困难: 托福 学术写作 HR Management Sample 15

公司：is not just beneficial—it is indispensable to a company’s enduring success；

减少开支：reduces the need to invest time and resources in... enabling projects to progress smoothly；Investing in long‑term employees also minimizes the steep costs of recruiting and onboarding new hires, allowing projects to progress without disruption.

创建氛围：create a supportive work environment
培养员工：not only fosters employee loyalty but also enhances productivity and innovation；accumulate hands‑on expertise；

结构：By addressing... companies can

对比观点： While upskilling programs are essential, they are most effective when coupled with real‑world application

词汇：indispensable；

In the ongoing debate about whether the company should encourage employees to stay or seek for new opportunities, Paul's viewpoint offers a compelling argument. For either office clerks or laborors, relatively fixed job can help them gradually improve their professionality. For instance, if a mechanical engineer work with several high tech machines for years, he would surely gain enough experience to be the leader in maintaining those facilities, making him a specialist. On the contrary, while Claire emphasizes the significance in training to help employees find new positions, the lack of experience in real life may make them unqualified in during the shift, which perhaps results in lower salary. On the other hand, there is no need to spend more time on cultivating a new skilled labor, so the projects can progress smoothly. Therefore, it is essential and useful for a company to encourage the employees to stay.

Only 20 out of 30... why? 

1. Lexical or grammatical errors:
- "professionality" should be replaced with "professionalism".
- "laborors" should be replaced with "laborers".
- "work with several high tech machines" should be "works with several high-tech machines".
- "he would surely gain enough experience to be the leader" should be "they would surely gain enough experience to become a leader".
- "On the contrary" should be replaced with "On the other hand." 

修正后：25 / 30

In the ongoing debate about whether companies should encourage employees to stay or seek new opportunities, Paul's viewpoint offers a compelling argument. For both office clerks and laborers, a stable job can help them gradually improve their professionalism. For instance, if a mechanical engineer works with several high-tech machines for years, he would surely gain enough experience to become a leader in maintaining those facilities, making him a specialist. While Claire emphasizes the significance of training to help employees find new positions, the lack of real-life experience during the shift may make them unqualified, potentially resulting in a lower salary. Moreover, retaining experienced employees eliminates the need to invest time and resources in training new skilled labor, allowing projects to progress smoothly. Therefore, it is essential and beneficial for a company to encourage its employees to stay. 

进一步润色：

In the ongoing debate about whether companies should encourage employees to stay or seek new opportunities, both Paul and Claire provide valuable insights. Paul's viewpoint emphasizes the importance of a welcoming work environment, which can lead to increased job satisfaction and employee retention. A stable job allows professionals, like mechanical engineers, to gain valuable experience and potentially become leaders in their field. Claire, on the other hand, highlights the importance of opportunities for skill advancement within the company. However, solely focusing on training without practical experience may leave employees underprepared. Moreover, retaining experienced employees reduces the need to invest time and resources in training new hires, enabling projects to progress smoothly. Therefore, it is essential for companies to create a supportive work environment and provide opportunities for growth and advancement. This balanced approach not only fosters employee loyalty but also enhances productivity and innovation. By addressing both the environment and growth opportunities, companies can effectively encourage employees to remain with them. 

或者这种两者都同意不太好，我们回到支持一边：

In the debate over whether companies should encourage employees to stay or seek new opportunities, Paul’s perspective—focusing on retention—offers the most compelling path forward. A supportive, welcoming work environment not only boosts job satisfaction but also preserves the valuable knowledge that experienced staff bring. When mechanical engineers, for instance, remain in one firm, they accumulate hands‑on expertise and can grow into visionary leaders who drive innovation from within. Investing in long‑term employees also minimizes the steep costs of recruiting and onboarding new hires, allowing projects to progress without disruption. While upskilling programs are essential, they are most effective when coupled with real‑world application—something that continuity within the company readily provides. By prioritizing retention through a nurturing culture and clear advancement pathways, organizations cultivate loyalty, sustain productivity, and spark breakthrough ideas. Ultimately, keeping talented employees is not just beneficial—it is indispensable to a company’s enduring success.