ACCEPTANCE

Facing Life nightmare of shadowy days and years! Can't even

bear to think about it. Well, quit even thinking about it
Sooner or later, everyone arrives at a point where life at all. You live only a split second at a time; that's
seems to become to big to cope with. Life is never right this minute. You can think of only one thing at a
really too much for us, but it can seem to be. When time, do only one thing at a time; you actually live
this happens, we have to get life back in focus. We only one breath at a time. So stop living in a
have lost our perspective, but it can be regained. tomorrow that may never come, and start living one
day at a time -- today. Plan for tomorrow, but live
You may have to come to think of the world as only till bedtime tonight.
unspeakably vast -- the earth, twenty five thousand
miles around, and outer space, full of unknown In short, that big bogey-man, life, can be cut down to
worlds. But, practically, the world is limited to your his real size. Life is only this place, this time, and
house, your shop, and your town. Even if you fly to these people right here and now. This you can handle
India or Paris or Hong Kong, your world is no bigger -- at least today.
than the interior of the airplane, and no further away
than the nearest airport. "But my life is just one problem after another!" Of
course it is -- that's life.
You may have come to regard the world as teeming
with millions and millions of people. In reality, your
I don't know how it is with you, but it took me a long
world consists of a very small number of people --
time to realize that at least some of these problems
those you live with, those you work with, and those
were of my own making. For instance, I thought that
you're acquainted with.
it was my duty to try to solve other people's
problems, arbitrate their disputes, and show them
how to live their lives. I was hurt when they rejected
And the awful menacing future, that unending
my advice. I finally learned that you cannot help yourself allot of grief by admitting the futility of trying
people unless they really need help, are willing to be to please everybody, or of trying to please somebody
helped, want you to help them, and ask you to help who just can't be pleased.
them. Even then, you can only help them to help
themselves. A surprised number of people believe that other
people can hurt their feelings. They won't believe you
An old Arab, whose tent was pitched next to a when you tell them that it just isn't so -- that no one
company of whirling dervishes was asked, "Don't they can hurt you unless you let them! If irresponsible or
bother you?" unreasonable criticism causes you unhappiness, that
is at least partly your own fault. We all say "I don't
"NO!" care what people say," but the tragic thing is that we
do care, pretending we don't makes thing worse.
"What do you do about them?" What to do?
"I just let 'm whirl!"
Practice turning a deaf ear to the person who irritates
I caused myself a lot of unnecessary grief by trying to or upsets you; make up your mind that you are not
be unselfish, to think of everybody else first, myself going to let yourself pay any attention to what "he" or
last, and to try to please everybody. You can knock "she" says, and mean it. This you won't believe until
yourself out doing this and that and the other thing to you try it. If you refuse to at least try it, some
please "your cousins and your sisters and your aunts," suspicious and cynical soul (like me, for instance)
and you find out that they are not really affected one might suspect that perhaps you've got so in the habit
way or the other. Please everybody, nobody's of having your feelings hurt that you'd be bored
pleased; please yourself, at least you're pleased! otherwise.
Charity begins at home, and enlightened self interest So much for unnecessary suffering.
is a basic endowment of human nature. You can save
How about real trouble, trouble that comes regardless result: they make everybody including ourselves more
of what we do, think, or say? That terrifying problem miserable and add to our difficulties without solving
that has no apparent solution? Let's stop for a minute them. Shall we curse God and die? No.
and see what a problem really is.
Do what the politician does: "If you can't beat 'em,
A problem is a set of circumstances that threatens join 'em! If you can't solve your problems, learn to
your well being. And what are circumstances? live with them and in spite of them.
Circumstances are people and things. So, "solve our
problems" really means getting people and things the "Oh sure, sure; just like that! All very well to say
way we want them. Sometimes we can do it. More "Learn to live with them", but it's another thing to do
often we can't. What then? it! Just how do you go about doing that?

