Seduction Spotlight: Ted Mosby
Ted Mosby represents a different kind of seducer. He uses expert level dating skills to appear
“nice” – and slip right below girls’ radars.
Ted Mosby represents a different kind of seducer. He uses expert level dating skills to
appear “nice” – and slip right below girls’ radars.
Contents
1. “Have You Met Ted?”
2. Awkward, Shy, and Vulnerable
3. Toe-Dip and Naked Man
4. The 2-Minute Date
5. Chase of Dreams
6. Ted the Savage
7. The True Romantic
For my second stab at Seduction Spotlight (read my first one to get a feel for how this
works), I decided to get a bit more romantic (but definitely not any less pimpin’) and
cover one of my favorite characters, from one of my all-time favorite shows: Ted
Mosby of How I Met You Mother.
In this article, we’ll cover Ted’s ultra-unique pickup style, how he runs his dates, how
he manages relationships, and even his taste in women.
If I make any references to some episodes and scenes that don’t have any linkable
videos, go on Netflix and look for the episodes referenced there (I assume you have an
account, considering how often you try and Netflix & Chill dem hoes).
“Have You Met Ted?”
Ted and his buddy Barney Stinson, being both über-pimps, came up with an ingenious
tag-team opener dubbed, “Have you met Ted?”
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As seen in this video, Ted is a bit on the shy side, but only because he wants to stay in
polarity with Barney. Barney is the routine-based natural who has no problem
conjuring fake identities or telling women he loves them just to get into bed with them
(and then leave without a peep the morning after). So, Ted, being the ultra-mechanical
strategist (evidenced by his “I’ll strategically place myself by the jukebox” post up
before his wingman throws him an alley-hoop), he allows Barney to play the extrovert
while he plays the shy friend. Perfect polarity, and a volatile mix of attainability and
value.
This helps Ted initiate his façade as a nice guy. Although he doesn’t put up the
numbers that Barney does (he celebrates his 200th lay in Season 4, and there are 9
seasons), Ted gets the job done for longer, as his relationship game is on-point
(Barney’s is lacking, since he almost never goes beyond a one-night stand; this is the
typical weakness of one-night cowboys).
Awkward, Shy, and Vulnerable
Every great seducer wears his flaws on his face. Some do it so well, that you might
think them a sociopath (and a good majority of high lay-count naturals are sociopaths).
Ted is no exception. Although he parades as an ultra-romantic, it’s just a ruse to help
boost his attainability.
Watch the video above again. Notice how he breaks eye contact multiple times, has
quick, jerky movements, scrunches his shoulders, keeps his voice feminine and weak,
and verbally expresses shyness? That’s his master class act. He not only opens with his
shy identity but maintains it, showing complete congruence.
(note: this isn’t for beginners; guys, if you’re new to the scene, you need to eliminate as
many shy mannerisms as possible; overload on the cockiness and typical “alpha,”
dominant body language, as well as calm, smooth facial expressions and body language.
The reversion back to your “natural state” will come later. Ted is a pro, so don’t try this
at home, etc.)
The Toe-Dip Approach and The Naked Man
Technique
One great piece of advice from Ted is that when you meet a girl, sometimes it’s best to
move slowly. You don’t just jump into conversation and chat her up; you slowly plant
seeds.
For instance, in the episode “The Naked Man” (Season 4, Ep. 9), Ted is recovering from
a bad breakup (well, technically he got left at the altar by his fiancé for her ex/the-
father-of-her-daughter because Ted invited the dude to his wedding, but whatever).
While wondering how long it will take to soothe his heart, he realizes that it truly
happens once you meet a new gal (Ted is definitely a proponent of the “Go Fuck Ten
Other Women”, or GFTOW, method).
He then stumbles upon such a gal (played by Courtney Ford; yum) while riding in his
apartment complex elevator. Eyeing his prey, he decides to teach the viewers his day
game approach formula, which I dub the “Toe-Dip Approach.”
There is absolutely no reason to rush when you know you’ve got time.
The first time seeing the girl and standing next to her in the highly pressurized
environment of an elevator, he simply shares almost-eye-contact and a vibe of pure
sexual tension.
The second time seeing her, he says “hey,” she reciprocates, they share some silent
laughter, then he lets her leave. Since he lives in her building, he knows he has time. He
can be patient and slowly, and methodically, move in on his prey with little risk of
rejection or a hit to his reputation. This long-term game isn’t necessarily “slow”; it’s a
good investment. This isn’t a girl he’s probably never going to see again, so the
opportunity cost of waiting is low (e.g., nailing a girl at work doesn’t have to happen in
the first few weeks or even months; waiting for the opportune moment with a
coworker is smart).
The third time, he “checks the temperature,” and introduces himself without too much
eye contact and quick lean-in. She doubles his investment and looks at him, introducing
herself. Vicki. Now they “know” each other, and he can talk to her again in almost any
form without too much awkwardness.
Then, the fourth time they are about to run into each other, Ted sees her coming to the
elevator and doubles back on his route to make sure they enter the elevator at the right
time. As he does so, she also enters the scene too early and doubles back to ensure the
same “chance” meeting. Lovebirds matched in heaven.
Once in the elevator, Ted delivers an epic line.
“I got left at the altar a month ago. It was a complete disaster. Ever since then I haven’t
been able to even look at another woman… except the old lady on the subway who
break dances for nickels… I don’t look at her THAT way, but, er, I just look at her. I
mean it’s an old lady, break-dancing. And she is GOOD. I’m gonna give her a dollar
next time.”
