“No Such Thing As a Bad Kid!
Understanding and Responding
to Kids with Emotional & Behavioral
Challenges Using a Positive,
Trauma-Informed, Strength-Based Approach
Charlie Appelstein, M.S.W.
The Strength-Based Approach
Strength-based practice is an emerging approach
to guiding at-risk children & youth that is exceptionally
positive and inspiring. Its focus is on strength-building
rather than flaw-fixing; what kids do right vs. what
they do wrong.
It begins with the belief that all young people have or
can develop strengths and use past successes
to curb problem behavior and enhance academic
and social functioning.
Attitude
&
Actions
“One adult who thinks I’m
terrific!”
“Self-doubt kills ability.”
>
- Degas
Post card/road to
Postcard Exercise
1. Please write a postcard to your parent(s), relative or a friend:
“Dear _________________________,
Your son, daughter, cousin, friend (name____________)
recently attended a four-day training I conducted in
Killington, VT. The training topic was
How To Use a Positive, Strength-Based Approach with
At-Risk Students.(Your name________) was a fabulous
attendee. He/she was very invested in the topic and an active
participant. ______’s strong passion for at-risk kids was
evident throughout. I was honored to work with him/her.
Warm regards,
Charlie Appelstein, MSW
Josh Big M
Author of No Such Thing As a Bad Kid
Little changes can ripple into BIG solutions
Incentives can, at times, counter extreme cautiousness,
Celebrate small steps! Road to
Read Did great
At Story time
w/Mrs. B.
Reading
1-to-1
Buddies
Library
Work
Billy Doll
Billy Dollars!
Whats a
“What’s a mistake?”
“An opportunity to take!”
If you
If you lose…
Don’t get the blues!
If you don’t win
…Just grin!!!
stinkin
If it’s Stinkin’
Change the Thinkin’!
sprick.
Sprick: Motivation
• Believing = Can I do it?
• Relevance = Why is this
important to learn?
lavoie
From Richard Lavoie’s The Motivation Breakthrough
“As teachers, let us commit to learning why
“unmotivated” kids are able to find their drive and
inspiration on playing fields, on skateboard courses,
in poolrooms, in video arcades, on mall concourses…
or at nine-thousand feet. What do those settings
provide that we do not provide in the classroom?
We constantly search for ways the we can “change the
child.” Perhaps the first significant change should come
from us. Perhaps we should first analyze and change our
policies, procedures, and practices when dealing with
hard-to-reach kids.”
Library
…you will multiply your effectiveness
immeasurably if you learn how to motivate your
charges and maintain that
motivation throughout the learning process.”
library
Three Major Parts
The Human Brain The logical brain
The emotional brain
The survival brain
Wing of Shame
Wing of Pain
The brain is more like a
library than a computer
Children traumatized by neglect and It continually stores information
abuse overuse more primitive brain bearing on survival and well-being
and discards most other data.
systems. Their survival brains are
chronically stimulated and are at
high risk of engaging in behaviors which
hurt themselves and others.
Many of these youngsters have not had the
nurturance and learning experiences to fully
develop brain pathways for self –control. Thus their
heightened impulsivity, frustration, and motor
hyperactivity combine with an underdeveloped
capacity to accurately perceive situations and
problem solve. This unfortunate combination
severely limits the child’s ability to maximize his or
her potential.
Brendtro, The Resilient Brain
Logical Brain Emotional Brain
The Survival Brain
“Neuroplasticity refers to the reality that the brain
is malleable and can therefore change throughout
its existence. Positive, and frequently occurring
experiences, can create new neural pathways that
enhance functioning and produce growth.”
Brendtro & Longhurst
Hope is Humanity’s Fuel
1st anec
Social Accommodation
Social Subordination
Excerpt from the New York Times, May 10, 2013:
When Mark Barden considers Adam Lanza, the young man
who murdered Barden’s 7-year-old son and 25 others in the
Sandy Hook massacre, he is struck by what he calls “a sad
parallel.” In his short life, Daniel made a habit of seeking
out and befriending youngsters he spotted sitting alone, a
virtue his teachers praised at Sandy Hook Elementary.”
“The young boy that killed my son was the little boy that
sat alone,”says Mr. Barden with rueful certainty. “Maybe
if there was a little Daniel Barden that came along in
his growing up, perhaps things could be different.”
Buddy w/turn/talk
It’s all about Attitude & Actions!
Twenty years from now the kids
you currently guide won’t remember
much of what you said to them, but
they’ll all recall how you made
them feel.
