"Am i being too nice?" is a question i get surprisingly often from start-up founders. in retrospect, it makes sense - the mythos of the successful American CEO has long been grounded in forceful, alpha male types like John Rockefeller, Jack Welch, etc who dominated the competition. you see the archetype on TV shows like Succession, Billions today small wonder that founders who don't fit neatly into the forceful archetype may have a bit of an identity crisis. my perspective is simple - early on in a start-up's life, the most important thing is building a product that people love and want to tell their friends about. if you do that, you will create an enormous surplus of value - for customers, for the team, for investors, for yourself. and that surplus is enough to support many personalities / leadership styles, even ones that leave some money on the table let's say you're too nice, for example - you underprice your product or pay your people a bit too much. so then you make 50% less profit than you could have if you were a better negotiator or more "ruthless." but if your product is 10x better than the status quo and creates equivalent value, then you're still 5x ahead which is plenty to go around another way to frame it - growing the pie is more important than getting really good at dividing the pie. and if those missions ever conflict, focus on growth (and usually product) finally growing a start-up is similar to raising a child - it usually takes a village and a LOT of help. by being friendly to folks, you increase the surface area for cooperation, which is especially important early on when you need the most help and are relatively unknown. if in doubt, i generally think it's better for founders to be kind than ruthless there's a great amelia earhart quote - "a single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees." start-ups need deep roots and lots of trees!
Jonathan Lai so much noise and nonsense out there especially many stereotypes. Best is be yourself, stay true to your values and ethics, stay focused and driven, remain flexible and decisive, and above all, be kind and mindful. Never lose perspective: in the end, we may carry forward our kindness but certainly not our worldly assets.
Hi Jonathan Lai Would you be interested in making a cameo in Season 2 of True Dinosaurs ?
When you are nice, the majority of people wants you to succeed. Some people can get wins by being "not nice". It is true you can be successful this way, but you tend to get a lot more happiness and support in your venture and life by having healthy relationships. I love what Jonathan said because being nice, is great for creating a fertile ground for opportunities and success to grow. If you are making a career in an industry, you will benefit from having a "nice" reputation. It is easier to get support, introduction and allies when people like you. Being nice, doesn't mean been weak. :)
Underpricing your product or paying people more might seem costly short-term, but that 10x value you mention often creates trust that’s priceless for scaling and retention.
fine line IMO
This really resonates, Jonathan. At Argu, we’ve built our entire culture around this idea that kindness, trust, and collaboration don’t weaken performance, they multiply it. We chose to grow through partnerships, not power plays, and that approach helped us attract incredible teams, customers, and investors who share the same vision.
☕💬 Having coffee with my mother-in-law (a retired nurse) this morning, we laughed about how “bedside manner” isn’t innate: it’s trained (and prevents unhappy patients). Kindness is the same muscle. You practice it, water it, and one day it bears the sweetest fruit. 🌱🍓
Nice is one thing, kind is another. I don’t care if someone’s nice to me but treating me with kindness and respect is important. Valuing someone’s time and not cutting them down when they’ve done 80% of the work of the startup… that’s a very real thing that happens
This is such a refreshing perspective. The idea that kindness and success are not opposites but can actually reinforce each other is something more founders need to hear. Building great products and genuine relationships compounds far more than transactional toughness ever could. The Amelia Earhart quote captures it perfectly.
Preparing founders for the future | Head of Google for Startups, Emerging Markets | Startup Mentor | Certified Coach | Speaker
3dLove this, Jonathan Lai! Kindness scales just as powerfully as any product feature in the long run! Something we should remind us on a daily basis