Y juncture resolution

As mentioned in my previous post, the resolution to seemingly dichotomous priority conflicts is just to do it all, but everything half way and barely successfully.

I did go into the research lab this AM, but a necessary reagent had not arrived, so we couldn't have done the procedure anyway. Tip o' the hat to PLS, but we are the only ones in the place that use (figurative) sugar. No sugar around to borrow. Ants in the sugar? Wait for new sugar to arrive from the farm. Sooo, there were no conflicts after all between research and personal appts. The reagent DID arrive, in late afternoon, so we're on for tomorrow.

I went to prenatal meeting (Centering) a group-based prenatal care model. I watched as the midwife sacred the piss out of all the first-time expectant parents with horror stories. It was "confront your fears" session, and frankly, it could have gone much better. I used to think that more information was always good. But there's a time and a place to NOT give full disclosure.

Then, the "stager" came to the house to make suggestions. There was only so much she could do because the tour was a lot of me saying "Yes, this clutter needs to go, I know that" and "This wall usually has this picture there, but the painter has removed it". Basically nothing was clean and few things were actually in situ for her to make very good suggestions. But she did prove helpful none-the-less. My real estate agent could NOT have done this on his own. He's got NO feel for design (but a great sense of construction details). He also would not have relayed it well to me either. I HAD to be there and am glad I did. In this market it feels like thousands of bucks ride on the details.

One thing that became clear from the staging tour. There's no chance in hell this place is ready to be photographed this week. We have put it off till next week, even though the agent will be gone. Discipline, schmicipline... getting the house ready defies the laws of physics (physiology, really). Simply CAN'T make my deadline. Not by myself, even if I canceled all my appts and did nothing but work on it from day care open to day care close. Well, there's some peace in giving that up.

The staging tour was immediately followed by our babysitter arriving and me going to prenatal yoga, skyped with my hub, this, and now bed.

Hub and I agreed to cancel our plans to celebrate 4th of July in Big City, a very fine place to see fireworks, for him to come home and help me work on the house. We'll spend Independence Day in little city with wimpy little fireworks (if we aren't too tired) this year. Next year in Big City, perhaps...

Tomorrow in the research lab we start the procedure and should make it all the way through without a rush. Then I go to the "Upgrade" inspection.

Experiment failed? Oh, good.

This is a demanding week. The professional photographer will be here on Monday to take pictures of our home for the multi-listing service- the computerized real estate search engine. Given my husband's and my hoarding habits, getting the house ready for "staging" is going to be a huge undertaking including a LOT of sorting into "keep" and "don't keep" piles- something that no paid help can do for us. At times like this, I really hate some of my behaviors (like keeping everything) that feel so, so hard to change.

This is also the week that I am guiding a research student in my lab in some basic techniques. He will be able to do them on his own next week, but this is the first time through for most of them. He is working full time, and I should be there with him from 9-5: from toddler drop-off and pick-up.

I cannot seem to get anything done with Boy awake and active. After Boy goes to sleep (7-8pm) I have a date to Skype with Hub till about 9pm and after that, I am really too tired to do anything. This must stem from a lack of sleep due to the heat and being preggo, very very typical. Even though I know I need every moment, some moments simply aren't available to me (so it feels). It seems the only time available for me to work at home is when the baby is in daycare and I am energetic- from 9-5, just when I am needed in the lab.

I enjoy research, and of course want my students to have success. This morning when the student and I arrived in the lab and found that our overnight growth had failed, and that the entire day was now free, I was more than a little happy. I finally have a free day to work on the house. The experiment doesn't have a short deadline, but the house does.

First signs of Boy missing Hub

About two weeks ago, Boy toddled into his parents' bedroom and said "Dada?", looking at the side of the bed where he can often find Daddy napping. It was a bit sad, and apparently caused Hub some distress when I relayed the story to him.

Tonight, when Boy and I were Skyping with Hub, Boy responded with his usual delight, and smiled and said "Dada" as soon as Hub's picture appeared on the screen. But then he started to cry and hold out his hands to the computer as if he wanted to be picked up by his Dad. This went on for far too long before we said goodbye, cut the connection, and I took him in for bath.

I was afraid Hub would really lose it at this scene. So we decompressed a little after Boy was put to bed and tried to look for a positive side. We decided that it was a good sign that the baby was attached to his partially absentee father and that was an indicator of how much time and love he gets from his Dad while he's home. I will rehearse that, but to be honest, I'm still sad.

Evenings in our house

When Hub was home with da Boy, I was free to go to the gym and workout or go shopping etc in the evenings, especially after 7 when Boy was asleep. Going to the gym was especially condoned by the Hub since he knows that the workouts do me a little physical good, but have huge psychological benefit. Yoga, spinning, etc. were great for releasing the happy hormones (sorry for the scientific terminology there), and allowed me to handle stress better. Absolutely necessary for the workload I carry.

Now that hubby lives far away, and I am solely responsible for da Boy's (10 mo) welfare evenings are much harder, MUCH harder. A typical evening consists of me picking Boy up from the day care... absolute latest 6pm, getting him home and fed in the high chair. A little snuggling and playing, then we skype Dad so Dad can see the Boy on the monitor. The Boy smiles briefly when Dad is on the computer, but I don't know if he actually recognizes his Dad on the computer or is just amused by a smiling waving happy noise-making image there. We talk for about 5 minutes solely about Boy while he wiggles and plays, and grabs incessantly for the keyboard of my laptop. How was daycare? How much did he eat? Still has sniffles?

Then I go through the nite-nite ritual of changing, storybook, prayer, song. This takes about 30 minutes. Then I return to Skype with the Hub myself. By now it's usually 7:30 or 8p, and now that the Boy is in bed, there is no leaving the house. No gym, no friends, no errands, no quick trips to the office. I am stuck here. Frankly, its isolating and lonely, even with the 2-an-evening Skypes to Dad.

How could I fit the gym in at all if not the evening? With travel time and changing, etc., I count on 2 hours for a trip to the gym, especially if I swim (mmmn, sooo relaxing). There is a nursery at the gym and it is perfectly OK. Actually the Boy is very popular there since, I dare say, he is truly cute and good natured. I digress. So to get to the gym before I get Boy out of daycare in the evenings, I must leave work at 4pm, and I can't seem to manage that. I could pick him up and take him to the gym let's say 5pm and put him in the gym nursery. Then we get home at 7-7:30, and that really pushing bedtime if we include the whole ritual. Moreover, the guilt of picking him up at the day care to drop him immediately off at the nursery, then put him straight to bed is more than I can bear. It seems like the only way I can fit the gym in in the weekdays is to leave the house promptly at 7 am, drop him off at the daycare the moment it opens, get a workout and showered to be into work at 9am. Whew. I'm going to try, but its so hard. And that eats away at my workday.