Questioning Normal

ESSAY Questioning Normal Overcoming implicit resistance to norm critical education By Liv Moeslund Ahlgren & Ehm Hjorth Miltersen Sunlight creeps in through the blinds in the class- not here to share a personal story about what it is room window. We just finished writing our names like to be a LGBTQIA+ person. Rather, we discuss and pronouns on the blackboard, and we now turn how norms are the reason why LGBTQIA+ peo- to face the twenty-three 7th-graders in the room. ple – and other marginalized groups – become a We present ourselves, briefly explain how to use minority group in the first place, and how norms our pronouns, and say that we’re from an organiza- affect the way this minority group gets excluded tion called Normstormerne (“The Norm Stormers”): from the ‘us’ and the ‘normal,’ thus creating a plat- form for bullying. Moreover, Normstormerne also “Have you heard anything about what we’re here teaches how norms are social constructs that can to do together with you today?” we ask, and the be affected and changed by human beings. We do teenagers are quiet for a few moments, either shy this through various exercises so the pupils get or hesitant. One raises a hand. an age-appropriate, concrete and hands-on un- “You’re here to talk about bullying.” derstanding of the concepts. The project has the Another adds: “We heard some gays were activist purpose of enabling young people to both coming.” identify norms, but also provide specific tools for changing the norms that contribute to oppression Indeed, Normstormerne’s work deals with both and discrimination. bullying and gay people – but this is just a frac- Normstormene has existed since 2012 and tion of the topics we adress. Normstormerne is a teaches at schools mainly in and around Aar- norm critical and intersectional organization of- hus and in Copenhagen, but also in other parts fering workshop-based education at schools and of the country. The pupils are often interested for adults working with children and youth. In our in our knowledge, methods, and perspectives workshops we demonstrate how social norms and participate actively in the workshops, and create the foundation for discrimination and op- many teachers tell us that they’re excited and pression, especially related to LGBTQIA+ identi- glad that Normstormerne exists. But sometimes ties. That’s where the “bullying” and the “gays” we meet resistance from both pupils and teach- come in. Our aim, however, is not just to talk about ers. Generally, this resistance takes two different how LGBTQIA+ people overcome bullying. We are forms: Explicit and implicit resistance. The explicit Women, Gender & Research 85 No. 1 2021 Liv Moeslund Ahlgren & Ehm Hjorth Miltersen Questioning Normal resistance comes from teachers or students who Many teachers – kind and well-meaning explicitly disagree with our values or methods and teachers who want to show their pupils that ev- argue against us. This type of resistance is proba- eryone deserves respect – want to teach about bly well known among activists. Just as relevant, LGBTQIA+ topics by inviting a gay or trans per- though, is the implicit resistance that comes from son into the classroom and have them talk about those who already support feminist progression – themself and their life. The teachers want to show teachers who have invited us to come and enthusi- the pupils an example of a gay or trans person, astically participating pupils. In general, they want because, the assumption is, they won’t encoun- to make a positive change, but object towards ter someone like that elsewhere. Introducing making radical changes to the status quo. This LGBTQIA+ identities like this – The Special Guest implicit resistance is possibly well-meant, but ul- of the Day for this very Special Topic – just empha- timately reinforces existing norms and structures. sizes for the LGBTQIA+ pupils in the classroom In this essay, we take a look at how this plays out that they are indeed the Others, the odd-ones out, in the classroom, how it reflects society at large, the exceptions. The classroom becomes a zoo and how we as activists tackle it all. where the “normal” pupils can learn about the Oth- er and be told that they should tolerate this Other and treat them nicely. When the guest has left, ev- The gay zoo erything can go back to “normal” and the pupils don’t have to think about “the gays’’ anymore if The implicit resistance meets us at the beginning they don’t want to. and throughout each teaching session. It starts as This way of thinking is not restricted to the soon as we ask the pupils what they have heard classroom. As people with minority status are Oth- about us and our work: It may or may not be that ered, we also become more noticable simply be- their teacher has told them that we’re “gays” com- cause we are seen as “special”. It’s what happens ing to “talk about bullying”, but either way, the fact when a group composed of 30 women and 70 men that the pupils have this perception reflects the is seen as female-dominated. Or when portrayal of norms for doing diversity and inclusivity work in same-sex couples or transgender people in media schools. Often, teaching about diversity becomes is seen as “shoving their identities and sexualities more about learning to tolerate minority groups in people’s faces”. When nonbinary people are ac- rather than questioning why they are minoritized cused of the same just by existing, period. Or when in the first place. In tolerance-based inclusivity persons with non-Danish ethnic background can- education, the idea is that tolerating (or even “ac- not speak out against discrimination or comment cepting”) someone is a kind and welcoming ac- on related topics (or, often, any topic) without being tion, but in practice, it means minoritized people dismissed as being biased. When a niqab is seen become people who aren’t a part of an “us”. The as a barrier preventing interpersonal contact, but notion is created that some people are “normal” sunglasses and a face mask are not. When trans and others are not, and