There are several things we can do. We can look Very simple, my friend; so simple you wouldn't try it
around to find somebody or something to blame. Or unless you were desperate. If you are desperate
we can put ashes in our hair, wear shabby shoes with enough you'll try anything. So try something that
run-down heels, accentuate our wrinkles, and make works -- try acceptance!
the rounds of our friends chanting, "Poor, Poor Me!"
We can succeed in making our family miserable. We Acceptance is the only real source of tranquility,
can haunt doctors. We can waylay our pastor, beat serenity, peace. It is also known as "surrender",
our breasts and blame God: "What have I done to Bowing to the inevitable. Joining 'em. It can be
deserve this?" acquired if you have an urgent desire to help yourself
and are willing to ask God to help you.
Acceptance Luckily for us, the perfect formula for acceptance,
These various "home remedies" ---blaming simple and practical as a can opener, is ready at
everybody, self pity and the rest --- have but one hand, waiting for us to use it as hundreds of
thousands before us have. Written by Reinhold minute. If there is nothing you can do about it today,
Niebuhr, it is known far and wide as "The Serenity accept it and forget it.
Prayer."
Here it is: You don't get over a forty foot wall by banging your
head against it, you just get a headache. If you sit
God grant me the down in the shade of the wall and say, "Maybe I'm
better off on this side, after all." You may be sure that
Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; God will make things turn out better for you and for
everyone else. This ability of His to make things work
Courage to change the things I can; and out for the best is known as Divine Providence, or
"The Kindness of God."
Wisdom to know the difference.
The Kindness of God
You simply ask God to give you the ability to take
people and things as they are, if you cannot change Divine Providence is that quality of God's action by
them. We can very seldom change people though we which He brings good out of evil, or by which He
can change ourselves. We ask God, further, to enable permits us to do evil so that he may eventually bring
us to convince ourselves that we would not have good out of it. The Kindness of God is the best answer
things otherwise, even if we could. Only God is to the age old complaint, "Why does God let them get
powerful enough to control all things and He seems to away with it?"
prefer to make some things come out right without
changing them.
In practice: face up to the problem that is driving you We are all aware that people just don't act the way
wild, and say "Is there anything I can do about it right they should. Some are mean, arrogant, selfish,
now, today?" If there is, do it! Don't put it off another vicious, ungrateful, and malicious all the time. Even
the very best (are you listening?) are mean, arrogant, Do you claim to be the victim of a greater injustice
etc., part of the time. than His Son? Or more important than His Son? You'd
gladly escape your unbearable situation, but cannot.
Why doesn't God do something about it: He could, all His Son could have, but did not! "Is the disciple above
right; but, strange to say, that would ruin everything. the Master?"
He created us with free will, that is, the power of
choosing to do good or to do evil. He realized very The Providence of God turned the most horrible
well that some people would abuse free will, but He injustice of all time into the greatest blessing of all
gave it to us anyway, because if without it we'd be time. Divine Providence is still turning evil into good,
robots. His plan is to reward us with Heaven but you if the victim of injustice accepts his lot, even as Christ
don't reward a machine for doing well -- it can't do accepted His. When you bow to the inevitable and
otherwise. No free will, no reward. accept injustice, you are not ignoring it or excusing it
or explaining it away. You are simply accepting the
We may as well accept the fact that "It's a sinful indirect or permissive Will of God.
world!" We don't have to remind God of that; indeed,
no one ever suffered more from it than He Himself did God does not will evil or condone injustice; He merely
when His Son was on earth. The big difference is that permits it, even while He works the marvel by which it
He accepted the injustice done to His Son and did not results in good. So if we find ourselves in an
rebel against it. It was through that very acceptance apparently hopeless situation, with every avenue of
that He was to save us. Everything that was done to escape blocked, we must not rebel. Instead, we must
His Son was permitted by Himself for our salvation. realize that God has His reasons, in His infinite
For His Son's part, he accepted it as the will of his goodness and wisdom, for permitting it.
Father. "Father if it be possible, let this cup pass from
And so we accept it, saying "Thy Will Be Done!"
me; but not my will, but Thine be done."
Immediately the load drops from our shoulders, and
the assurance that all will be well, brings peace to our Actually, it consists in the serenity that comes from
soul. conforming our own will to the Will of God. We
achieve happiness by forcing ourselves to accept what
Look back over your life. Honestly, now, can't you see God wants for us.
how the loving Hand of God has brought a happy
ending to many events that seemed to be unmitigated It's obvious that such a course would make for
tragedies at the time? "Why are ye fearful, O ye of happiness in the next life, but it's hard to see how it
little faith?" would make us happy in this life. That's because we're
convinced that happiness lies in getting what we want
Suffering -- satisfying our instinctive appetites and desires -- all
of which is the exact opposite of the truth. Actually,
Some humorist once said, "Just because we have the even if we could satisfy our every desire, we would
right to the pursuit of happiness, is no sign we'll ever not be happy. Self gratification, far from making us
catch up with it!" Sometimes it almost seems that happy, makes us miserable, as we learned long ago
God doesn't want us to be happy here on earth, that from the tale of King Midas and the Golden Touch. If
He demands misery and suffering in this life as the you have been making the universal mistake of trying
price of happiness in the next. The Puritans believe to appease the drive of your self will, stop it! Stop
this, but don't you believe it! God wants us to be catering to it, and start controlling it.
happy right here on earth and even points out the
way. Sometimes, however, we refuse to look where
"Easier said than done!"
He is pointing.

