Personal Support Networks: Insights

Hey team,

I just wanted to reach out and say a massive thank you to you all who completed the self-development/personal support networks questionnaire I posted recently.

I’ll admit rather naively that I hadn’t realised it would take so long to complete! My ‘have you got a spare 5 minutes to offer some help’, turned into a mammoth 40-50 minute open-ended marathon for most of you - oops! 🙏🏼❤️

Secondly I wanted to say that I massively appreciate the time, effort, and depth that many of you went into to discuss how you’re feeling, and how you’re thinking about your growth and support. Some of you are close friends, some of you I’ve never met before, but I was blown away by the honesty and insight shown in your reflections. 🧠 💪🏻 Thank you again.

Whilst I’m not going to share any personal insights from those answers, I thought it might be nice to hear some of my collated insights, to see how others felt about the same things:

• We’re all doing the obvious things to develop ourselves, books, podcasts, writing etc. but interesting to read from many of you about being brave and seeking other people 🤝 to help you grow in new ways.
• Fascinating to see some of you are super structured around your growth, setting personal OKRs 🎯, whilst others have “personal advisory boards” 📈 of 3-4 mentors who you regularly check-in with!
• It seems many of us need a little more discipline around accountability for what we’re doing, finding time for working on ourselves, and having the right people around us to succeed. ⚠️ 📈 
• Feels to me that when people and culture are right at work, we are all happy to talk about how we're feeling; but when the culture isn't right we rarely or never do. We were polarised here in us feeling either absolutely happy to talk (esp for founders who are creating culture) or will never talk about that stuff at work (esp those not happy in their current jobs - a contributing factor I wonder?). ✋🏼🤐
• Following on, there seems like a genuine desire to bring your whole self to work, but for many, we just don’t. Some of this seems to stem from our own self-beliefs/expectations or the real world lack of alignment between who we actually are vs the professional version of yourself not allowing it.🤓💪🏻
• In that light, it feels we all need some place to be authentic and where we can be ourselves, even if it’s to share the not always positive image that might need to be portrayed at work.😺 😹
• Most people expressed 3-5 people in their close inner circles or personal support teams, going out to maybe 15-20 just outside of the inner circle. ㋺
• Some of these inner circles for you are weakly connected, and need work, some of you have super strong bonds. All seem to be built on shared values and/or experiences and have been fostered over long periods of time. For these people we always try to be a “yes” for them and prioritize whatever they need.✅
• Our close networks seem all about having people who we can be honest with, and who will be honest back and tell us what we need, even if it's not what we want to hear.
• And it seems we’re all imposters in our own heads 🧠, with many sentiments speaking to the feeling of one-sidedness and guilt for offloading on people, maybe not realising that the listener likely gets as much back from the relationship too in terms of more trust, understanding, and closeness to share back to you even if that is reciprocated at a different time.
• And finally, I wonder is there a need for the need for a sort of ‘third space’ that’s not just friends, not just work, but a group in between, who you check-in regularly with who have enough context for what you’re doing next, and who can be there for honesty, to share an insightful, experienced ear, and offer the right level of challenge for where you’re at now or where you want to go next? Maybe this is made up of some existing people we know, and some new people we’ve yet to discover?

Why do I care? Mostly because I’m at the intersection of thinking what to do next 🤔, and the huge gap I feel of some amazing people I have/had in my life who, when we were building companies together, acted as close friends, cheerleaders, and supportive ears; and that as we’ve all moved onto others things, I’ve found a gaping void of this type of love and support in my current life (outside of my family of course!) 🔍 ❤️

I also realise that not all workplaces are built for the supportive cultures that many of us need to bring our whole selves to work, so as always, my ‘wired for product-and entrepreneurship-brain’, wonders if there’s a better way to support each other just a little better, remind us to stay connected a little more, and build deeper connections with those we care about most.

This is all super-early in my thinking, but feel free to share any thoughts or ideas about what I'm currently exploring - would love to talk more on these topics!