Attention-Deficit/

Hyperactivity Disorder:
Your Child and You
A Workbook For Parents

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INTRODUCTION –
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (“ADHD” or “ADD”)
affects not only the child diagnosed with the problem, but also
parents, families, teachers, and anyone else who cares for the
child. The special demands placed on parents and other
caregivers can be stressful and frustrating, especially until they
are able to learn more about this disorder. As a parent or parents
of a child with ADHD, you are likely to experience high levels
of stress, placing you at risk for developing health problems
and stress-related emotional problems. Children with ADHD
are at risk for developing additional emotional problems, under
certain conditions.

We have designed this workbook to do four main things:

1. We want to help parents reduce the stress they are under by learning to feel
more successful in managing the behavior of the child or children in the
home with ADHD. This may make it less likely that parents will experience
stress-related problems.

2. In time you may feel more confident in your role as a parent, and better able
to cope with stress. As a result, your child with ADHD may begin to function
better at home and at school.

3. This, in turn, may reduce the risk that your child with ADHD will develop
other emotional problems that sometimes go along with ADHD. These could
include depression, and other disorders.

4. The workbook is designed to give you information about ADHD and its
treatment and to complement any treatment your child and your family may
be receiving for ADHD.

We hope that you will take the time to work through the material in this book, and to
complete the exercises and short quizzes.

Don’t feel that you have to go through this all at once. The work book is in 4 “lessons”
that can each be done at a sitting or you can do them as you have time.

The “Lesson Quizzes” are for you to see what you remember. To see how you did, turn
to the end of the Workbook to look up the correct answers.

This Workbook contains references to Internet sites. These sites contain information
that is available at the time of printing. Availability of some of the information may be
subject to change. If you have any questions about this information, please call
800-872-8592.

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 Lesson I: What is Attention-Deficit/
Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?
Sometimes parents don’t know too much about ADHD or have questions. Also, other
children in a family may have ADHD without anyone knowing it. So we thought we’d
start by going over some general information about ADHD and how it is diagnosed
and treated.

Signs and Symptoms - Children with ADHD often:

{ Have a hard time paying attention;

{ Are easily distracted;

{ Have trouble controlling their actions (even when they want to); and

{ Are unusually active or “agitated” (over-excited).

In order to be diagnosed as ADHD, these signs and symptoms:

{ Must have been present for at least six months;

{ Must be causing problems that people noticed before the child was 7 years old;

{ Must be present in at least two areas of the child’s life (such as school, home, in
public); and

{ Must have been evaluated by a qualified health professional.

In order to make a diagnosis of ADHD, a health professional uses the signs and
symptoms set out in the DSM IV, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders. Sometimes children will take special tests to help make a decision about
whether he or she has ADHD. There might be some other problem that might result
in signs that seem like ADHD.

Next, we’ll take a closer look at some of the problems parents and teachers may
notice with children who have ADHD.

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Some common problems in children with ADHD:

Place a check next to those things you have noticed in your child with ADHD:

{ Attention problems:
¨ Has a hard time giving close attention to details;
¨ Makes careless mistakes in school work;
¨ Loses attention easily;
¨ Seems disorganized;
¨ Gets distracted by noises or other things going on;
¨ Has trouble finishing tasks such as chores or homework;
¨ Gets frustrated easily;
¨ Often forgetful; or
¨ Loses things easily (such as toys, papers, keys, books, etc.).

{ Often act without thinking:

¨ Seems to have a hard time thinking before acting;

¨ Seems not to learn from mistakes;
¨ Has a hard time finishing chores or homework before watching TV or playing;
¨ Has a hard time waiting his or her turn;
¨ Has frequent temper tantrums; or
¨ Breaks in when others are talking (home or school).

{ Frequently Overly Active (“Hyperactive”)

¨ Seems more active and restless than others his or her age;
¨ Talks about feeling restless;
¨ Shows very high levels of energy;
¨ Often unable to sit still (classroom, home);
¨ Wants to obey but often doesn’t seem able to sit still;
¨ Runs or climbs at the wrong times or places (example: runs in church); or
¨ Frequently misbehaves in the grocery store.

EXERCISE

Put a star (*) to the left of the three problems listed above that worry you the most.
These are problems that you will want to pay special attention to as you learn some
ways to feel better about how to handle them.

How many children have ADHD?

{ ADHD is very common.

{ Children are only diagnosed as having ADHD if their behavior causes serious
problems at home and/or school.
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 { Boys are more likely to show signs of ADHD.

{ Many adults show signs of ADHD that are very much like those of children with
ADHD.

“ SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT ”

ADHD tends to run in families. A parent may have ADHD that no one has noticed.
Think about whether you as a parent have some of the signs of ADHD mentioned
above. If so, you may want to talk to your doctor to see if you might have ADHD.
There are effective treatments that may be helpful to you in feeling better at
home and on the job.