Being a successful child/youth
care professional or educator,
means being a great:
Liar
&a
Great Actor
Pos emot
Positive Emotions/Feelings and The Brain
Recent research shows that the broadening effect
( how positive emotions broaden the amount of
possibilities we process, making us more thoughtful,
creative, and open to new ideas), is actually
biological.
Positive emotions flood our brains with dopamine
and serotonin, chemicals that not only make us feel
good, but dial up the learning centers of our brains to
higher levels. (Testing and “3” example)
Positive emotions help humans to organize new
information, keep that information in the brain longer, and
retrieve it faster later on. And they enable us to make and
sustain more neural connections, which allows us to think
more quickly and creatively, become more skilled at
complex analysis and problem solving, and see and invent
new ways of doing things.
"Brain change, once thought impossible, is now a well-
known fact, one that is supported by some of the most
rigorous and cutting-edge research in neuroscience."
(Achor, The Happiness Advantage, P. 29)
A great attitude and corollary actions create
positive emotions in people which enhances neurological
functioning, decision making, and happiness.
But what we’re really talking about is:
The Power of Relationship!
What do all happy people have in common?
Meaningful Social Connections
Strong Social Support Networks
- Shawn Achor
The Happiness Advantage
(Hospital & Italian Ex)
The Eco Map
Rate Levels of Support
Self Help
Part-time Money Mindfulness
Job(s) Volunteering Therapy, AA,
Etc.
Friends Hobbies
Sports Community
Neighbors Groups
Animals
Mentor
Religion
Child/Youth School
Family Responsibilities
Parents Support After-School
Quotient___
Siblings Health & Physical
Medical Appearance
(sleeping, Gender?
Relatives Parents
mood, etc.)
(foster/
adoptive) Serious drain & lack of
Strong source of support support
+3 The support continuum -3
What do all happy people have in common?
Meaningful Social Connections
Strong Social Support Networks
- Shawn Achor
The Happiness Advantage
(Hospital & Italian Ex)
Broken Window
Theory
Moes
Welcome to Moe’s
How are you doing?
Unbelievable! And how are you?
Outstanding!
Fantastic!
I’m living the dream!
Never been better!
All the better for seeing you! >touch
The Power of Human Contact / Another Form of Connecting!
“TO TOUCH CAN BE TO GIVE LIFE”
- MICHELANGELO
FROM THE FRONTIER OF TOUCH RESEARCH, WE KNOW THANKS TO
NEUROSCIENTIST EDMUND ROLLS THAT TOUCH ACTIVATES THE BRAIN’S
ORBITOFRONTAL CORTEX, WHICH IS LINKED TO FEELINGS OF REWARD AND
COMPASSION.
It doesn’t take much, to add a little touch!!!!!
2nd anec 2 teach
How are you doing?
Unbelievable! And how are you?
Outstanding!
Fantastic!
I’m living the dream!
Never been better!
All the better for seeing you!
Two kids
Life isn’t what you see,
it’s what you perceive!
When you change the way you
look at a challenging kid…
…the kid changes.
gladwell
Pejorative labels lead to the
development of the:
Stereotype Myth
Deeply entrenched negative
self-perception
-Gladwell
Gus on Pejorative Labeling
Look, I know some of us can be quite difficult. I was a
hellion my first six months, considered quite obnoxious. But it
was simply defensive posturing. (Can you say defense
mechanism?) Kids aren’t bad. They’re just screwed up. The
kid who’s pushing you away the most is probably the one who
needs you the most.
I think every residential center would be better off if
they never used words as manipulative, lazy, un-invested,
controlling, and obnoxious. They’re pejorative adjectives.
When you label one of us in such a way, you contaminate the
waters and no one wants to swim with us any more.
“Manipulative kids aren’t fun to work with.”
“They’re a pain in the ass.”
“Boy , is that kid manipulative!”
Every time we get blasted for being “manipulative” (or
any other such term), our self-concept suffers. We take on that
word – we internalize a sense of badness. Yet the kid you call
“manipulative” might have come to your facility with a history
of manipulating his way out of getting beaten. So, maybe
manipulating ain’t so bad. Maybe it simply needs to be
understood in the context of a child’s situation. Maybe people
don’t need to use these words anymore.
Decoding Problem Behavior
Pejorative Label Positive, Hope-Based Reframe
Obnoxious Good at pushing people away
Rude, Arrogant Good at affecting people, expressive
Resistant Cautious
Lazy, Un-invested Good at preventing further hurts,
failures
Manipulative Good at getting needs met
Just Looking for Attention Good at caring about yourself
Close-mouthed Loyal to family or friends
Different, Odd Under-Appreciated
Stubborn & Defiant Good at standing up for yourself
Tantrum, Fit, Outburst Big Message
Learning Disability Roadblocks
“It’s Not a Learning Disability.”
