Crucial
Conversations
Crucial Conversations
“Tools for talking
when stakes are high”
12
Jurassic Sales Call
Crucial Conversations
What makes a conversation “crucial” vs.
typical?
◦First, opinions vary
◦Second, the stakes are high
◦Third, emotions run strong
Crucial Conversations
How do we typically handle crucial
conversations:
◦We can avoid them
◦We can face them and handle them poorly
◦We can face them and handle them well
Crucial Conversations
Why don’t crucial conversations tend to go well?
◦Emotions tend to rule
◦Your body physically reacts
◦We are under pressure
◦We are stumped
◦We act in self defeating ways
What are Common” Crucial
Conversations?
Professional Personal
Giving the boss feedback
Informing a coworker about
offensive behavior
Addressing a colleague’s work
performance
Giving an unfavorable
performance review
Dealing with the personal
hygiene issue of a coworker
◦ Ending a relationship
◦ Asking a friend to repay a
loan
◦ Resolving custody or
visitation issues
◦ Dealing with a rebellious
teen
◦ Confronting a loved one
about substance abuse
issues
Crucial Conversations
Why it is important to master crucial
conversation skills:
◦Kick Start Your Career
◦Improve Your Organization
◦Improve Your Relationships
◦Revitalize Your Community
◦Improve Your Personal Health
Crucial Conversations
Principals and Skills
Getting Unstuck
Start with heart
Learn to look
Make it safe
Master MY stories
STATE my path
Explore other’s paths
Move to action
Law of Crucial Conversations
Before the Conversation
Work On Me First
◦Get Unstuck
◦Start with the Heart
◦Master my Stories
Get Unstuck
Spot the conversations that are keeping you stuck
Critical Question:
◦What conversations am I not holding or not
holding well?
Get Unstuck
Table Discussion:
What conversations am I not holding or not holding well?
◦Share an example of a conversation which is long
overdue.
Am I holding the right crucial conversations?
Start with Heart
Work on me first
Focus on what you really want
Refuse the Sucker’s Choice
Start with the Heart
Activity
Recall a tough conversation you’ve had that has left you frustrated
and perhaps not getting the end results you had hoped for.
Complete T Chart in table groups.
10 Minutes
What was I thinking or
feeling and did not
actually say?
What was actually said
Start with Heart
Good communicators are aware of their own natural
tendencies-particularly when they are under stress.
◦ How do you communicate when you are stressed?
◦ How do you communicate when you feel
threatened?
12
Master Your Story
Master My Stories
Separate facts from stories
Watch for three clever stories
◦Victim, Villain and Helpless
Tell the rest of the story
Master My Stories
Tell the rest of the story….
Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem?
Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this?
What should I do right now to move toward what I really want?
Activity: Watch video clip, how could this same example be
applied workplace?
12
Performance Review
During the Conversation
My Meaning
◦ State My Path
Their Meaning
◦ Learn to Look
◦ Make It Safe
◦ Explore Other's Paths
Pool of Shared Meaning
• Get information out in the open
• Create a dialogue
• Don’t debate, stay silent, or run
away Contribute your information
STATE My Path
STATE:
◦ Share your facts
◦ Tell your story
◦ Ask for others’ paths (what)
◦ Talk tentatively
◦ Encourage testing (how)
Am I really open to others’ views?
Am I confidently expressing my own views?
My Meaning
Learn to Look
Look for when a conversation becomes crucial
Look for silence and violence
Learn to look for your own Style Under Stress
Their Meaning
Learn to Look
Am I noticing signs that safety is at risk?
Am I moving to my Style Under Pressure?
Activity: Take a few minutes to complete the survey
independently.
-
Their Meaning
Learn to Look: Silence or
Violence
Silence – Withholding information from the pool of meaning
Violence – Action taken to compel others to your way of
thinking
The three most common forms of violence are:
◦Controlling
◦Labeling
◦Attacking
Their Meaning
Make It Safe
Have I established Mutual Purpose?
Have I maintained respect?
Activity: Watch video clip. “Mutual Respect” Share an
example of how we can “make it safe” for our staff
members.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YnvaTnzV-
0&index=4&list=PL114AB9079C66B3C9
Their Meaning
Make It Safe
Apologize when appropriate
Contrast to fix misunderstandings
Create Mutual Purpose
Their Meaning
Make it Safe – Mutual Purpose
USE CRIB to get to mutual purpose
Commit to seek mutual purpose
Recognize the purpose behind the strategy
Invent a mutual purpose
Brainstorm new strategies
29
Explore Others’ Paths
Explore with added AMPPs:
◦Ask
◦Mirror
◦Paraphrase
◦Prime
Am I actively exploring others’ views?
Their Meaning
After the Conversation
Move to Action
Turn crucial conversations in action and results
Decide how to decide
Document who does what by when and follow-up
How will we follow-up?
What is the plan from here?
Crucial Conversation
Planner Part 1
Individually, identify a needed Crucial Conversations
Complete the Crucial Conversation Planner
Be prepared to share in small groups
You have 20 minutes
32
Crucial Conversation
Planner Part 2
Divide into triads
Share a brief background about your needed Crucial
Conversation to your triad
Deliver your conversation to your group
Provide supportive and corrective feedback to your team
33
Crucial Role Plays
34
Crucial Conversations Start
with You!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TRB6YXU54A
“Tools for talking
when stakes are high”

Crucial-Conversation-SD-MTT.pptx

  • 1.
  • 2.
