Touched by Suicide Hope and Healing After Loss
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Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Foreword
Introduction
PART ONE - WHAT HAPPENED? THE AFTERMATH OF
SUICIDE
ONE - The Devastation of Suicide
TWO - Searching for Reasons
PART TWO - WHAT CAN I DO? PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS
FOR HEALING
THREE - Protecting Your Health
FOUR - Keeping Your Family Together
FIVE - Telling Your Children
SIX - Coping with Specific Circumstances
SEVEN - Reaching Out for Support
EIGHT - Getting Help from Mental Health Professionals
PART THREE - HOW CAN I GO ON? FINDING MEANING
AFTER SUICIDE
NINE - Suicide, Religion, and Spirituality
TEN - Life-Preserving Insights into Suicide and Attempted Suicide
ELEVEN - Erasing the Stigma of Suicide
Conclusion
Appendix A: Resource Directory
Appendix B: Bibliography
Index
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Published by Gotham Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
First printing, September
Copyright © 2006 by Michael F. Myers, M.D., and Carla Fine
All rights reserved
Gotham Books and the skyscraper logo are trademarks of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA
Myers, Michael F.
Touched by suicide : hope and healing after loss /
by Michael F. Myers and Carla Fine.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
eISBN : 978-1-101-11872-6
1. Suicide—Psychological aspects. 2. Bereavement—Psychological aspects.
3. Suicide victims—Family relationships. I. Fine, Carla. II. Title.
HV6545.M94 2006
362.28’3019—dc22 2005035667
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To Joice, Briana, and Zachary, for your abiding love and wisdom. (MM)
To my dear husband, Allen Oster, for showing me that the capacity to love
and be loved is never extinguished. (CF)
Acknowledgments
We are extremely grateful to the many survivors who shared their intimate
stories with us as well as the numerous experts who contributed their most
current research and knowledge. Their insights and observations enrich our
understanding of suicide and offer hope to the millions of people
throughout the world whose lives are touched by suicide every day.
We would especially like to thank Dr. Frank Campbell of the Baton
Rouge Crisis Intervention Center for his dedication in making sure that
survivors are never overlooked in the study and research of suicide, and to
Senator Gordon and Mrs. Sharon Smith for their tremendous courage and
public commitment to preventing and understanding suicide. The generosity
of the time and wisdom of these three special people pays tribute to the
memories of all of our loved ones who have been lost to suicide.
We are indebted to Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison for her kindness in writing
the Foreword to our book. Her words of endorsement mean a great deal to
us, as we greatly admire her tireless advocacy on behalf of the mentally ill.
Dr. Jamison’s research, teaching, writing, speaking, and work with the
media have significantly lessened the stigma against suicidal individuals
and their families, and have helped us all.
In addition, we would like to thank Donna Barnes, Lanny Berman, Iris
Bolton, Jim Clemons, Joan and Norman Fine, Robert Gebbia, Sonia Heuer,
Emily Holmes, Sue Kenyon, Amole Khadilkar, Gordon Livingston,
Elizabeth Maxwell, Sherry Davis Molock, Marsha Norton, Jerry Reed,
James Rogers, Kathie Russo, Ted Rynearson, Skip Simpson, Melanie
Spritz, and James Werth. Their personal experience and professional
expertise helped us to better understand the mystery surrounding suicide
and to offer specific steps for healing and understanding after loss.
We are also grateful to the many other people whom we interviewed
separately or together, including Jim Barrett, Mike Beamish, Charles
Edwards, Fred Fox, Anna Graves, Bertha Hanschke, Doug Spearman, Joan
Stogryn, Kathleen Troy, and Eli Zal. Their stories and time with us have
been invaluable.
On a personal note, Michael would like to thank Bob Simon for his
collegiality, mentorship, and scholarly research on suicide risk assessment;
Leah Dickstein for her friendship, warmth of heart, and pedagogical
collaboration of two decades; Bill Womack for his embracing spirit,
integrity, and tireless outreach to troubled youth; and all of my mental
health colleagues in Canada and the United States for their commitment to
suicide prevention and caring support to survivor families. I would also like
to thank, in every way possible, all of my patients who have entrusted me
with their lives, allowing me to help them and to chronicle their anguish,
despair, and courage so that others can learn or be benefited. Most
important, I want to thank my wife, Joice, whose brilliance, zaniness, and
enduring affection sustain me; my daughter, Briana, whose healing journey
as a survivor of suicide and career in clinical social work inspire me; and
my son, Zachary, whose intellectual curiosity and philosopher ’s mind
humble me.
Carla would like to thank Lola Finkelstein for her constant support and
inspiration as an independent and compassionate role model; Deborah
Glazer and Rabbi Abraham Eckstein for their wisdom and insights;
Alexander Kopelman, Sarah Murdoch, and Dolly Velasco for their
unconditional friendship; and Janet, Jill, and Ellen Fine for their courage
and determination to honor our parents’ values and beliefs. I would also like
to pay tribute to the memories of Harry Reiss, my inspiration and muse for
this book, and my mother, Lillian Fine, who embraced every minute of her
ninety years until her last breath on December 2, 2004. Most important, I
am grateful to my kind, funny, and loving husband, Allen Oster, and to our
adopted daughter, Aukia Marie Betancourt, who brings constant joy and
enlightenment into our life.
This book exists today as the result of an extraordinary combination of
brave and intelligent people who believed in us every step of the way. Our
agent, Jim Levine, helped shape the message of hope and healing after
suicide, and his personal interest in the subject was instrumental in making
sure that our book would find its needed audience. We would also like to
thank Lindsay Edgecombe at the Levine Greenberg Literary Agency for her
gracious help in assisting us with many of the details in the publication of
the book.
Every page of this book reflects the influence, intelligence, and guiding
hand of our wonderful editor, Erin Moore. Erin’s enthusiasm and belief in
our mission inspired us, motivated us, and, ultimately, educated us. This
book is as much hers as ours, and we are grateful and honored to have
worked with her.
Finally, we would like to acknowledge the cherished memories of all of
our loved ones who have been lost to suicide, and those of us who
remember them and hold them dear. We are all connected, and we are not
alone.