It’s a Road Block
Let’s find a detour and enjoy the scenery!
Understand >
Behavior is a message
Reframe >
Find the protective, positive value
Hydraulically Squeeze >
Channel behavior into a
place it can be valued
& appreciated
Reframing
Reframing involves taking a seemingly negative behavior and "reframing" it
in a positive way. In other words, recognize the underlying value of the
action(s).
1. A youth who is always looking for attention:
2. A youth who won't talk about his/her feelings:
3. A youth who acts rudely:
4. A child who acts provocatively:
5. A parent who acts in a stubborn manner:
6. A child who is resistant to trying new endeavors:
7. A youth who frequently swears:
8. A child who's bossy with peers
dweck
“For twenty years, my research has
shown that the view you adopt for
yourself profoundly affects that way you
lead your life.”
Carol Dweck (2006) Mindset.
Dweck: Mindset
Fixed = “I’m smart, the best..”
vs.
Growth mindset = “It’s all about the
effort I give.
Getting things wrong, making
mistakes… are opportunities to
learn something new.
e
The Harder I try, The Higher I fly!
Be the Eagle!
“What’s a mistake?”
“A chance to learn something new!”
“What’s a mistake?”
“An opportunity to take!”
If you lose
If you lose…
Don’t get the blues!
If you don’t win
…Just grin!!!
If it’s Stinkin’
Change the Thinkin’!
smart.
Being smart means….
You’re smart enough to know that:
• You don’t know everything and it’s
okay to ask for help
• If you’re not sure how to do something,
it’s smart to check out how others do it.
• Sometimes you need to learn how to
learn first.
• You are absolutely capable of learning
a great deal and becoming successful n
Thomas Edison's teachers said he was "too stupid to learn anything."
He was fired from his first two jobs for being "non-productive." As an
inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light
bulb. When a reporter asked, "How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?"
Edison replied, "I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention
with 1,000 steps.“ (Growth mindset)
Fixed Mindset: “I can’t do this! Let ‘em use candles!”
Jordan on Character and Grit
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my
career.
I've lost almost 300 games
26 times I've been trusted to take the game
winning shot ... and missed.
I've failed over and over and over again in
my life. That is why I succeed."
~ Michael Jordan
Foster Kid
A native American elder once described his own
inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there
are two dogs.
One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other is
good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the
time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for
a while and replied, the one who I feed the most.
George Bernard Shaw
There’s no such thing as a bad kid or bad parent.
Just bad luck and bad choices.
The Train
“You’re a big, strong,
powerful train. But,
right now, you’re off
track. We’ve got to
help you get yourself
back on the rails.”
Garb
James Garbarino:
Postulates that terminal thinking – the inability
to articulate one’s future may be a clue to why
some children succeed while others fail.
Positive Predicting
When you talk about the future in positive terms, you make any
desired outcome more possible, and when it’s more possible, it
becomes more probable!
With the spirit of the spoon
You can reach the moon
“We won last night as well.
First 2-0 start in 14 years.
This matches the win total
from last year.”
Coach Deron Bayer
Housatonic Mountaineers >
Pos Pred
Positive Predicting
“How are we going to celebrate when……”
“Who should we call when…..”
“Ten years from now….”
“Sure, there will be bumps along the road. It
won’t always be easy…but you’ll do it. It’s
in you!” The other side
Three Universal Truths
Children succeed when they are surrounded by adults
who believe they can succeed no exceptions.
Children succeed when they have meaningful and
sustainable relationships with caring adults.
Children succeed when they can articulate their future
in four domains rather than one: Home and Family;
Education and Career; Community and Service; and
Hobbies and Recreation.
KidsatHope.com
Future Oriented Questions
1. Do you think you’ll attend a trade school, junior college or four year
school?
2. What professions are you leaning towards?
3. Do you think you’ll travel a lot when you’re older? Where?
4. Big family or small? Will you help your kids with their homework?
5. Would you prefer to live in a big city or small town?
6. What kind of hobbies will you have when you’re older?
7. Will you be generous and give your time and money to those in
need?
Biz cards
Create business cards for your students.
Have them network!
Thompson & Associates
Master Art Design & Graphics
Kenneth Thompson, President
“Art from the heart!”
[email protected]
Tel/Fax: 887-345-8767 Website:
www.Kart.com
wall
College Bound Kids!
Joshua
Future Engineer
Joshua Brown
Strength-Based Practice
Emerging approach to helping people
that is more positive and hope-inspiring.
Powerful combination of the strength-
building model and solution-focused
communication.