it is the privilege of the women are kept out of women’s restrooms while “normal” people to tolerate the others. The minori- risking assault in the men’s, perceived as intruders tized people become othered, because to tolerate in both spaces. When fat people see their doctors someone is to acknowledge that they are not like for an unrelated medical issue and are told to lose you and, implicitly, that this gives you the power to weight before anything else, often resulting in mis- accept or reject their existence. Tolerance is a way or undertreatment. When fat people are scolded for of reinforcing power dynamics that gives the ma- eating fatty foods (“you’re making it worse”) or diet jority the right to define who is included. The idea foods (“who do you think you’re kidding?”). When of tolerance is one of the major forms of implicit transgender people are told they’re too feminine or resistance we meet. It is well-meant, but it doesn’t masculine, just reinforcing gender stereotypes, or challenge any underlying structures. not feminine or masculine enough, because then Women, Gender & Research 86 No. 1 2021 Liv Moeslund Ahlgren & Ehm Hjorth Miltersen Questioning Normal how can they really be trans? When any minority The pupils shift in their seats, some mumble person expresses anger. The list goes on and on. to each other. They seem confused. We give them People with minority status are perceived as taking a moment before asking what that statement up more space than we do, even when we barely makes them think. have room to exist at all. We are seen as guests in One pupil comments that there are much the majority’s space. We may be tolerated, but it is fewer people who use wheelchairs than people not our space to claim. that don’t, so it’s silly to expect them to show up in No one should be reduced to this. We, Norm- the media. We ask if they think the kind of people stormerne, do not want LGBTQIA+ people to be usually seen on TV and in advertisements – white, merely guests in the classroom – when we leave, thin, cis, and able-bodied – are really overwhelm- we don’t want our existence to leave with us. In- ingly the most common type of person. If the pro- stead of our visit being a brief respite from “nor- portion of this kind of person seen in the media mal”, we want to teach the pupils that they are par- matches the proportion in the real-life population. taking in creating – and thus can change – normal. Often, the pupils seem convinced that the Instead of focusing on the Other, we want them to media landscape really does match reality, even look at normal – and be critical of it. Why is this as we argue that the numbers are skewed. Eventu- normal? Couldn’t it just as well have been anything ally they may admit, “Maybe not.” Then they might else? Should this be normal? Should anything be go on: “But still. You can’t put every type of person normal – is that even a positive thing to create and in a movie.” We ask back: “Why?” uphold? What can we do to change it? This is another type of implicit resistance we The implicit resistance we meet here stems meet – the idea that some things are a certain way from the idea that LGBTQIA+ identities are not “just because”, and that there is no reason to further already present in the classroom, and that these explore why. The fundamental idea that Normstor- identities should be introduced and at best toler- merne wants to present is that “normal” is made ated. It possibly (though not necessarily) comes up of power structures and norms, assumptions from a place of goodwill but ends up reinforcing and expectations. For example, the lack of media the division between “us” and “them” and leads to representation is a direct consequence of the ide- the exclusion of LGBTQIA+ persons from the “nor- ology of the people in power. Norms are power- mal”. Even if the point is presented that “they (we) ful because they are invisible, and we all grow up are (a kind of) normal, too”, this upholds the idea in a society organized by these invisible norms. some things are “normal” and others are not, and In the classroom, we discuss the fact that it can that Normality is good and desirable. All of this be harmful to never see someone who looks like is something that Normstormerne strive to chal- yourself in the movies, TV shows, advertisements lenge and change. and other media you consume. The resistance the pupils exhibit towards this idea often comes from a lack of personal experience. We know that Spotting the norms because individual pupils with minority status and very diverse classrooms in relation to race, religi- The workshop is getting properly started, and all on, (dis)ability, class etc., are often much quicker of us, both pupils and Normstormers, are sitting in to catch on. They have personal bodily experience a circle. We’re doing an exercise where one of us with underrepresentation and the consequences reads aloud a series of statements, and the pupils of breaking social norms due to marginalization, are to stand up and swap seats if they agree with and can often more easily spot why other minoriti- the statement, or stay seated if they disagree. zed groups experience the same. We’re at one of the last statements of the The implicit resistance described here exercise: “I’m used to seeing people who use whe- mirrors what takes place in society in general. elchairs in the media.” Since minority groups are perceived as taking up Women, Gender & Research 87 No. 1 2021 Liv Moeslund Ahlgren & Ehm Hjorth Miltersen Questioning Normal excessive space, the disproportionate amount of just going to have a harder time than others, the space the majority occupy in positions of power argument goes, and if they want to improve their goes unnoticed. The first step towards change is conditions, they’ll have to work to achieve it on to recognize that this inequality is neither fair, nor their own. The gay kid on the football team needs representative of the actual population. It can be to “man up”; the trans or gender nonconforming a hard point to drive home for both teenagers