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- 2. Crucial Conversations “Tools fortalking when stakes are high”
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- 4. Crucial Conversations What makesa conversation “crucial” vs. typical? ◦First, opinions vary ◦Second, the stakes are high ◦Third, emotions run strong
- 5. Crucial Conversations How dowe typically handle crucial conversations: ◦We can avoid them ◦We can face them and handle them poorly ◦We can face them and handle them well
- 6. Crucial Conversations Why don’tcrucial conversations tend to go well? ◦Emotions tend to rule ◦Your body physically reacts ◦We are under pressure ◦We are stumped ◦We act in self defeating ways
- 7. What are Common”Crucial Conversations? Professional Personal Giving the boss feedback Informing a coworker about offensive behavior Addressing a colleague’s work performance Giving an unfavorable performance review Dealing with the personal hygiene issue of a coworker ◦ Ending a relationship ◦ Asking a friend to repay a loan ◦ Resolving custody or visitation issues ◦ Dealing with a rebellious teen ◦ Confronting a loved one about substance abuse issues
- 8. Crucial Conversations Why itis important to master crucial conversation skills: ◦Kick Start Your Career ◦Improve Your Organization ◦Improve Your Relationships ◦Revitalize Your Community ◦Improve Your Personal Health
- 9. Crucial Conversations Principals andSkills Getting Unstuck Start with heart Learn to look Make it safe Master MY stories STATE my path Explore other’s paths Move to action
- 10. Law of CrucialConversations
- 11. Before the Conversation WorkOn Me First ◦Get Unstuck ◦Start with the Heart ◦Master my Stories
- 12. Get Unstuck Spot theconversations that are keeping you stuck Critical Question: ◦What conversations am I not holding or not holding well?
- 13. Get Unstuck Table Discussion: Whatconversations am I not holding or not holding well? ◦Share an example of a conversation which is long overdue. Am I holding the right crucial conversations?
- 14. Start with Heart Workon me first Focus on what you really want Refuse the Sucker’s Choice
- 15. Start with theHeart Activity Recall a tough conversation you’ve had that has left you frustrated and perhaps not getting the end results you had hoped for. Complete T Chart in table groups. 10 Minutes What was I thinking or feeling and did not actually say? What was actually said
- 16. Start with Heart Goodcommunicators are aware of their own natural tendencies-particularly when they are under stress. ◦ How do you communicate when you are stressed? ◦ How do you communicate when you feel threatened?
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- 18. Master My Stories Separatefacts from stories Watch for three clever stories ◦Victim, Villain and Helpless Tell the rest of the story
- 19. Master My Stories Tellthe rest of the story…. Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem? Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this? What should I do right now to move toward what I really want? Activity: Watch video clip, how could this same example be applied workplace?
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- 21. During the Conversation MyMeaning ◦ State My Path Their Meaning ◦ Learn to Look ◦ Make It Safe ◦ Explore Other's Paths
- 22. Pool of SharedMeaning • Get information out in the open • Create a dialogue • Don’t debate, stay silent, or run away Contribute your information
- 23. STATE My Path STATE: ◦Share your facts ◦ Tell your story ◦ Ask for others’ paths (what) ◦ Talk tentatively ◦ Encourage testing (how) Am I really open to others’ views? Am I confidently expressing my own views? My Meaning
- 24. Learn to Look Lookfor when a conversation becomes crucial Look for silence and violence Learn to look for your own Style Under Stress Their Meaning
- 25. Learn to Look AmI noticing signs that safety is at risk? Am I moving to my Style Under Pressure? Activity: Take a few minutes to complete the survey independently. - Their Meaning
- 26. Learn to Look:Silence or Violence Silence – Withholding information from the pool of meaning Violence – Action taken to compel others to your way of thinking The three most common forms of violence are: ◦Controlling ◦Labeling ◦Attacking Their Meaning
- 27. Make It Safe HaveI established Mutual Purpose? Have I maintained respect? Activity: Watch video clip. “Mutual Respect” Share an example of how we can “make it safe” for our staff members. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YnvaTnzV- 0&index=4&list=PL114AB9079C66B3C9 Their Meaning
- 28. Make It Safe Apologizewhen appropriate Contrast to fix misunderstandings Create Mutual Purpose Their Meaning
- 29. Make it Safe– Mutual Purpose USE CRIB to get to mutual purpose Commit to seek mutual purpose Recognize the purpose behind the strategy Invent a mutual purpose Brainstorm new strategies 29
- 30. Explore Others’ Paths Explorewith added AMPPs: ◦Ask ◦Mirror ◦Paraphrase ◦Prime Am I actively exploring others’ views? Their Meaning
- 31. After the Conversation Moveto Action Turn crucial conversations in action and results Decide how to decide Document who does what by when and follow-up How will we follow-up? What is the plan from here?
- 32. Crucial Conversation Planner Part1 Individually, identify a needed Crucial Conversations Complete the Crucial Conversation Planner Be prepared to share in small groups You have 20 minutes 32
- 33. Crucial Conversation Planner Part2 Divide into triads Share a brief background about your needed Crucial Conversation to your triad Deliver your conversation to your group Provide supportive and corrective feedback to your team 33
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- 35. Crucial Conversations Start withYou! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TRB6YXU54A “Tools for talking when stakes are high”