Dinie Ratri Desiningrum
Goals
• To raise healthy well-adjusted children
who have the skills to:
– communicate their needs
– get on with others
– try to do their best
– manage their emotions
– feel good about themselves
• In a safe, secure, loving and low-
conflict environment
Being A Parent
Parenting can be:
rewarding
enjoyable
demanding
frustrating
exhausting
We all learn through trial and error
Every parent has to develop their own goals
and approach to discipline
The good news
Most parents:
are confident in their parenting
(77%)
find parenting rewarding (86%)
find parenting fulfilling (89%)
Children behavior
The The Challenge
• Some misbehavior is normal
• Some discipline problems are
inevitable
• Managing everyday behavior
problems can prevent more
serious ones
Positive parenting
• Promoting children’s development
and managing their behavior and
emotions in a positive way
• Building strong relationships
• Good communication
• Emphasizing the positive
• Planning ahead to prevent problems
• Using everyday situations and creating
opportunities to help children learn
Benefits for children
• Develop skills
• Do better at school
• Build friendships
• Feel good about themselves
• Have fewer behavioral and
emotional problems
• Less likely to become involved in
drug abuse or delinquent behavior
Benefits for parents
• Feelings of confidence and
competence in parenting
• Less depression
• Less stress
• Less conflict with their partner
• Less conflict with their children
Skills children need
• Good communication and social
skills
• Ability to manage feelings
• Independence skills
• Problem solving skills
5 core principles
1. Creating a safe, interesting
environment
2. Having a positive learning
environment
3. Using assertive discipline
4. Having realistic expectations
5. Taking care of yourself
Principle 1
Creating a safe, interesting
environment
Strategies
• Develop predictable routines
• Provide supervision
• Have interesting things to do
Tips for safety:
• Teach your child road safety rules
• Provide safety equipment
• Be safety conscious near schools
• Teach your child about personal
safety
Benefits
Children:
• feel secure and wanted
• are safe
• live in a predictable world
• have lots of interesting things to do
• have opportunities to learn
Parents:
• can be more relaxed
Principle 2
Having a positive learning
environment
Strategies
•
•
Spend time with your child
Speak nicely
• Chat and listen often
• Share your own experiences
• Be affectionate
• Use descriptive praise
• Give your child attention
• Use incidental teaching
• Get involved in your child’s school
Promoting Development
Promoting Positive
Relationships
Encouraging Desirable
Behavior
Teaching New Skills &
Behaviors
Managing
Misbehavior
Promoting Self-Control
Promoting Positive
Relationships
Encouraging Desirable
Behavior
Teaching New Skills &
Behaviors
Managing
Misbehavior
Principle 3
Using assertive discipline
How discipline helps
Discipline helps children learn to:
• accept necessary rules and limits
• develop self-control
• consider others
• express their feelings in ways that
respect the needs of others
• take responsibility for their actions
When discipline works
Discipline works best when:
• children live in a predictable world
• children receive plenty of attention for
good behavior
• parents have reasonable expectations
• parents use fair, predictable
consequences consistently
• parents support each other
Strategies
•
Prepare in advance
• Arrange activities
• Set some ground rules
• Praise good behavior
• Watch and supervise
• Use planned ignoring for minor
misbehavior
• Use your voice effectively
Strategies
• Use directed discussion for rule
breaking
• Give clear, calm instructions
– start instructions
– stop instructions
• Take away a problem activity
• Back up instructions with quiet time
• Use time-out for serious misbehavior
Principle 4
Having realistic expectations
Strategies
Consider:
• Your expectations of your child
– What do I expect?
– Is this rule necessary?
– Can my child understand / do this?
• What other parents expect
• What your child’s school expects
• Your expectations of yourself
– Are my expectations reasonable?
Principle 5
Taking care of yourself
as a parent
Balancing work and family
•
Have realistic expectations of yourself
• Reduce unnecessary commitments
• Develop good transition time routines
• Avoid conflict after work and prepare
for the ‘second shift’
• Teach your child to be independent
• Organize good, reliable child care
Negative thinking
Helpful thoughts:
Unhelpful thoughts:
He knew I was tired • We were both tired
She did that on • Maybe she’s bored
purpose to upset me when I’m on the phone
He’s never going to • It will take time for him
learn to learn
She’s just bad • Her behavior is
annoying
Changing how you think
• Notice when you are feeling upset with
your child
• Identify what negative / unhelpful
things you are saying to yourself about
the situation, particularly why it is
happening
• Try to change negative thoughts to
helpful, more rational thoughts
Working as a team
• Talk with your partner and other
caregivers about daily experiences with
your child
• Share the workload fairly
• Reach agreement on discipline
• Back each other up
• Model problem solving skills
• Hold regular problem solving
discussions
Take home messages
Take home messages
•
Make your family a priority
• Create a warm, loving, safe environment
• Encourage your child’s learning
• Use assertive discipline
• Have reasonable expectations
• Take care of yourself:
– look after your own needs
– balance work and family responsibilities
– talk back to negative thinking
– work as a team
Tip Sheet
•
Review it with your partner or by
yourself.
• Review it this week!
• Choose one strategy you learned
today to try at home.
Question time
Positive Parenting…
Small changes,
Big differences