Awkward silence. The tension builds as he’s unsure how she’s going to take the full
confessional opening (he maybe went a bit overboard and jumped in the pool rather
than dipping his toe in), but then he quickly transforms the tension into a funny,
vulnerable, and direct close.
“But hey, let’s pretend I just said this… these elevator rides have been the highlight of
my week, and I’d love to see you again Friday night – not in the elevator – at a
restaurant, a nice one. What do you say?”
This, friends, is day-game at its finest. Not too smooth, not too fake, not too playboy-
ish. Just raw, real, and completely authentic.
And also, later in the same episode, when he finds out that this girl is nothing like what
he expected (i.e., super slutty, not girlfriend material), he decides to try out a new
method called “The Naked Man,” where he simply waits for the chick naked in a room.
Quite similar to my “when in doubt, whip it out” method:
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Date Template King and the 2-Minute Date
In “Ten Sessions” (Season 3, Episode 13), Ted incessantly persists with his
dermatologist, Stella. Getting nowhere despite her obvious interest (she apparently
“doesn’t date clients”), he decides to wait until he’s no longer her patient. Then, when
the day comes, he asks her out… and she reveals she has a daughter. Between her
daughter and work, she only has “two minutes” of free time any day.
This in mind, Ted comes up with the most ingenious, and low-effort date imaginable for
such a busy woman. Watch the video below.
Considering he (almost) marries this chick (hint hint), he gets a huge return for his
effort. A beautiful example of the law of least effort!
Speaking of adaptation…
Master of Adaption and Chaser of Dreams
He’s so good at adapting, he will momentarily develop the interests of any women he
meets.
This is best illustrated in the episode “Architect of Destruction,” (Season 6, Ep. 5).
When Barney’s firm hires Ted to design a new building, it’s all swell and gel until Ted
finds out that they’ll be demolishing an old but historic building for the site. Barney,
being the genius he is, assumes there must be a girl behind Ted’s sudden activism.
And there is. Zoey.
They recount all the women he pretends to share common interests with (this is why
Barney was so quick to know there was a girl behind his strange behavior). His friends
chide him for his monkey-see-monkey-do behavior with these chicks, but we know this
is just a masterful strategy of demonstrating common interests with a woman. He’s
not afraid of changing who he is to attract a woman and isn’t stuck in the “I am who I
am” paradigm that most men find themselves (and never improve because of!).
He continues to protest the demolition of the old building to show solidarity with
Zoey…until he finds out that she’s married. He immediately changes his tune and goes
back to self-interest: wrecking the site and building a new one.
This ensues a season-long battle between Ted and Zoey, as they run into each other
again and again. He even meets and befriends her husband, whilst she continues to hate
him.
Unironically, she eventually falls for Ted’s new bad-boy act and divorces her husband.
He then goes to her, after finding out why she divorced (as Ted was respectful of Zoey
and her husband’s marriage before finding out about her interest), and she tells him that
she was in fact falling for him, even if he’s a “bad guy.”
The bad guy gets the girl.
They begin to date. It goes well, until the tension between Ted’s desire to build a
skyscraper (and tear down that important old building) and her desire to keep the
building boil over. Ted must choose between his dream and Zoey.
Like a complete stud, he chooses his dream.
Later, he runs into her again. She confesses she’s unemployed, and tells him she wants
to get back together. Ted, the romantic, is tempted, but his amazingly insightful and
successful friends convince him not to (she’s an amazing gal, but they’re just not meant
to be together, y’know?).
Not only can he adapt, but he knows when to move on.
Ted the Savage
Maybe you think Ted, if he were a real person, could never actually get these girls
without screenwriters? No way. He’s a gangster.
Of his ~40 lays, they’re all definitely eights or above.
But that doesn’t matter! He’s such a savage that when he goes out on St. Patty’s Day, he
decides to do nothing but make terrible, immoral decisions and finds that sometimes,
being a piece of shit is actually pretty fruitful (“No Tomorrow,” Season 3, Episode
12).
He hits on a married woman, puts thousands of dollars of champagne on some random
guy’s tab, and get through all of it with only a black-eye, a new lay and free booze.
Okay, it turns out through some accidental voice-mails that he totally slobbers his way
into auto-rejection with a married girl and only leaves the night with a black eye and a
moral shame-down by his best friend.
But he had bad intentions and that’s what matters.
The True Romantic
Watch this video then of Ted’s poignant and transcendent ode to his future wife, whom
he will marry, have children with, and then watch die, leaving him and his kids behind.
Throughout all of Ted’s relationships and life, he was constantly searching for “The
One,” sometimes encouraged, sometime in despair, but never quite giving up.
Then he delivers his eternal commitment to his future wife. His mission, his goal, is
the romance with this woman. It’s about his “alabaster girl,” the perfect girl of his
dreams, a goal of guys in the highest of romantic paradigms (note: very different from
most romantic shmucks who will probably take anyone as their “one.”).
One would think that maybe this isn’t some big act…he opens like a nice-guy, dates
like a nice guy, runs relationships like a nice guy, and always and forever, even in his
secret alone moments as revealed by the show, he stays congruent with his niceness…
Perhaps he is a nice guy, but still not a pussy. A genuine man. A lover of women.
When watching Ted Mosby work his magic with women and life, I am constantly
impressed by his unfettered optimism. In the face of disappointment, he never devolves
into cynicism for too long and always keeps his chin up. He is the beacon of romance
in a dead world.
I know I said that Prince Oberyn was my favorite seducer on television, but I think Ted
Mosby might actually take the cake.
And it’s all thanks to these pimpin’ writers. Thank you, Carter Bays and Craig Thomas.
Without your own crazy romantic exploits and adventurous past, you surely could never
have come up with such a complex, deep, and inspiring character.
