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A Practical Guide to
the Safety Profession
A Practical Guide to
the Safety Profession
The Relentless Pursuit

Jason A. Maldonado CSP, SMS

CRC Press
Taylor & Francis Group
6000 Broken Sound Parkway NW, Suite 300
Boca Raton, FL 33487-2742
© 2020 by Taylor & Francis Group, LLC
CRC Press is an imprint of Taylor & Francis Group, an Informa business
No claim to original U.S. Government works
Printed on acid-free paper
International Standard Book Number-13: 978-0-367-34749-9 (Hardback)
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 For Nick,
I ’ll always miss our talks and s trategy s essions.
I le a rn e d m o r e f r o m y o u a b o u t a i r p l a ne s tha n
I pr o ba b l y e v e r w an t e d to kn o w . Y o u l e f t a v o i d t h a t
c a n n e v e r b e fi lled, my friend. Thanks fo r the stories.
 CONTENTS

Acknowledgments ix
Foreword xi
Prologue: I Drew a Snake …. xiii
About the Author xvii

PART I FORGET THE TRIVIAL: AN UNCONVENTIONAL INTRODUCTION TO

OCCUPATIONAL SAFETY

1 F … orget OSHA 3

2 Hey Safety Guys! You Missed a Hazard! 9

3 Backstabbers with … “Passion” for Safety 19

4 Risk in Real Time 27

5 Inspector Bob 31

PART II FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS

6 Padzilla 39

7 Aim at the Wrong Target, Get the Wrong Score 45

8 Quit Saying “Shall,” You’re Not Shakespeare 55

9 Add Value, Not Words 63

10 Choose Your Enemies Wisely 69

vii
VIII CONTENTS

11 The One Wire Difference 75

12 Read Between the Lines 81

13 Build a Foundation, Not a Rulebook 87

14 Never Trust the President 93

15 The Pilot’s Perspective 97

16 The Gecko 101

PART III DO WHAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE

17 We Should Do Something! 111

18 “Safety Assessment Stick” Beatings 117

19 The Ice Method 127

Epilogue: One Night at a Hometown Diner 131

Works Cited 133
Index 135
 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I always find it entertaining to watch celebrities give their tear-

filled thanks to all of the people who have made it possible to
stand on this or that prestigious stage. Mostly because those
speeches feel genuine, sometimes because they’re awkward. If it
makes it easier, feel free to envision me in my sparkliest tiara as
I look upon a crowd of adoring fans and deliver this obligatory
thanks to those who have supported me in this journey. In real-
ity, though, it’s not nearly that glamorous. Those who have sup-
ported me through this process are the ones who deserve an
award, not me.
I’ve said since I was a child that I wanted to be a writer. But
the cold hard truth is that I never had the guts to pick up my
pen (metaphorically speaking) and write something for the
world to read. Well, now I have. But not because I’m particu-
larly wise or worthy to teach the lessons within this book.
Ultimately, these words are here because my dad finally told me
to quit talking and start writing. For that I owe him an eternal
debt of gratitude.
Once I started, however, there was one person who kept my
feet to the fire in spite of my constant, malicious self-sabotage.
That person is my wife Jennifer. She forced this thing out of
me. For that, I will never be able to thank her adequately. She
has endured the ups, downs, and everything in between just to
see me realize a personal dream. I’m certain there’s not another
soul on earth who would have put up with all that (seriously,
I’m a whiny little bitch sometimes).

ix
X ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

In addition to my wife and my dad, I would be remiss if

I didn’t thank Phil La Duke, Clive Lloyd, Mike Rogers, Rich
Marr, and Don King. None of you had any reason to give me
the time of day, but your feedback has been invaluable. Thank
you.
I hope you all enjoy these stories.
 FOREWORD

Anyone who has sat through the excruciatingly boring time

waster that passes for a safety meeting will love this book. Like
Jason, I have been told too many times that safety isn’t funny,
and I am finally ready to admit that they are right: safety isn’t
funny. It is a humorless world where one wrong word can get you
in trouble and chastised like the wiseacre sent to the proverbial
principal’s office for cracking jokes while other people are trying
to learn. But it shouldn’t be drudgery to reduce risk; in fact,
Jason proves safety can be funny without endangering lives.
Jason takes the reader down the rabbit’s hole of worker safety
where good, reasonable, hardworking safety professionals get
caught up in a nightmarish world performing tasks that “just don’t
matter.” From the madness of measuring nothing, to the quirks
and foibles of people who have risen far above their competency
level, to people who rabidly argue for or against theories that are
completely pointless. Jason brings this world to life with anecdotes
from his storied career. Even if you don’t work in the field of safety
you will likely be able to relate to Jason’s stories about the people
he has met and will likely gain insight from his sage advice that, if
you look hard enough, you will be able to apply in your lives.
Oh, and he drew a snake.
Phil La Duke
Global Safety Consultant
Blogger
Author of I Know My Shoes Are Untied, Mind Your Own
Business! An Iconoclast’s View of Safety and Lone
Gunman: Rewriting the Handbook on Workplace
Violence Prevention
Social Maladroit

xi
 PROLOGUE: I DREW A SNAKE …

“Jase, safety’s not funny!”