What causes ADHD?

{ No one knows exactly what causes ADHD.

{ As we said above, it can run in families.

{ Often more than one child in a family has ADHD.

{ ADHD may be a problem in how the “body chemistry” works.

{ It may have something to do with how a child develops during pregnancy.

{ Parents do not “cause” ADHD – it is no one’s fault.

{ Lots of research is being done to try to find out more about how people get
ADHD.

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 EXERCISE

Since ADHD is known to run in families, you should consider whether brothers and
sisters of your ADHD child may also have it. Ask yourself the following questions:

{ Are there one or more children in the household who also have some or all of these
signs? Yes ____ No ____

{ If you answered yes, have these children all been tested for ADHD by a doctor or
other health professional? Yes ____ No ____

If you answered “No” to the last question, we strongly urge you to ask your doctor to
screen the children who have these signs of ADHD. In the next section we will talk
more about what can happen if children have ADHD but don’t get help.

What happens when ADHD is not treated?

{ Children with ADHD who do not get help often develop learning problems. This
can cause problems later in school or as adults.

{ Teachers report that these children may have lots of trouble getting along with
others or, may get in trouble more.

{ They may have more problems with family and work when they become adults.

{ They may develop other problems such as depression and substance abuse as teens
or adults and this may be because they get frustrated and upset at being different.

It is important that children who have been diagnosed with ADHD are helped to follow
their recommended treatment plan. It is just as important that other children in the
family who may also have ADHD are screened and tested. Then they can also receive
the help that they need.

What treatment helps children with ADHD?

{ Most children (and adults) with ADHD can be helped by special medications.

{ These seem to work by increasing activity in areas of the brain that control behavior.

{ Decisions about whether medication could be helpful with any particular child are
best made between doctors, other health professionals, and parents.

{ Under the supervision of the prescribing professional, ADHD medications are safe
and generally well tolerated.

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 Mental health therapists (such as psychologists, social workers, clinical nurses, licensed
professional counselors, marriage and family therapists) can teach children and families
some important tools for helping a child with ADHD.

{ These therapists can often help parents to feel more in control and less stressed.

{ Each child and family is different and what’s right for one may not be right for
another.

{ It is important to talk with your doctor or mental health provider before stopping
treatment for ADHD.

Lesson Quiz 1 – Test your knowledge from this lesson

(Circle True or False & see end of Workbook for Answers)

1. Most people with ADHD are helped by medications. TRUE FALSE

2. ADHD is a rare disorder and not many children have it. TRUE FALSE

3. Only boys can have ADHD (circle one). TRUE FALSE

4. It is impor tant that brothers and sisters also be screened for ADHD.
TRUE FALSE

5. Only children can have ADHD. TRUE FALSE

6. In addition to help from medication, some children and families may also need help
from a mental health therapist. TRUE FALSE

In the next lesson, we will talk about some things you, as a parent can do to help your
child learn to better manage his or her behavior.

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 Lesson 2: Taking Care Of Your Child
In this lesson, we talk about some of the problems that kids with ADHD seem to have.
We will see if together we can come up with some ideas of things that YOU, as parents,
can do to help them. This, in turn will help you to feel better about yourself as a parent!

Focus on your child’s experience

{ Children with ADHD are usually more easily distracted, get frustrated more easily,
and tend to take failure much harder than other children.

{ Kids with ADHD don’t cause trouble, or get into trouble, on purpose.

{ They are usually very eager to please…it just doesn’t seem to work out.

{ It often helps for parents to try to “see the world as my child sees it”.

{ The world can be a frustrating place for your child.

{ Suppose someone told you to calm down, but you didn’t know how? How would
you feel?

{ Kids with ADHD try to pay attention…but for many it is almost impossible, at least
some of the time.

Get to know your child

All kids, even those with ADHD, have things they do well. Just as they have things
that are harder for them. Watch and pay attention. Get to know your child’s strong
areas, as well as his or her problem areas. “Catch them being good” and notice what’s
happening when they are behaving well. As you do this, you will start to see patterns.
Think about your child with ADHD and answer the questions on the following page.

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 EXERCISE

In the first lesson, we looked at your child’s problem areas…those things with which
he or she needs help. Now think carefully about what you’ve observed in your child’s
behavior. You may want to watch his or her behavior for a day or two. Then, make the
following lists:

List 1: The following are my child’s strengths, the things he or she does best :

1. ___________________________________

2. ___________________________________

3. ___________________________________

4. ___________________________________

List 2: The things I like most about my child are:

1. ___________________________________

2. ___________________________________

3. ___________________________________

4. ___________________________________

Now, looking back over your answers, what are some ways that you can let your child
know that you noticed his or her strengths? What are some ways that you can let your
child know, at least once a day, something that you like about him or her?

1. ___________________________________

2. ___________________________________

3. ___________________________________

4. ___________________________________

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Communicate with your child

{ All children, including those with ADHD, need to be told by parents that they are
loved, even though they may have behavior problems.

