JEALOUSY
AND
ENVY
The Comparison
Emotions
Jealousy
Jealousy
Jealousyis an emotion,
and the word typically
refers to the negative
thoughts and feelings of
insecurity, fear, and
anxiety over an
anticipated loss of
something of great
personal value,
particularly in reference
to a human connection.
Jealousy
Jealousy is not seen as such a primal driving force. It is
more of a common experience that we might all relate
to. People that are jealous may also experience
anxiety, negative thoughts and feelings, possibly
obsessively thinking about events that may or may not
be occurring.
They will put themselves into negative situations that
reinforce their beliefs. Many confront others while
others hide away and detach from people and
situations. Jealousy is more a symptom of insecurity
and lack of confidence in own ability to maintain strong
healthy relationships with others and success in other
areas of life.
Jealousy
Possible reasons for jealousy
Fear of losing someone that you are attached to
Thinking that someone has what you ought to
have
Feeling left out of situations, friendships
Believing others to have more friends than you
Seeing others as having more opportunities than
you, better life, more experiences, more
successful love lives
Seeing others as better than you, luckier than you
in some way
Envy
Envyis anemotionwhich appears when a
person lacks another's superior quality,
achievement, or possession and either desires
it or wishes that the other lacked it
People that are envious can experience painful
overwhelming emotions due to somebody else
owning or possessing something that they do
not have. For example more money, a new
kitchen or car. Envy is a symptom of desire
which is rooted in a depth or well of internal
emptiness and low self-esteem.
Envy
Possible objects of envy
Success of another in love, relationships
or work situations
The possessions of another
Personal qualities of others
Financial status of another
Cultural differences such as strong family
ties and community
The perceived luck of others
Envy
Envy says I want what you have.
When we envy, we are acting on a
belief
that having
thisthingwe want will provide
us with greater stature or happiness
and that not having
thisthingdiminishes
us in some way.Thethingcan beanything:
looks, money, position, relationship.
Jealousy and Envy
Jealousy and envy are emotions
that everyone experiences from
time to time (whether it be in
the context of friendships,
romance or work), and that
doesn't mean it'seasyto deal
with these feelings.Jealousy is
solicited anytime there is a
threat to something that is of
value to an individual (in other
words, it's that icky feeling you
get when you are afraid
something will be taken away
from you). Envy, on the other
hand, is the emotion solicited
when somebody has something
that you want for yourself.
Jealousy. Envy
"Jealous" is defined as "very
watchful or careful in guarding or
keeping," and "resentfully envious.
"Envy" is defined as "a feeling of
discontent and ill will because of
another's advantages, possessions,
etc.; resentful dislike of another who
has something that one desires."
The Emotions of Comparison and Contrast
Jealousy and envy involve comparisons and contrasts.
Comparison suggests similarity or equivalence, whereas
contrast focuses on differences. At times you may compare
yourself with another, but most often you will be focused
upon contrasts based on negative feelings.
Contrasting yourself with an idealized image of another
person magnifies shame that can threaten your selfstability. Any threat to your esteemyour established sense
of selfwill likely activate shame and, when you come up
short in such contrasts, shame is experienced as envy or
jealousy of another.
Jealousy Envy
The first difference to be aware of is that envy
involves two people. One person being envious of
another. Jealousy is aboutmore thantwo people
and involves the preservation of special friendships
because of the involvement of others.
It is possible to experience both jealousy and envy
at the same time. For example you could be jealous
of the attention your boyfriend is getting from a
female who you envy for her physical qualities.
Differences between jealousy and envy are
thatjealousy involves the wish to keep what
one hasandenvy the wish to get what one
does not have.
Is there a difference between the social
interactions that produce envy and jealousy?
Yesa quite striking difference. Envy is a twoperson emotion, and jealousy is a three-person
emotion. A is envious of something B has; but A
is jealous of Bs relationship with C. For example,
Mary is envious of her co-workers higher salary;
but Marys husband John is jealous about all the
time she spends with her assistant.
Why Do We Compare Ourselves to
Others?
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Theodore Roosevelt
Comparisons are always unfair. We typically compare the worst
we know of ourselves to the best we presume about others.
You are too unique to compare fairly. Your gifts, successes,
contributions and value are entirely unique to you and your
purpose in this world. They can never be rightly compared to
anyone else.
Comparison puts focus on the wrong person. You can control
one lifeyours. But when we always compare ourselves to
others, we waste precious energy focusing on other peoples lives
rather than our own.
Thank you for
listening!
