in his element, swinging his bamboo cane here and there.

A bowler hat hung crooked on his skull. Laughing with delight, Chester rushed his bony legs through the thick soil and capered around the little man, plucking at his hat, his cane. Perturbed at the distraction, the tramp chased Chester around, fell tumbling onto his arse, and unwittingly caught his hat with his head, looking around with confusion. The cane snaked out and tripped Chester. Vogina giggled gleefully, for the first time in a long while.

The tramp leaped to his feet, kicked at the zombie where the minority of his stomach was located then skittered away to a safe distance where he stuck his fist in the upraised crook of his other arm. With a satisfied grunt and a clap of heels, he trotted into the mist. Chester miserably pulled himself from the mud with a glare that warned everybody not to say anything. Seamus sniggered.

The group crept crept slowly with frightened airs, their hands clutching the shoulders of others, their heads turning here and there once in a while with startlement. Only Chester, having regained his composure, seemed unperturbed, going as far as to gleefully lead the party, making unnerving splashes as he chased after the ghosts, inquiring of them. The apparitions tolerated him, engaged in conversations of which Chester’s companions only caught snippets:

“—ow’s Buck Mulligan these days, anyways?”
“Called my mother beastly dead, that enemy of mine.”
“I’d say the usual, huh, Steve-o.”
Or:
“Look, I keep telling you, I don’t know who John Galt is!”

They finally exited the swamp wood, shortly after passing a snoring gentleman who had draped his body along the ground, his head resting against a log. His nails were curved in a length that measured several inches long, and a fine down of beard spread in a fantail shape across his body. He seemed to have been there for quite a long time. Chester stood over the body for a long moment. He said, “Rest in peace.” Then he whistled, merrily marching them out of the fog like a demented drum major.

Perspectives

The Wall: From wherever you sit or stand, face a wall. That wall is now down, indicating bottom. You have changed your orientation by ninety degrees.

Say we are on a bustling street in some major city, perhaps New York, and the street continues for a couple of blocks to the facade of a great hotel. You stand on the street as if you are standing on a wall, and the hotel defines bottom. Take a step, tentatively at first, if you must. The street teems ahead of you, Jack striding down the beanstalk; buses crawl like caterpillars and the taxis are nervous yellow aphids. You might fear you’ll fall and crash through the hotel lobby doors in a rain of shards and concierges. The sky blue condensates with clouds the space ahead, and it is as if you are in a tube, or on the side of a cube.

You take another step, and soon you are confidently walking down the wall street, falling through the flood of pedestrians that surge upwards past you. The spirit grasps you and you start running, becoming exhilarated when the world exists only on the soles of your feet and the inexorable accretion in your field of vision. The door man swings the glass doors open in a glittering arc with a smile and a Welcome! as you plunge through.

A Bowl of Water: A pond. Find any pond. Smaller is best, at first. Lakes are all right. Oceans are cathedrals. But for now, a pond. See. It’s a pool of water that collects in a dip of earth. (Next time you go splashing in the rain, take heed where your carefree steps displaces the water. Just a thought: the Great Lakes after God decided to wash his feet in the Atlantic).

Leap into the pond. Splash about, revel in the sensation of being given slack from the reign of Gravity. Now, swim. Surge into the water, try to touch bottom. Only it isn’t bottom you’re trying to reach; you’re Icarus, trying to touch the sun. Up, up, up through cool brown reaches. Plunge your hand in smooth mud and you’ve touched the roof of the world. You, at the very vertex of a bowl that brims with a thin atmosphere that protects it from the sucking emptiness of space. Lake: ascend through the blue waters to grasp the pebble that floats on the dome above, like a balloon trying to attain escape velocity against a ceiling. The ocean: sea green awash on white sand to rocky flats that give way to terraced cliffs that fade into a darkness more unfathomable than the cosmos; swim deep enough and you drift in the void, under the cathedral of the world as strange creatures ply the currents that carry you.

Footsteps: Close your eyes in a draftless room. Preferably large. Move not a muscle. What do you feel? The floor pressing against you, nothing else. Stay. Wait. Tell yourself that there is nothing else in the world but the thing that presses against your soles like a pair of poles stretching into infinity. Take a misstep and it’s like falling to China, but plumb forever. Is it real to you yet? The danger? Starvation before you even hit bottom. Now take another step. Don’t be afraid. You will fall upon one of those poles. They appear under your feet magically, but hold in your mind that there is nothing else in the world but you and these poles that court eternity. Run. Your steps are like musical chimes, notes in some mad ballet. Leap. Bring the orchestra of feet to a frenzy, for you are rushing across a void stippled with these beams without missing a step.

Gesundheit!

Approaching the dream busker, owl-eyed thanks to the John Lennon shades perched on hooked beak, he opened his clammy, beard-rimmed mouth. Pearly in their moist chamber hedged by unruly strands, delicate considering their owner’s standards, incisively enameling the issue in regards, debriding breath: ‘Instant zen, to go. I would get some cartoons in my head.’

Sugar-tongued with enough grape parfait to last a year, having dubbed himself the reigning charolastro and the logical successor to the moniker moonbeam mayor, he spent the next month prowling the docks, paying careful, time-invested attention towards rectifying minor civil issues ranging from the unwanted attachment of an obstinate plastic sack to an irate twig (he gave the lone breath of an errant zephyr the sack’s company and smiled indulgently at the twig’s wooden wave of appreciation) to domestic disputes between two competing brands of colas he found crushing caps. On that occasion, he delivered a tinny monologue with a such a crackling conclusion that he, satisfied that the colas’ argument had fizzled flat, sat beside a bar-breath derelict of the street and negotiated taxation, in the name of moonlighting municipal authority, expecting a rousing succession of success. Although he made a splash, the tense and jarring deliberation did not end well for himself; he withdrew his tariff and settled for licking cheap wine from his cheek.  

One day, he stood watching the wharf from coming sun up to sun down going and found a profound truth steeped in the stippled scene: God was a pointillist. As the sun rucked in its rays of light to tuck itself under the blanket of stars, he found with his eyes a rose recalcitrantly rising through a section of cracked pavement.  During the day the place was a crush of commerce, of crashing boot-strapped feet and yawing rubber wheels, of falling steel, tumbling plastic, sliding lumber, buzzing machinery.

‘Bodaciously tenacious…’ It was a small bloom, and it he smelled, bending over, his smiling earthworm lips squirmurmuring fondly between fertile russet cheeks. ‘Ewige Blumenkraft!’

From behind, in the shadows, slurring past the flash of winedark flask: ‘Gesundheit!’