    Crucial Conversations “Tools fortalking when stakes are high”
  • 3.
  • 4.
    Crucial Conversations What makesa conversation “crucial” vs. typical? ◦First, opinions vary ◦Second, the stakes are high ◦Third, emotions run strong
  • 5.
    Crucial Conversations How dowe typically handle crucial conversations: ◦We can avoid them ◦We can face them and handle them poorly ◦We can face them and handle them well
  • 6.
    Crucial Conversations Why don’tcrucial conversations tend to go well? ◦Emotions tend to rule ◦Your body physically reacts ◦We are under pressure ◦We are stumped ◦We act in self defeating ways
  • 7.
    What are Common”Crucial Conversations? Professional Personal Giving the boss feedback Informing a coworker about offensive behavior Addressing a colleague’s work performance Giving an unfavorable performance review Dealing with the personal hygiene issue of a coworker ◦ Ending a relationship ◦ Asking a friend to repay a loan ◦ Resolving custody or visitation issues ◦ Dealing with a rebellious teen ◦ Confronting a loved one about substance abuse issues
  • 8.
    Crucial Conversations Why itis important to master crucial conversation skills: ◦Kick Start Your Career ◦Improve Your Organization ◦Improve Your Relationships ◦Revitalize Your Community ◦Improve Your Personal Health
  • 9.
    Crucial Conversations Principals andSkills Getting Unstuck Start with heart Learn to look Make it safe Master MY stories STATE my path Explore other’s paths Move to action
  • 10.
    Law of CrucialConversations
  • 11.
    Before the Conversation WorkOn Me First ◦Get Unstuck ◦Start with the Heart ◦Master my Stories
  • 12.
    Get Unstuck Spot theconversations that are keeping you stuck Critical Question: ◦What conversations am I not holding or not holding well?
  • 13.
    Get Unstuck Table Discussion: Whatconversations am I not holding or not holding well? ◦Share an example of a conversation which is long overdue. Am I holding the right crucial conversations?
  • 14.
    Start with Heart Workon me first Focus on what you really want Refuse the Sucker’s Choice
  • 15.
    Start with theHeart Activity Recall a tough conversation you’ve had that has left you frustrated and perhaps not getting the end results you had hoped for. Complete T Chart in table groups. 10 Minutes What was I thinking or feeling and did not actually say? What was actually said
  • 16.
    Start with Heart Goodcommunicators are aware of their own natural tendencies-particularly when they are under stress. ◦ How do you communicate when you are stressed? ◦ How do you communicate when you feel threatened?
  • 17.
  • 18.
    Master My Stories Separatefacts from stories Watch for three clever stories ◦Victim, Villain and Helpless Tell the rest of the story
  • 19.
    Master My Stories Tellthe rest of the story…. Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem? Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this? What should I do right now to move toward what I really want? Activity: Watch video clip, how could this same example be applied workplace?
  • 20.
  • 21.
    During the Conversation MyMeaning ◦ State My Path Their Meaning ◦ Learn to Look ◦ Make It Safe ◦ Explore Other's Paths
  • 22.
    Pool of SharedMeaning • Get information out in the open • Create a dialogue • Don’t debate, stay silent, or run away Contribute your information
  • 23.
    STATE My Path STATE: ◦Share your facts ◦ Tell your story ◦ Ask for others’ paths (what) ◦ Talk tentatively ◦ Encourage testing (how) Am I really open to others’ views? Am I confidently expressing my own views? My Meaning
  • 24.
    Learn to Look Lookfor when a conversation becomes crucial Look for silence and violence Learn to look for your own Style Under Stress Their Meaning
  • 25.
    Learn to Look AmI noticing signs that safety is at risk? Am I moving to my Style Under Pressure? Activity: Take a few minutes to complete the survey independently. - Their Meaning
  • 26.
    Learn to Look:Silence or Violence Silence – Withholding information from the pool of meaning Violence – Action taken to compel others to your way of thinking The three most common forms of violence are: ◦Controlling ◦Labeling ◦Attacking Their Meaning
  • 27.
    Make It Safe HaveI established Mutual Purpose? Have I maintained respect? Activity: Watch video clip. “Mutual Respect” Share an example of how we can “make it safe” for our staff members. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YnvaTnzV- 0&index=4&list=PL114AB9079C66B3C9 Their Meaning
  • 28.
    Make It Safe Apologizewhen appropriate Contrast to fix misunderstandings Create Mutual Purpose Their Meaning
  • 29.
    Make it Safe– Mutual Purpose USE CRIB to get to mutual purpose Commit to seek mutual purpose Recognize the purpose behind the strategy Invent a mutual purpose Brainstorm new strategies 29
  • 30.
    Explore Others’ Paths Explorewith added AMPPs: ◦Ask ◦Mirror ◦Paraphrase ◦Prime Am I actively exploring others’ views? Their Meaning
  • 31.
    After the Conversation Moveto Action Turn crucial conversations in action and results Decide how to decide Document who does what by when and follow-up How will we follow-up? What is the plan from here?
  • 32.
    Crucial Conversation Planner Part1 Individually, identify a needed Crucial Conversations Complete the Crucial Conversation Planner Be prepared to share in small groups You have 20 minutes 32
  • 33.
    Crucial Conversation Planner Part2 Divide into triads Share a brief background about your needed Crucial Conversation to your triad Deliver your conversation to your group Provide supportive and corrective feedback to your team 33
  • 34.
  • 35.
    Crucial Conversations Start withYou! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TRB6YXU54A “Tools for talking when stakes are high”