{ Talking to children with ADHD is very important.

{ Parents must practice the patience it takes to explain things carefully, sometimes
over and over.

{ Get right down “on their level”; sit with them on the floor if you have to.

{ Make eye contact.

{ It may help to touch your child when you talk to him or her. This helps to make sure
that you have your child’s attention.

“Shaping” behavior

One of the biggest problems for children with ADHD is

forgetting to think before they act. It’s also difficult for him
or her to carry out tasks that need to get done, such as
homework. You play an important role in helping your child
overcome these problems. Think of how you work with clay.
You “shape” it to look like you want. Some people call
helping children with ADHD “shaping” their behavior. Some
important roles for parents to play are:

{ “Teacher” – Teach your child better ways to solve

problems. Set a good example.

{ “Coach” – Observe your child’s behavior. Encouraging changes. Praise and reward
good behavior.

{ “Rule Maker”- Set up the rules. Reward when rules are followed. Correct when
they are not.

Below we will talk about some tools you may find helpful in “shaping” your child’s
behavior:

{ Provide Structure. Think of “structure” as being like the lines on a baseball field.
They show players where they are supposed to go in order to stay within the rules.

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 Structure is:

{ Telling your child firmly and clearly what actions you expect;

{ Explaining when and how you expect them to do things;

{ Giving frequent reminders about what you expect;

{ Giving rewards for doing what you expect, even if it is only a “pat on the back”;

{ Helping them learn to make lists of things that need to be done;

{ Asking your child to repeat what he or she understands you to have said;

{ Setting time limits for finishing tasks;

{ Helping your child think through tasks before doing them; and

{ Teaching him or her to think about results….”If I do this, this will happen”. This
helps your child learn to think ahead.

EXERCISE

Pick a project or task that you expect your child to do. Work together with your child to
break the project down into small steps that must be done (and in what order) to finish
the whole project. Have him or her check off each box as the small task is completed
and then check off when the whole project is done. See if you think that this method
helped to organize your child’s work. Does your child think this was helpful?

Project or Task Name

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Special places

Parents of children with ADHD often complain that their children lose things. Keys,
books and favorite toys, are some of the things that seem to get lost all the time. Try
setting up a special place, such as a bowl near the door, where your child can put
easily lost items. In time this can become a habit and your child will get used to always
putting the items there. Before long, you should notice that things don’t get lost as
often!

EXERCISE

What is a special place that you can set aside for your child to put his or her frequently
or easily lost items such as keys?

Special place: ___________________

Work out a system of reminding your child to use the special place for a week. Then
observe. Do you think things are less likely to get lost?

Setting limits

Limits are just rules to help you and your child to know and keep track of what is
expected. Just as a baseball field has lines to provide structure, the game also has a
set of rules. These rules include clear statements of the rewards for following them.
They also tell clearly what will happen (“consequences”) if they are not followed,
such as punishments. Here are some tips about rules:

{ Rules must be fair.

{ Rules must be clearly understood.

{ Always mean what you say – if you promise a reward or consequence, follow through,
every time.

{ It is better to include children in deciding what the rewards and consequences will
be.

{ Help your child practice thinking ahead. “What do you think will happen if you
don’t finish your homework?”

{ With practice, children can begin to connect actions with likely rewards or
consequences.

{ Be patient if your child has a hard time remembering. Don’t give up!

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 Rewards

Praise and support is very important. Even children with ADHD always do many things
well. But we may lose sight of their strengths when we forget to look for them. You’ve
probably heard the saying, “Catch ‘em being good!” Here are some ideas about rewards:

{ Kids with ADHD often feel that all they hear is criticism from adults. Make sure
they get plenty of praise.

{ Reward good effort and even small changes for the better. This makes your child
feel good and can lead to even more good efforts.

{ Expect some failure. Don’t let yourself or your child be discouraged.

{ Point systems, with a chart to record progress, can be very helpful. Your child will
know that when he or she earns a certain number of points, a reward will be waiting.

{ Rewards must be something of value to your child. They don’t have to cost a lot but
they must be things that your child will see as worth the effort to earn.

{ Rewards can be things (such as toys), activities (such as a trip to a special fun
place), or privileges (such as being able to play for an extra half hour).

EXERCISE

Make a list below of 5 special things that could be used as rewards for your child.
Don’t forget to ask your child for his or her ideas too!!

1. __________________________

2. __________________________

3. __________________________

4. __________________________

5. __________________________

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Discipline

Rewards and praise are the most important tools you have in teaching your child new
ways of acting. But when children don’t respond to praise and/or rewards alone, some
type of discipline is often necessary. Here are some tips about discipline:

{ Make it clear what disciplinary actions will happen and why.

{ Always follow through on what you promise.