Solution-Focused Questions
The Language of Hope and Possibility!
Explorative Historical:
Has any other assignment worried you like this one?
And how did you get it done? What steps did you take?
How many kids have been, or are, in similar situations?
How many succeeded? So why can’t you? What steps
did they take to succeed?
Tip: Explore previous ways of handling the issue or
explore how others have managed it.
Visit: www.bobbertolino.com
Qualifiers and Partial Statements:
“I hate this place!” > “So you’re pretty upset with
this place right now.”
“Nothing will ever change!”
“So, at this time, you don’t think your situation
will change much?”
“My parents fight.”
“So sometimes your parents argue.”
“Nothing ever goes my way.”
“Sometimes it seems nothing goes right, eh?”
Past Tense:
“I’m stupid.”
“So you haven’t been feeling real smart, lately?”
“It’s hopeless!”
“So you haven’t been feeling too optimistic.”
When and Will:
“I’ll never make it when I leave!”
“When you do, what will it feel like?”
“I’ll never get this done!”
“When you do, how will it feel?”
Scaling Questions:
“On a scale of one-to-ten, ten being the highest
probability of accomplishing this, what number do you
think you’re at now? What number will it be in 3
months? How come you’ll get there?”
Identifying In-Between Change:
“What will be the first sign that you’ve turned the
corner?”
Amplifying Change using Speculation:
“Why were you able to change in such a great way? It’s
okay if you’re not sure. But I have to wonder if it’s
because you’re getting older and more mature and are
making better decisions, or if it’s related to doing better
in school can open doors for you?
I don’t know, but people really see you making an
effort!”
Tip: It’s better to speculate about things that are unlikely
to be rejected by the youth.
Self esteem..
Changing Perspective Question:
“How come you’re not doing worse?”
Exception Questions:
“Have there been times recently when the problem
didn’t occur?”
Core verbal
Self-Esteem Building
To help kids enhance low self esteem, show a
genuine interest in their interests/strengths &
provide tasks and activities that offer a:
Universal Opportunity for Individual Success
Key Strategies:
• Create Success Opportunities
• Modify Current Tasks/Activities
• Tap Existing Strengths
Dice
Dice Roll
How many times can you roll the
Dice without getting doubles?
One in particular I wanted to share with you is about one of my
students who has been labeled “Tier II” behavioral. Throughout the
fall and winter, I was verbally and physically abused by this student.
His abusive behavior became so violent, it carried over to the
students and he no longer attends my class, but is in a special
behavioral classroom in my building.
After your keynote on Friday, I decided that it was time to start
repairing the relationship in ways which he could feel successful.
So, I took dice to his classroom during my lunch break today and
played the doubles challenge.
Boy, was that a hit! He was so excited and ended up winning the
challenge 28 (him) vs. 16 (me)!
It was 25 minutes of pure bliss and enjoyment,
laughter, and relaxation. WhenI said I had to go, he
wanted to call his mom immediately to tell her the
good news that he won and he did! He also recorded
our scores on the white board for “the next time you
visit me.” (His words!)
Thanks for helping me feel more confident in
reaching all of my students.
Self-Esteem Building Options
Games (board, video, bingo, etc.)
World records, contests
Professional & amateur sports
Special events (food drives, car washes, bottle-
collecting, walk-a-thons)
Karaoke & music (concerts, kazoo bands, shows,
music videos, lip-syncing, etc.)
Employment opportunities (Key: cultivate
relationships with local employers)
Volunteering (w/handicapped, elderly, younger kids,
animals, etc.)
Sports (bowling, karate, roller-skating,
soccer, etc.)
Fitness (create fitness charts, aerobics,
jogging/walking, meditation, rope and
obstacle courses, etc.)
Hobbies (art, theater, music, crafts,
pottery, card and/or coin collecting, carpentry,
photography, magic, etc.)
Animals (pets, therapeutic horse-back
riding, fish, etc.)
Home repair jobs (painting, landscaping,
repairing, etc.)
Every kid needs his/her own
special niche!
Trumpet Success
Hang accomplishments, create and
maintain a scrapbook, send postcards
home, etc.
Doing vs
SB Focus:
Doing vs. Understanding
explosive
Helping Inflexible/Explosive Children & Youth
Characteristics of Such Kids:
• Display deficits in frustration tolerance
• Generally do not respond well to consequences and rewards
(i.e. traditional motivational approaches)
• Symptoms are thought to emanate more from neurological as
opposed to psychological factors
• Prone to stubborn, inflexible, explosive outbursts
• Often display genuine remorse after an episode
How to Help:
• Create user-friendly environments
• Determine which behaviors need to be addressed and how best to
respond. Categorize behaviors and responses into one of three boxes:
A = Safety B = Room for compromise & negotiation C = Ignore
• As kids meltdown and approach vapor lock, immediately distract,
empathize, and offer aid. Help them to downshift into a calmer state. Such
kids are often helped by learning how to negotiate and compromise when
agitated.
