Responding to negative behavior

Remember the Debbie Downer character on Saturday Night Live, the one who only focused on the negative side of everything? Womp, womp. Negativity breeds more negativity. Dealing with pessimistic coworkers who play the victim, oppose ideas, complain without suggesting solutions, or shirk responsibility can be exhausting. I would put these behaviors in the Level 3 category. Behavior that's truly frustrating. I worked with someone years ago who responded to every idea with, "No, no, no, that's not right." Sometimes he'd say, "No, no, no, that's not right," and then suggest almost the exact same idea back to me. When faced with chronic naysaying or blame-shifting, first things first, avoid getting sucked into the drama. Don't validate their counterproductive outlook. Instead, focus the conversation on your experience and needs. You could say, "When you shoot down my suggestions without offering alternatives, I feel discouraged. I'd appreciate us brainstorming solutions together." Beyond that, I want to share some common ways negativity rears its head for people, as well as responses you can use to stay empowered. When dealing with excessive negativity, provide concrete examples of how their negative mindset might not be an accurate picture. So you might say, "Both times you've said this project would fail, and it succeeded. I'd love if we could approach future challenges with more optimism." If you notice that someone's negativity might be their way of preparing themselves or protecting themselves, you can empathize with their worries without enabling victimhood. So you might say, "I know you feel anxious about this presentation. Let's plan thoroughly to get you feeling confident." Here's another one. Let's say you have a colleague who's a chronic complainer. In this situation, try to channel negativity into problem-solving. You can say, "Complaining isn't going to help us reach our goal. Let's shift our mindset to figuring out what steps we can take." And last, and perhaps most importantly, sometimes just the simple act of checking in can make a huge difference. For example, "Hey, I've noticed that lately you've had trouble being optimistic about things. Is everything all right? Can I support you in any way?" Of course, there's a limit to how much empathy each of us has to spare, don't be afraid to bring in the support of management or HR if the problem persists. Here's an interesting thing I also want you to reflect on. If you notice a lot of negativity around you, it can be helpful to check in with yourself about how much emphasis you put on the positive. Have you left room for other people to be the optimistic one? Here's what I mean. Sometimes when a person is being negative, it's because they feel they're the only one holding that position. They worry that if they act more positively, issues will fall through the cracks because no one else is paying attention to them. In this situation, I found that it can be helpful to take some of the burden off of them by saying, "I appreciate that you're looking out for us here. I'm going to make sure to pay attention to possible issues so that you don't have to be the only person worrying about it." Try this the next time you feel like someone is being overly negative, you just might make them feel heard enough to let go of some of those fears and anxieties.