and kid has to keep their head down; the kid using a adults alike. You have to start searching for things wheelchair will have to do the work of throwing that you are used to being indiscernible. their own party at an accessible venue. The ma- The implicit resistance we meet here is the jority of the pupils won’t necessarily outright ex- idea that “normal” is nothing more than just “nor- clude them if these kids manage to claw their way mal”. When confronted with this, we try to expli- into a normative-esque state – but they won’t do cate just how norms – exactly by being invisible anything to help, either. Equality is too much work – control, for example, who gets represented in to be worth striving after; not everyone can be the media. We want to make the norms visible by accommodated. questioning the “normal” and repeatedly respond- Luckily, it’s not always like this. Lots of pupils ing by asking: “Why?” are kind and sympathetic. But despite the support, we still meet the idea that some things just cannot be changed, and that individuals are responsible Can the norms be changed – and for solving their own problems. This is yet another form of implicit resistance we are met with. should they? “The teachers have their own bathroom,” We are about halfway through the workshop. The someone says, “so the pupil can be allowed to use sunlit window has been opened to let in some that one.” fresh air to fuel our brains after almost an hour “Do you think it might feel a little lonely or of thinking, discussing, and getting used to new even embarrassing to be the only one who has to ideas. The pupils have been hard at work, but after use an entirely different bathroom from everyone a short break we are ready to move on to the next else?” we ask. exercise. We present a short case story and ask “Well, if he or she doesn’t like it, there aren’t the class to discuss how the different characters many options left.” in the story might act in order to improve the situa- Where the resistance in the earlier exercise tion. The stories revolve around a specific instance came from being unable to see the ruling norms, of oppression, discrimination, or microaggression: the resistance here is due to not seeing how or A new player on the football team experiences why those norms should be changed. The pupils his coach yelling homophobic slurs as encour- may acknowledge that gender norms are present agement; a pupil is kicked out of either gendered and that they make life difficult for some people bathrooms because of their appearance; a class – but more often than not, they don’t draw the con- throws a party but the venue is on the 3rd floor clusion that the best solution is to actually change with no elevator, barring a pupil using a wheelchair these problematic norms. from attending. “That’s just the way things are”, they say. “She should just pick one or the other bath- People are generally used to being told room,” a pupil exclaims, “or go at home. Stop being “how things are”, so their line of reasoning might a bother.” stop there. If they do try to rationalize it, they “If there’s nowhere else to throw the party, might appeal to biology or evolutionary theory to that kid will just have to not come. Too bad. They explain discriminatory structures, or they’ll argue can attend the next party”, another argues. that the world is what it is, and it’s up to the indi- Explicit resistance like this pops up regular- vidual to overcome their difficulties through hard ly in our classroom discussions. Some people are work. When you have lived in a world that seems Women, Gender & Research 88 No. 1 2021 Liv Moeslund Ahlgren & Ehm Hjorth Miltersen Questioning Normal to be a certain way for your whole life, especial- in separate bathrooms. But while the norms are ly if that world treats you quite well, it can be of different strengths, both serve to marginalize more appealing to explain why it’s naturally like transgender, nonbinary, and gender-nonconform- that rather than acknowledge that it’s a product ing persons. of continued reproduction of norms and in fact The key is the idea that norms and struc- could be different. If the world “just is” a certain tures, not individuals, are responsible for much way, each person is only responsible for their of the hardship that minority groups (and in many own happiness, or perhaps for that of the ones cases majority groups, too) experience. It is not closest to them. But because we are all continu- enough to convince single prejudiced individuals ously responsible for maintaining harmful norms not to bully minority people. The structures of so- and structures, then we all have a duty to change ciety need to change. It’s an abstract idea that can and create change. be hard to grasp. But it can help to be provided The pupils usually agree with the fundamen- with some specific tools and strategies for chang- tal humanist ideology that everybody is worth ing the harmful norms. something and should be treated as equals. But what they are resistant towards is the possibility of changing the structures instead of changing How to change the norms the behavior of individuals. Our job at this point is to present the idea that norms can be changed. For the last exercise, the pupils are working in We can make all the bathrooms gender neutral, groups to find a solution to the case stories we we can accommodate everyone’s dietary needs gave them. We have assigned different roles to and preferences, we can make an agreement that the groups. One group has to figure out what the all parties are held at accessible venues. When person from the case story can do about their sit- the pupils accept this idea – that it is possible uation. Another group plays the role of the class- to make up new agreements, new norms – they mates, yet another take on the role of the parents can reach a solution to the case story we brought or other adults, and one group is the teacher and them. If they are quick, we might push them a little the school board. The last group is society at large – variants of the case stories