Most of this material is from The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, Ph.D.
The Baskets
A
A = Non-negotiable, often a safety
concern.
B
B = Room for compromise and
negotiation
C
C = Ignore
The Truth about Individualized Plans
“No fair! He’s getting
a head start!”
Common Perception (Cognitive distortion)
Individualized Plans
What is Real!
The Differences Talk
millimeter
The Differences Talk
“We are consistent. But consistent doesn’t mean we
treat you the same. If one of you has asthma, you get to
use an inhaler, you don’t need it. If one of you breaks a
leg, we get you crutches, you don’t need them. If one of
you has a learning disability – a roadblock – in math,
we break it down differently for you. We treat you for
what you need. You will see kids here who don’t have
to do what you do; get rewarded for doing things you
don’t get rewarded for. It’s not that they’re getting
favoritism – it’s what they need at the time. And in
most cases it would be great if you reach out to the kid
who needs a little help to get to where you are.
Seeing is believeing
Every person is wired differently. Some very
successful adults, like kids, have ADD, bi-polar
disorder, Asperger’s…a different kind of wiring.
And they became successful probably because
the people around them knew that they needed
to be treated in a certain way – a little bit
different from the others.
But, that said, we are pretty consistent: We
don’t yell at you . We have great activities. We
keep a really clean and neat place. We have
pretty good food. We tell corny jokes. That’s
consistency. It’s not treating you all the same.”
Millimeter
Assumptions (or lack thereof)….
Strength-based practice does not assume
LARGE problems require LARGE
efforts for solutions.
One-Line Raps Coping Thoughts
Produce catchy mantras that can create neuropathways
The brain is designed to change in response to patterned,
repetitive stimulation.
Key: Use Rhythm, Repetition, Rhyming, and Humor
Proven winners:
“NBD (No big deal) …easier than one, two, three!”
“When you get mad, don’t do bad, just talk or walk..”
“Let it go, Joe! Just stay cool no need to blow.”
“Don’t move all over the place, sit and learn with a happy face.”
“If it is to be, it’s up to me .” Stop and….
Stop and think…
Don’t be a dink!
Stop and listen…
Cause you don’t know what
you’re missin’!
Even
Even if he begs…
Don’t open up your legs!
I can make
I can make it if I choose
Only I can make me lose!
I can make it if I choose
Time to kick the drugs and booze!
If you lose hope
Don’t do dope!
If it is to be, it’s up to me!
From Musicophelia by Oliver Sacks
William James in 1890 wrote:
“Human’s have a susceptibility to music.”
Active participation in music creates a bond between
the participants.
“While music can calm us, animate us, comfort us, thrill us,
or serve to organize and synchronize us at work or play – it
may be especially powerful and have great therapeutic
potential.”
I can,
I will…
I gotta chill
And when I do
It’s quite a thrill!
Let it go, Joe
Let it go, Joe
Just stay cool
No need to blow
The Classification Song
There are eight levels of classification… Yeah, eight!
There are eight levels of classification… Really eight!
We classify living things into groups, so that
organisms are easier to study.
We classify things…into groups…..Into Groups
(Faster) Taxonomy is the science of classification!
…Classification!
(Slower) Taxonomy is the s-c-i-e-n-c-e of classification
(Slow) And Linnaeus invented a naming system..
called binomial nomenclature.
(Still slow) And each organism is given a two-part name
(slowly) A two-part name
(Fast) The genus is the first part which is capitalized!
Never give up - Hey it’s Capitalized
Don’t yell
Gently t-e-l-l
Don’t yell
Gently t-e-l-l
As they get louder, you get quiet
C’mon mom, it’s time to try it!
Hey mom, hey dad, your kid’s aren’t a rental
You’ve got to know ‘em developmental
Routines
Dinner at six
Shower at Eight
Bed at nine, cause it’s getting late
All families need routines
Just like kids hate eating greens!
Create your own one-line raps…
Have some fun
And get it done!
Externalizing
Humor Forms
Self-Deprecating
Slapstick (i.e. physical, props, etc.)
Grandiose Praise
Joke Telling & Games/Activities
Musical (e.g. kazoos, funny
songs, cues, etc.)
Poetry
Students learn 700% more when humor is an active part of the teaching
-Stanford Study
Paris
in the
the spring
Managing one