{ Make sure the “punishment fits the crime”. Punishments that are too harsh or too
easy usually don’t work.

{ Avoid arguments and power struggles. State clearly what you expect, what will
happen, and then follow through.

{ Avoid punishments that shame or embarrass… they make children feel bad about
themselves or make them angry. These punishments rarely work.

{ “Time-outs” can work very well. As a consequence, have your child spend a certain
amount of time alone in a certain place in the home. This can help them to calm
down and to think about their actions.

{ Decide in advance what things will result in a “time-out” and follow through every
time. Don’t give in to temper tantrums during time outs. Younger children may need
to be gently held in place during time out until they learn that you mean business.

{ Let yourself calm down before you enforce discipline.

{ Remember that the purpose of discipline is not to hurt but to teach, and to guide
behavior. It is a tool that you need to use. But remember, praise and reward usually
work better than punishments.

What about spanking?

{ We have not mentioned spanking because most experts, such as the American
Academy of Pediatrics, believe that it is not a good way to change behavior.

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 { Spanking risks injury to the child.

{ Spanking may make a child angry, fearful, and resentful.

{ Research suggests that children who are spanked are more likely to use force in
solving problems with other children.

{ The bottom line is that spanking just doesn’t work very well.

Lesson Quiz 2 – Test your knowledge from this lesson

(See end of Workbook for Answers)

1. Children with ADHD are usually very eager to please adults (circle one).
TRUE FALSE

2. When talking to a child with ADHD, it is better to stand up and talk down at them
(circle one). TRUE FALSE

3. Helping children to learn new ways of behaving is often called _______________

their behavior.

4. A good way to make sure your child understands what you expect of him or her is to
____________ .

5. To help children with ADHD learn how to keep from losing things, it is good to set
up a ______________.

6. If you tell your child that he or she will lose TV for an hour if homework is not
finished on time, you should follow up on what you promise (check one):

Once in a while to keep them guessing____

Most of the time ____

If there’s nothing good on TV ____

Always ____

7. Rewards should be something of ______________ to the child.

8. Check which of these usually works best to change a child’s behavior? Rewards for
doing something better_____ or a spanking _____.

In the next lesson, we will talk about how you can help your child to have more success
at school and especially with homework.

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 Lesson 3: Your Child and ADHD:
School and Homework
In this lesson, we focus on one of the major problem areas for children with ADHD -
school and school work. These are major sources of stress for children, parents, and
school staff. We hope that the following information will give you some tools for reducing
stress for everyone in this important area.

Communication with teachers

One of the most basic steps in improving your child’s

adjustment to school and school work is to set up a
good “partnership” with your child’s teacher or
teachers. Parents and teachers are two of the most
important influences on a young child’s life. It is so
important that you and your child’s teachers talk
together often. Yet teachers have many students, and
parents are so busy today, that often this step is
forgotten.

Teachers aren’t the only people who work with a child with ADHD. Coaches, leaders
of special activities, counselors, and aides also need to know of and understand your
child’s special needs. It’s important to have a plan for parents and teachers to talk to
each other regularly, and not just when there are problems. Talking together regularly
can often keep problems from starting in the first place!

Here are some ideas about important things to talk about with teachers and other
school staff:

Medication

{ Teachers should know what medicines your child is taking in case they notice any
“side effects”.

{ Tell your child’s teachers what special side effects they should look for and whether
there are any other medical problems for which they should watch.

{ Make sure that the school knows of any changes in medication and any problems
your doctor has told you to expect as a result.

{ We suggest you ask your child’s doctor about new ADHD medicines that may only
need to be taken once a day. This may help reduce the shame that some children
feel about taking ADHD medicine in school.

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 School Activity and Homework Schedules

Make sure you know what is expected of your child. Once you know this, you can:

{ Reward improved classroom behavior;

{ Help your child to focus on homework;

{ Give your child praise and encouragement; and

{ Provide help if necessary.

Ask your child’s teacher for a “checklist” of activities and projects due each week. Be
sure the teacher tells you:

{ Exactly what is expected in order for your child to complete the tasks successfully;

{ How much time the teacher thinks each task should take;

{ What materials are expected to be used; and

{ The date the work is due.

Tell the teacher what your rules and rewards are at home. Try to ensure that the rules
at home are the same as those at school. Children with ADHD often don’t handle
different rule systems well.

{ Meet regularly with the teacher(s) to talk about progress, problems at home or school,
and to see if there’s a need to target certain areas for special attention.

{ Make sure to give your child lots of “feedback” about how you feel about his or her
progress. Remember to give lots of praise for good behavior and improvements.

{ Remember that even small changes are a start and, if you pay attention to them,
may “start the ball rolling”.

Working and Playing With Others

{ As you have probably already learned, it’s very common for children with ADHD to
have trouble getting along with other kids.

{ The more you know about these problems, the more effectively you can talk to your
child about them. You can also work with teachers to solve them.