are harder because – politicians, the media and the general public. the norms in them are even more integrated and “The pupil can ask the school to install gen- harder to imagine changing. A case about gen- der neutral bathrooms” the first group says after dered changing rooms rather than gendered bath- discussing the case story about the pupil getting rooms is met with more resistance, for instance. kicked out of the bathrooms. Both norms are rooted in the idea that facilities “But what if the pupil is embarrassed? Or if that involve some degree of undressing requires the school doesn’t care?” we ask. gender segregation, and both can be rebutted “Well, then there is not much you can do.” by references to places where this isn’t the case It can be tempting to give up once the es- (bathrooms in private homes and many workplac- tablished system and norms stand in the way of a es are rarely gender specific, and unisex shared proposed solution. But in another case story these changing rooms do exist e.g. in many Danish win- suggestions comes up: ter swimming facilities) and by arguing that dif- “The classmates can go together and de- ferentiating between bodies of different genders mand that the party should be held in an acces- is neither as straightforward or crucial as it may sible venue,” says the group that portrays the seem. But most people still more readily accept classmates. unisex bathrooms than unisex changing rooms. “Right,” we say, “That would solve the prob- The norm that different genders must hide their lem for now. But what about next time?” naked bodies from each other is stronger than the They ponder for a moment. norm that those bodies must tend to their needs “Oh! Then we can make a rule about it.” Women, Gender & Research 89 No. 1 2021 Liv Moeslund Ahlgren & Ehm Hjorth Miltersen Questioning Normal “And what would the consequences be in the perfect ideal worth striving for. We can then hope future?” that the pupils will want to make the spaces they “Then we would get used to it. We would are part of, including society as such, as account- learn that many people use wheelchairs and of able, inclusive, and caring as possible. course it should be able to fit in the room.” Two important things happen when we do this exercise with the pupils. First of all, it becomes Changing the world one classroom at clear that one individual facing a problem cannot a time necessarily solve it alone. However, with the com- bined effort of the whole class, very much can be In many ways, implicit resistance is as hard to changed. It is easier to demand fair treatment of tackle as its more explicit counterpart. Direct yourself and others through cooperation and sol- sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, and idarity, empowering each other’s voices. Secondly, ableism are not easy to counter, but at least the the pupils start figuring out solutions that could pre- enemy is right there in front of you in the form of vent the problem from arising in the first place and hateful convictions or oppressive legislation. But thereby actually changing the norms. They start to when we meet implicit resistance from people realize that it’s not enough to just solve the problem who already believe they are equal and fair, we once. They also figure out, and this is perhaps more have to change larger structures and worldviews. important, that it is actually not that difficult to pre- We need to go from “tolerating and accepting the vent the problem from occurring at all. Making a rule Other” to “questioning the Normal”. Counter-intui- about wheelchair accessibility for school events or tively, we need to have a conversation with those a policy about not using homophobic language is who claim they’re already on our side about the straightforward enough for teenagers to tackle – fact that in reality they’re not – and what they have and this rule directly challenges the problematic to change to actually get on our side. “normal” and thereby works to change the norms. This happens in the classroom and in soci- The solutions that the pupils come up with ety at large. The methods for change are the same: recognize how discrimination is based on invisible dialogue, reflection, critical analysis, solidarity, and norms and that discrimination therefore has to be striving for social justice. Most importantly, an in- fought against by changing these very structures. sistence that there’s no “natural order of things” and Moreover, they are solutions that the pupils believe that norms creating platforms for discrimination are possible. They have realized that norms can be can and should change. An insistence that we can changed by human beings – including themselves. make that change. In Normstormerne, we are con- It sounds so easy when the pupils say it vinced change starts small and early. Children and like that at the end of our workshop, but this real- youth should grow up with the conviction that they ization means the pupils have come a long way. are capable agents in the world we live in. That they We don’t always reach this state with each class, all deserve fair treatment and equal rights, and that either – sometimes we make do with planting a they can and should work and contribute to ensure seed and hoping the pupils will get the full idea that. That they should always ask questions when some time down the road. If you have lived the they’re told “that’s just how things are” and when first thirteen-to-fifteen years of your life thinking they meet injustice – no matter whether that injus- that the world has one, natural state that everyone tice is explicit hate or implicit, biased norms leading has to accept, one ninety-minute workshop won’t to hate. By teaching children and youth to question necessarily turn that upside down. But we can harmful norms, we can contribute to creating a present the idea that we, as human beings, define world of human beings who will fight all levels of the norms, and that Normality isn’t necessarily a injustice when they encounter it. Women, Gender & Research 90 No. 1 2021