The trouble is that most of us think happiness consists

No, it's not too difficult when you know how. God has
in the fulfilment of our wants and desires, or at the
provided us with the perfect means to eliminate self
very least in freedom from pain and suffering.
will and free ourselves from the slavery of our Contentment
insatiable desires. It is suffering -- the perfect tool to
cut us down to proper size. Instead of going the limit Baby screams because Mama won't let him play with
to dodge pain, we had better start using it. Pain is the the nice, big, shiny butcher knife. Baby is very
only instrument sharp enough to prune away the unhappy; he can't have what he wants, and he
excesses of our wayward will and to fashion it into a doesn't want that silly old rattle. Baby has yet to learn
reasonable facsimile of God's Will; which is to say into that contentment consists not in getting what he
the shape of a cross. wants but in enjoying what he has. If we grown ups
are contented only when we're getting what we want,
we're going to be discontented most of the time. That
Very few people carry a cross of heroic proportions, way, our happiness depends on circumstances over
since God makes each one to measure and there are which we have no control. No human being is so wise
very few heroes. More usually it consists of daily and powerful that he can control circumstances.
annoyances and petty frustrations, disappointments,
loneliness, and recurring disillusionment with Then we had better see what we can do about finding
everybody, ourselves included. You might term it a our own enjoyment. Since we can't get everything we
combination of the bodily aches, spiritual twinges and want, we must learn to enjoy what we have. Well,
mental hotfoots that go to make up everyday living. what have you? You're alive, and you have five senses
The way of the Cross may be hard, but it remains the in more or less good working order. Even if you were
only road to happiness, serenity, and peace in this deaf, dumb and blind you could at least take
life, on this earth. And at it's end there awaits you enjoyment from the sensation of breathing.
happiness without measure, without limit, without
end.
I am not deaf, dumb or blind. I can even look at a Failing that, you can search out and help the less
smouldering dump and enjoy the realization that I can fortunate. If you are not up to that, you are thrown
see it and I can smell it. I can listen to a cat yowling back on the conscious cultivation of your five senses
outside my window at three a.m. and enjoy the and intellectual powers. At the very least, you can tell
realization that there's nothing wrong with my God every morning that you hold yourself available for
hearing. I can walk; I can enjoy the sensation of use as His instrument, if only by praying for Him to
picking my feet up and putting them down. I can be bless everyone whom you meet.
color blind and tone deaf and still enjoy a little baby's
gurgling. As a matter of fact, we can find something If these alternatives do not work, there is only one
enjoyable in any situation, no matter how thing left; simple, rock bottom acceptance. Stop
disagreeable, if we look for it. If we try hard enough, pitying yourself, stop rebelling, throw in the sponge,
we can even enjoy the drudgery of our work. and surrender to the obvious fact that since God
allows it and you can't escape it, it must be best for
Don't make the mistake of postponing your enjoyment you and for everyone. Pray for the faith to believe it
until vacation time, or even till the week-end. Some and to accept it.
people have to go to movies or night-clubs for
amusement and laughs, when their own children can "Lord, Save Us ..."
provide more amusement than an army of M.C.'s. God is infinitely wise: He knows what is best for us.
Let's enjoy here and now! He loves us with an infinite love; He wants what is
best for us. He is all powerful; He can achieve it for
Perhaps the most difficult thing to bear is loneliness or us. We, on the other hand, are ignorant, weak, and
aloneness. What to do when circumstances force us wayward. Yet in weakness lies our strength. Are we
into a solitary existence? First, if you are fortunate licked, beat, flattened, hopeless? Fine! It is only when
enough to have a variety of interest, physical or we admit utter helplessness that we can be sure of
mental, you must make a real effort to develop them. God's help.
No one but a monster could pass by a starving, naked my job, only to get a better one. I have nothing to
infant freezing in a snow bank without picking it up, lose by leaving it up to Him. After all, He can't
sheltering, feeding, and clothing it. So it is with us. As possibly do a worst job of running my life than I have
long as we insist, "I can handle it!" -- God says, "Go myself!
ahead." But when we appeal to him as a helpless
infant, He picks us up in His gentle Hands, cradles us We all are inclined to make the mistake of thinking
in His powerful arms, and our worries are over. that the few minutes we spend in actually talking to
God are all that count. In reality, the attitude of mind
we maintain throughout the day is every bit as
A wise old Scotsman used to put it this way: "As long important. If you place yourself in God's hands in the
as I insisted on driving, I ran into trouble. After the morning, and through-out the day you hold yourself
last crash up I said to God: 'O.K., You drive it!' Since ready to accept His will as it is known through the
then, I have been driving in the back seat enjoying circumstances of your daily life, your attitude of
the scenery. I place myself completely in His hands acceptance becomes a constant prayer.
every morning and say, 'Thank you, God!' every
night. And that's it!" To cultivate this attitude, to remind yourself how to
live with yourself, start today to recite every day the
In praying we must remember that "Father knows serenity prayer.
best." Suppose, for instance, I think I am about to
lose my job? Should I pray? What should I pray for?
God may have ordained that if I do not pray, He will
let nature take its course and I will lose my job; if I do
ask Him to save my job, He will. However, with
greater faith I may pray, "Dear God, do what is best
for all concerned." In turn, He may permit me to lose
The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I

cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can; and
Wisdom to know the difference;
Living one day at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I
would have it;
Trusting that He would make all things right if I
surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.