Nick’s thinly veiled grin betrayed his otherwise stern chastise-
ment. Tony blushed a little and chuckled softly with his head
down. Kelly, unsurprisingly, was oblivious and completely
missed the blatant sarcasm. I smiled as I put down my master-
ful artwork and quickly read through my non-update.
The four of us were sitting around the “Safety Table” for our
daily team meeting. We had met at that table every day at 11
a.m. for the past two years. It was a routine, structured, efficient
way for the Safety Department to communicate. It was also
mind-numbing and excruciatingly painful. The kind of meeting
that makes you wish you could dig your eyeballs out of your
skull with a spoon and stuff them in your ears so you neither
had to see nor hear what was going on. It was robotic:

• 11:00 Nick (our manager) would start us off by running

through pertinent announcements (quick and painless).
• 11:05 Tony (second most senior to Nick) would discuss
a few items from his contracts that he needed advice or
input on (also quick, yet efficient).
• 11:10 Nick, Tony, and I would drift into a deep, thoughtless
trance while Kelly talked through every nuance of his day.
Coffee with the contractors … how bad the Porta-Johns
were … every chemical that was going to be used on site
that day … the arguments he’d had with field engineers …
how much concrete was being poured on level 2, section five

xiii
XIV PROLOGUE: I DREW A SNAKE …

of the new garage … The missing period on one sentence of

a contract submittal that made him question his decision to
approve it … EVERYTHING!
• 11:55 Nick, upon waking from his eyes-open nap, would
ask me what I had to contribute.

That day I had only a hand-drawn picture of a snake. It was an

excellent snake. Magnificent even. Thus, I shared it and was
instructed … once again … that safety was not funny.
Don’t get me wrong, the four of us were a high functioning,
well-balanced team. Probably the best I’ve ever been a part of.
Nick was a coach, mentor, and moral compass. Tony was an
infinite databank of Occupational Safety and Health Adminis-
tration (OSHA) regulation and interpretation. Kelly, in spite of
lacking the ability to sense sarcasm, was tolerable compared to
many more I would meet in years to come. He was unwaver-
ingly old-school, set in his ways, and an unrelenting people
pleaser (more on that later), but he did understand the nuts and
bolts better than most. I drew up the rear, soaking in the know-
ledge of my more experienced peers while organizing and
broadcasting all of the data, reports, and trends they developed
in the field. After two years of daily meetings, we could almost
read each other’s thoughts. Truthfully, the meetings were not
needed at that point, but we kept them because they had been
the backbone of our success.
Nick had known from the start that the success of our fledg-
ling safety department was entirely dependent on two things:
Cohesive teamwork and clear direction. He had recognized the
strengths and weaknesses in each of us and saw an urgent need
to use them to create harmony rather than allow them to tear
us apart and serve our own interests and career aspirations. In
doing so, he bolstered each of us far beyond what we could
have become as the independent operators we had been at the
start. Along the way, we learned some very powerful lessons
and saw some rare glimpses of what true success in industrial
safety looks like. My goal is that I’ll be able to do those lessons
justice in the pages to come.
The day I drew the snake is seared into my mind for eternity.
Not because the day in itself was significant. I honestly don’t
remember anything else about that day except saying “I drew
a snake.” The reason I remember it is because that phrase
 PROLOGUE: I DREW A SNAKE … XV

became a running gag between Nick and me until the day he

passed away. Tony always chuckled when anyone mentioned it.
Kelly never understood it was a joke, so I took every opportun-
ity to snarkily throw it into conversations with him. It was
a dividing line, a stark representation of the small difference
between those who “get it” and the others who are wandering
aimlessly in the dark clinging to catchphrases and flavors of the
month. The truth is safety can be funny. It’s deadly serious, but
sometimes it’s OK to laugh, especially at ourselves. Nick knew
it, Tony still knows it, and I’m here at this keyboard trying to
string together thoughts that (hopefully) will guide a new gener-
ation of leaders to think differently than the Kellys of the world
and make real impacts in the lives of those who work with and
around them.
This book is a tribute. Nick, as you may have gathered, was
a wise old man (69 years old when I first met him). He took
a young, ambitious bulldog who thought rules and regulations
were king and made him (me) question everything he thought.
I hope I can do the same for anyone reading this. Maybe it will
help someone else pursue #relentlesssafety…
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