EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:
A GUIDE TO HOW IT WORKS
Agenda
• Introduction/Overview
• Emotions, Moods, Feelings
• The Science behind Emotional Intelligence
• Using Emotional Intelligence
• Closing/Action Plan
Learning Objectives
• After completing this training, you will be able to:
• Explain what Emotional Intelligence is and is not
• Identify your own primary and secondary emotions
• Describe the connection between the brain and emotional responses
• Use Emotional Intelligence to change and control your emotions
• Apply Emotional Intelligence to your own situations
Did you ever know anyone who…
• Just didn’t get it?
• Said the wrong thing?
• Did the wrong thing?
• Couldn’t get along with anyone? Or everyone?
• Missed cues at meetings/parties?
• You just couldn’t be around?
• Drove you crazy!
Emotional Intelligence
What it is: What it is not:
• Understanding your own emotions • Being smart
• Picking up on others’ cues • IQ
• Managing your responses/reactions to others • Controlling others’ emotions
• Being appropriate in social situations • Manipulating others
• Developing relationships • Extroversion/Introversion
• Treating others well
“ANYONE CAN BECOME ANGRY - THAT IS EASY, BUT TO BE ANGRY WITH THE RIGHT PERSON AT
THE RIGHT TIME, AND FOR THE RIGHT PURPOSE AND IN THE RIGHT WAY - THAT IS NOT WITHIN
EVERYONE’S POWER AND THAT IS NOT EASY”
- ARISTOTLE, ANCIENT GREEK PHILOSOPHER
Emotions, Moods, Feelings
• What is an emotion?
• Why is it valuable to understand what you are feeling?
• Why is it important?
• How do feelings affect your mood?
Our emotions and moods are contagious
Primary and Secondary Emotions
Primary emotions happen in the moment/real time; they Secondary emotions are complicated and built up; they
move us to action. hinder us
• Joy • Disapproval
• Happiness • Disdain
• Fulfillment • Hatred
• Contentment • Coldness
• Peace • Hostility
• Fear • Persecution complex
• Shame • Paranoia
• Sadness • Distrust
• Hurt • Worry
• Guilt • Anxiety
• Frustration • Insecurity
• Dissatisfaction • Low self-esteem
• Disappointment • Self-hatred
• Depression
• Anger/Rage
• Jealousy
Next…
We know how we feel…
What does it mean?
Keep a journal of your emotions and your behaviors…
• When I am angry, I yell
• When I am sad, I cry
• When I am hurt, I shut down
• When I am overwhelmed, I make mistakes
Understanding Emotions
• Learn how to be the best listener
• Watch others’ body language
o What are they are really feeling?
o What emotion is their tone conveying?
o Do their tones and their emotions match?
• Become more comfortable sharing your emotions
Understanding the Brain
Thalamus
• Relay center between our conscious and subconscious
• Helps us to react appropriately
Cortex
• Thinking center
• Helps us make sense & sends messages
Amygdala
• Regulates emotional responses
Here is our chance to change behavior
HOW DOES EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE REALLY WORK?
Our Response to Triggers
• Traffic
• Awakened by a scary noise
• Yelling at work
• Worrying email/phone call
• Impending deadline
• Bad news
TRIGGER
• Activation of “lower” brain regions
• Irrational, kneejerk reaction , entirely emotional
• “Scream and Yell”
• Activation of “higher” brain regions
• Calm response, combination of emotion and logic
• “Work to fix it”
The Key Ingredient: Empathy
• Ask questions to understand how others are feeling
• How do your words/actions affect others?
• Anticipate how others are feeling
Changing your Emotions
• How does a lucky rabbit foot make you feel?
• Has music ever changed your mood?
• A picture of your family?
• The smell of coffee?
• Listening to a story about someone who did something amazing?
Reprogram or rewire your brain: What works for you?
Controlling your Emotions
Identify how you feel and then…
• Pause
• Walk away
• Take a deep breath
• Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, etc.
• Laugh
• Relax
• Paint, draw, cook
The Benefits of Emotional Intelligence at
Work
On the job, people with higher emotional intelligence excel at:
• Staying calm under pressure
• Resolving conflict effectively
• Behaving with empathy
• Leading by example
• Those with high levels of Emotional Intelligence delegate more effectively and more emphatically
• Increasing our Emotional Intelligence makes us better employees, leaders, colleagues and teammates
Emotionally Intelligent People are…
• Empathetic…care how others feel
• Willing to change…and open to it
• Positive people, that others want to be around
• Focused on achieving goals while motivating
others
• More productive
Activity
Think about an interaction or situation at home or at work that caused an emotional response in you, that didn’t
go well.
• Who was involved?
• What triggered your response?
• What was the outcome?
• Based on what you learned today, what could you have done differently?
Most Important Point
• Reflect back on the information presented today.
• What is the most important thing you learned?
• What is one thing you will do to become more Emotionally Intelligent?
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Questions & Answer
Emotional Intelligence:
A Guide to How it Works