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{ Children with ADHD should, in most cases, not be separated from non-ADHD
children. This allows them to “copy” expected behaviors and to observe other
children “following the rules”.

{ Often children with ADHD are seen as different by other kids and left out or picked
on. This is very hard to handle. Children can become angry, hostile, or even
depressed. It is best to work on a joint plan with the teacher(s) as to how to help
your child get along better with others.

Help Children With ADHD Learn Skills Early

Once you have a checklist of the week’s school tasks, you can help him or her to learn
to plan the work. Teaching good study and work habits is a hard job, but if you keep
at it and be patient, it can pay off. Here are some basic things you can do:

{ Reading with your child or telling stories. Practice reading together quietly for slightly
longer periods of time each week.

{ Let your child take occasional breaks from focusing on tasks.

{ Show him or her how to use an encyclopedia if you have one. If not, do some study
time in the library.

{ If available at home or the library, help your child learn to use the Internet to do
school research. We have included some Internet resources for parents at the end of
this workbook.

{ Discuss news stories with your child. Watch the news together sometimes.

{ Plan field trips to museums or historical places that can bring school subjects “alive”.

{ Limit the time your child spends watching TV.

{ If possible, provide a quiet place where your child can work free of distracting noises
and people. We will talk more about this below.

{ Make it a point to talk to your child every day about how things went at school.
Make sure to look for good things that happened, even on “bad” days.

Tips For Managing Homework

Finding a Good Place to Work

{ You may need to test out different places to find the one in which your child works
best.

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 { The key question is “Where is my child best able to focus and avoid distractions?”

{ Help your child find an “out of the way” place or a quiet part of a central area in
which to work. This helps to keep his or her attention from wandering.

{ Some children need to be away from music, television, or other distractions. But
some children actually focus better with music playing in the background.
Experiment!

EXERCISE

List some possible places that might be good as a workplace for homework:

__________________________ ___________________________

__________________________ ___________________________

Organizing the Work

{ Organizing work cuts down on wasted effort. Without it, homework can seem to
take forever!

{ Many children keep an assignment notebook, in addition to the weekly teacher

checklist. It is filled in each day as new tasks are assigned.

{ You might set up a box or drawer to keep all the things your child might need, such
as pens, paper, scissors, glue, tape, and so forth.

{ Some parents have found it helpful to use file folders, maybe in different colors, for
each school subject. This helps to keep things from getting lost.

{ Don’t forget to keep copies of graded papers so that you can look for progress or
problems developing over time. These can be kept in the folders mentioned above.

{ When tasks are finished each day, they can be placed in a special folder and put in
your child’s backpack or bag so they will not be forgotten.

{ Marking off finished assignments on a calendar can be a good tool.

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Structuring homework assignments with your child

{ It will probably be helpful, until your child is older, to personally supervise homework
time. As your child gets better and better at keeping focused and managing time,
you may be able to reduce your direct involvement.

{ Start by planning the day’s work.

{ Write down what is due the next day, what is due later but needs attention, and any
tests or quizzes that need special effort.

{ Assign a priority to each task, most important to finish might be number 1, least
important might be number 10.

{ It often helps to break big tasks into small ones. You can eat a Hippopotamus, if you
just break it up in to small enough pieces!!

{ The most important or hardest tasks don’t always have to be done first. Sometimes
it’s best to start with something simple. Don’t leave tasks that require lots of focus
until the end. Attention may be lagging by that time.

{ Planning can be daily and weekly, which helps both of you see “the big picture”.

EXERCISE

If you are reading this while school is in session, talk with your child and find out what
tasks are due in the next week or so. Then work with him or her to plan the order in
which these need to be completed. Pay attention to which tasks are hardest and will
take the most time. Then write down a schedule of when each task is to be complete.
List a start date and a finish date. Encourage your child to use this as a guide for the
next week.

Planning breaks as rewards

{ Breaks are very important for kids with ADHD. They help them “recharge”.

{ They can be planned at specific times or at the end of each task.

{ Breaks can make good rewards for keeping on task and finishing work.

{ Don’t forget that you need breaks sometimes too!

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 EXERCISE

Take a 5-minute break from reading this workbook. Pay attention to how you feel when
you return to it. Do you feel more like focusing? Do you feel like you have more energy?
Or was it hard to get back to it? Did other things get in the way of getting back to it?
These are some of the questions that come up with children and homework breaks.

Starting homework

{ Getting started with homework can be hard, according to many parents.

{ Agree on a time to begin. Consider a small reward if your child starts within 5
minutes of the agreed-upon time.

{ Many parents of children with ADHD have found it helpful to sit with their children
for the first few minutes of each homework session. This helps you to track progress
and refocus your child as necessary.

{ Don’t forget to give plenty of praise and/or rewards for good progress, especially
when things are improving.

{ Your child may need your help to stay on task for projects that require creative
thinking, solving problems, reading large amounts of material, or significant writing.
These may require your special attention in helping them to stay on task.

Long-term projects

{ Projects due weeks or months in the future can be a special challenge for children
with ADHD, who tend to think in the “here and now”.

{ Helping your child review weekly plans can be helpful in organizing large amounts
of time.

{ Plan ahead and break big tasks down into small tasks, each with a target date for
completion.

{ Carefully go over instructions for the project and plan the work that will need to be
done.

{ When large projects require creative thinking on the part of your child, gently guide
them. It’s important not to do the work for them but to help them think about things
in new and different ways.

{ For large projects, make up a “timeline” that shows each small task, the date to be
completed, and the overall due date. Update progress at least every week.

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Rewards for doing homework

{ As we talked about in the last lesson, rewards and praise are your most important
tool in helping a child with ADHD learn new skills. That is very true in the area of
homework.

{ When you first start to help your child improve homework habits, you many need to
reward even small steps in the right direction.

{ It’s especially important that your child writes down assignments, brings home
books and homework materials, and remembers to turn in tasks. Always look for
and reward progress in these areas.

{ Some of the things that it is important to reward include:

- Finishing homework without supervision;

- Completing projects within a certain time and doing them well;

- Finishing homework with no mistakes;

- Using creative thinking and/or solving problems on their own; and

- While planning tasks, be sure to talk about rewards. Remember that rewards
should be something of value to the child but they don’t have to be large
rewards. Praise and special activities can be good rewards. But the size of
the reward should fit the size of the thing your child does well.

“Coaching” Homework

Some of your roles as “coach” include:

{ Talking over tasks;

{ Planning tasks and deadlines;

{ Talking with your child about fears and concerns about projects;

{ Helping your child to think creatively in solving problems;

{ Rewarding, praising, urging;

{ Keeping track of progress in completing work and when your child shows better
study skills;

{ Making sure your child has a place to work with as few distractions as possible;

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 { Checking homework (though older children should learn to check their own work);

{ Setting a good example of planning and organizing household tasks; and

{ Looking for ways to make learning fun. This helps them stay focused and it
reduces your stress!

EXERCISE

If school is in session as you read this workbook, practice some of the things we’ve
talked about in this lesson (finding a place, beginning the work, planning long-term
projects, giving rewards, acting as “coach”) during your child’s next homework session.
Afterwards, go over the list above and check off those “coaching” roles you found
yourself doing. Which ones could you add next time?

Lesson Quiz 3 – Test your knowledge from this lesson

(See end of Workbook for Answers)

1. At what point should you have the first talk with your child’s teacher about his or
her ADHD and any special needs (check one)?

- At the first Parent/Teacher conference ____

- During “Open House” ____

- Only when a problem comes up ____

- At the beginning of the school year ____

2. Children with ADHD often have problems getting along well with other students
(Circle one) TRUE FALSE

3. Children with ADHD need lots of stimulation so they should do homework where
there is lots of noise and activity (Circle one) TRUE FALSE

4. It’s good to give children with ADHD homework breaks at certain specified
___________ or after all tasks for a subject are ____________.

5. In planning long- and short-term tasks, it is good to have both a _________ and a
_________ schedule.

6. Rewards, to be helpful, must be big things that cost lots of money (Circle one)
TRUE FALSE

In our next and final lesson, we will be talking about a very important subject for
parents of kids with ADHD…..Taking Care of Yourself!!
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 Lesson 4: Taking care of Yourself
In previous lessons we have talked about how you can help your child with ADHD to
learn new skills and to get along better at home and school. This lesson is about you.

The impact of stress *

Research has confirmed what most parents already know — parenting a child with
ADHD can put parents under a high degree of long term “chronic” stress. Chronic
stress can be very bad for you. You may notice signs of stress that show up in your
body, your thinking, your emotions, and in how you act. Some “signs” that a person is
under severe stress include:

Body signs:

{ Sleep problems;
{ Clenching the jaw;
{ Grinding teeth;
{ Upset stomach;
{ Feeling a lump in the throat;
{ Trouble swallowing;
{ Nervous behavior like tapping fingers over and over;
{ Playing with hair;
{ Increases in heart rate;
{ Feeling restless;
{ Muscle tightness;
{ Chest pains not due to heart problems (but talk to a doctor immediately if you
feel these!);
{ Feeling dizzy, light-headed (ask a doctor about this too);
{ Breathing too deeply and/or too fast (“hyperventilating”);
{ Sweaty palms;
{ General feeling of being “nervous”;
{ Stumbling over words;
{ High blood pressure (another one that needs a doctor’s attention);
{ Lack of energy; or
{ Fatigue, whether or not you got enough sleep.

* Adapted from “The Impact of Stress” © 1999 Ronald H. Rozensky, PhD. Reprinted by permission of Lifescape (http://www.lifescape.com)

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 Thinking signs such as:

{ Mental “slowness”;
{ Confusion;
{ Negative thoughts, “bad attitude”;
{ Constant worry;
{ “Racing” thoughts;
{ Trouble focusing on work or home tasks; or
{ Forgetfulness.

Emotional signs such as:

{ Feeling irritated;
{ Loss of sense of humor;
{ Frustration;
{ Feeling “jumpy or overly excited;
{ Helplessness; or
{ Loss of interest in usual activities.

Behavioral signs:

{ Decreased contact with family, friends;

{ Poor work relationships;
{ Feelings of loneliness;
{ Decreased interest in sex;
{ Avoiding others, others avoid you due to “crankiness”; or
{ Don’t take time to relax, play.

There has been research that has suggested that there is a connection between chronic
stress and health. Some health problems that may be related to chronic stress include:

{ Heart disease;
{ High blood pressure;
{ Anxiety;
{ Depression; or
{ Drug or alcohol abuse.

Stress may weaken our ability to fight off health problems we already have, such as
cancer, skin disorders, or even the common cold!

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There are two major things you can do about chronic stress.

{ Find ways to reduce it; and

{ Learn ways to cope with stress.

These two things may reduce the impact of stress on you and on your family. And
when you do that, you may very well reduce the risk of having some of the problems
mentioned above. And those you do have may be reduced or disappear!

Remember though, that the “stress management” tools we talk about in the next
session may help but may not be enough. You may find that you need some type of
medical or mental health counseling help in order to feel better. And it is important to
talk with your doctor about any medical symptoms.

Learning to cope with stress

You have found that learning to reduce and cope with stress, and taking better care of
yourself as a parent, can pay off for you and your family. Here are some reminders:

Don’t Blame Yourself

{ You didn’t cause the ADHD. Scientists don’t know exactly what causes ADHD but it
is almost certainly not caused by bad parenting skills or early childhood events.

{ Many parents try and try but they feel failed…that they are bad parents. This is
almost never the case. It is not about being a “good enough” parent but about
learning some tools that may help.

Learn as much as you can about ADHD

{ “Knowledge is power”. The more you know about ADHD, the better you will
understand the special needs of your child. Then you can help others, teachers,
coaches, other family members, and even medical professionals, to understand the
needs of your child.

{ There are two major National Organizations that can provide help for parents of
children with ADHD. They may also have local chapters in your area. These are:

The National Attention

Deficit Disorder Association
E-mail: [email protected]
Phone: 847-432-ADDA
Fax: 847-432-5874
http://www.add.org

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 Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD)
(800) 233-4050
FAX 301-306-7090
http://www.chadd.org

The Internet contains a wealth of resources about ADHD. If you don’t have a computer,
your local library may offer free Internet access through library facilities. Here are
some links to information about ADHD:

{ http://www.central.edu/education/REX/sped/addlinks.html - A good list of sources

of information about ADHD.

{ Lifescape (http://www.lifescape.com)– A mental health consumer information site.

Look in the “Child and Adolescent” area.

{ Google (http://www.google.com)-A “search tool”. Enter a search word or phrase

such as “ADHD” and you should get a list of possible links for information.

{ Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com) – An Internet retailer that lists many books

on ADHD for sale. You might also contact your local public library or bookstore.

Build a support group

{ Your best source of information about how to better manage the behavior of a child
with ADHD is other parents of children with the disorder. There may be a local
chapter of one of the national organizations listed above where you might find a
support group.

{ Watch your local newspaper for news of local support groups and resources for
ADHD.

Other sources of support and information:

{ Mental health professionals;

{ Primary care physicians and pediatricians;
{ School psychologists and guidance counselors; or
{ The Internet (see previous page).

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 EXERCISE

Take a few minutes and, in the spaces below left, list all the sources of support you
have NOW. Then in the spaces below right, list some ideas for additional support
resources. Be specific!

Where do I get support now in dealing with ADHD?

________________________________________________

________________________________________________

________________________________________________

________________________________________________

What are my possible sources of additional support?

________________________________________________

________________________________________________

________________________________________________

________________________________________________

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 Make Time For Yourself

{ Parents need “time outs” too!! You need time to rest and “recharge your batteries”.

{ Even short breaks can make a big difference.

{ It is especially important to take breaks when you are angry or frustrated.

{ Find a quiet, private place or ask someone responsible to watch the children so you
can get out of the house for a bit.

Focus on the Positive

{ Remember that nothing happens all the time. If you look you will see that even
children with difficult problems with ADHD have times when they do well and
when things go smoothly.

{ Practice noticing those times. You may be surprised at how much there is to be
hopeful about!

{ Also, focus on your successes as a parent! If you take time to notice, you are probably
doing a lot of things right!

Here are some ways you may be able to reduce your overall level of stress related to
being the parent of a child with ADHD:

{ Plan – As we have stressed in this workbook, planning and organizing your schedule,
and your efforts to help your ADHD child to be more successful, may reduce your
stress levels.

{ Relax – There are many forms of relaxation exercises that you can practice and
learn. Most libraries will have books on meditation and the “relaxation response”.

{ Play – Play is another form of relaxation. Sometimes in dealing with difficult problems,
families forget to play together. Play helps to improve your relationship with your
child and helps all of you to feel less stress.

{ Laugh – It’s very important to keep your sense of humor. Humor has been shown to
reduce levels of stress and to strengthen the body’s immune system. This helps
protect against illness.

{ Exercise – Research has shown that there is an association between exercise and
stress reduction. Recent studies suggest that even moderate exercise a few times a
week can have important health benefits. You don’t have to run a marathon!

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{ Learn – As we’ve mentioned elsewhere in this workbook, the more parents know
about ADHD the better. The more you understand how ADHD works, and how
children with ADHD learn, the better you are able to help them. And as they become
more successful, you will certainly feel less stress!

{ Reach Out – As mentioned above, no one can go it alone. Reach out for others who
are struggling with the same issues. Mutual aid is a powerful tool! Support groups,
national organizations, Internet mailing lists, or just developing a support network
of fellow parents of children with ADHD can be important “stress busters”.

{ Believe – Believe that things can get better. Believe that you really are a good parent.
Believe that your child can improve in school. Believe in yourself.

Remember, small is good. Small steps turn in to big steps. Accept small gains as
important beginnings. Don’t expect things to get better all at once. And small gains
help both you and your child gain confidence to keep going.

EXERCISE

For each of the stress management steps listed above, write down some ideas of
changes you can make. For example, what are some ways you can increase your
exercise? Perhaps you could swim at the local recreation center a few times a week?
Running? Walking? Aerobic dance? (Be sure you have your doctor’s OK before starting
any exercise program!).

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 Lesson Quiz 4 – Test your knowledge from this lesson
(See end of Workbook for Answers)

1. Researchers think that ADHD is caused by “bad” parenting skills (circle one).
TRUE FALSE

2. There are 2 major national organizations that provide information and support about
ADHD
(circle one). TRUE FALSE

3. Small steps can turn into _______________________.

Conclusion
In this workbook, we at ValueOptions have tried to give you some information about
how you can:

1. Reduce stress that comes with being the parent of a child with ADHD

2. Find out more about this very complex disorder

3. Learn some tools for helping your child with ADHD to be more successful at school
and at home.

4. Develop a better support system to help you cope with the demands of parenting a
child with ADHD.

We believe strongly that parents can learn to feel successful in dealing with ADHD
and that there are many things that can be helpful, in addition to the medication, if
any, that may have been prescribed for your child.

We urge you to consider having other children in the home screened for ADHD. Also, if
you, as parents, have any of the symptoms we described, you should strongly consider
asking your doctor about a screening for adult ADHD.

Good Luck!!

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 References
American Psychiatric Association (1994). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental
Disorders. American Psychiatric Association: Washington D.C.

American Academy for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. (1997) Children Who Can’t Pay
Attention, Facts for Families, Retrieved February 13, 2001 from the World Wide Web: http://
www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/noattent.htm

Anastopoulos, AD., Guevremont, D.C., Shelton, T.L., DuPaul, G.J. (1992). Parenting stress
among families of children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Journal of Abnormal
Child Psychology, 20, 503-520.

Division of Innovation and Development Office of Special Education Programs, Office of Special
Education and Rehabilitative Services, U. S. Department of Education. Attention Deficit
Disorder: What Parents Should Know. [Publication]. Washington D.C.: Author.

Hallowell, E.M. and Ratey, J.J. (1992). Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with
Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood through Adulthood. Touchstone Books.

Lynn, G.T. (1996). Survival Strategies for Parenting Your ADD Child: Dealing with Obsessions,
Compulsions, Depression Explosive Behavior and Rage. Underwood Books.

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (1999). Mental Health: A Report of the Surgeon
General—Executive Summary. Rockville, MD: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services,
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Mental Health
Services, National Institutes of Health, National Institute of Mental Health. Retrieved February
6, 2001 on the World Wide Web: http//www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/mentalhealth/
summary.html

Internet References
http://add.miningco.com/library/weekly/aa022198.htm
http://www.aacap.org/
http://www.add.org/
http://rainforest.parentsplace.com/

ANSWERS TO LESSON QUIZZES

Lesson 4 – 1. False, 2. True, 3. big steps

weekly, 6. False
Lesson 3 – 1. At the beginning of the school year, 2. True, 3. False, 4. times/done, 5. daily/

place, 6. always, 7. value, 8. Rewards for doing something better

Lesson 2 – 1. True, 2. False, 3. shaping 4. Ask them what they understand, 5. special

Lesson 1 – 1. True, 2. False, 3. False, 4. True, 5. False, 6. True

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