Dealing With Difficult Ppl Aegnb
- 1. True or False? “ D reamt” is the only English word that ends with mt. I n Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes. H uman hair and fingernails continue to grow after death. C hina is the fourth largest producer of gas and oil in the world. S even percent of the population are lefties. C ockroaches can live for 9 days after their head has been cut off. M ost lipstick is partially made of fish scales. . B abies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
- 2. Dealing With Difficult People
- 3. Name Organization Biggest challenge What it would mean to overcome this Greatest strength Introductions
- 4. Definitions Conflict: A disagreement or clash between ideas, principles, or people Collaboration: A working together; the act of working together with one or more people in order to achieve something
- 6. A Process for Driving Collaboration Evaluation Identifying and assessing results 9 Conflict or Issue Option Overview 5 Follow-up Monitoring Implementation 8 Implementation Putting solutions into action 7 Collaboration 6 Goal Definition Picturing the Should Be 1 Fact Finding Searching for +/- facts 2 Issue Definition Prioritizing Problems 3 Collaboration Request 4
- 7. Characteristics of Successful Team Collaboration Timely involvement Availability of resources Defined plan based on sharing of information Culture that encourages cooperation and collaboration Effective teamwork and team member cooperation Shared values
- 8. Collaboration Opportunities Issue Expertise Creativity & Innovation Experience With Issue People Power Values Check Additional Resources Skills Perspective
- 9. Commitment to Collaborate on a Conflict Issue Conflict issue Collaborative support needed Goal definition Plan of action My personal commitment to the collaboration
- 10. The Peacemaking Pyramid Correct Dealing with things that are going wrong Helping things go right Get out of the box / Obtain a heart of peace Teach & Communicate Listen & Learn Build the Relationship Build Relationships With Others Who Have Influence
- 11. The Choice Diagram Sense / Desire Seeing people as people with needs, cares, worries, fears that matter like mine Choice Honour the Sense I continue to see them as a person like myself Betray the Sense See others in ways that justify self betrayal. They become an object of blame My Heart Goes To War (Better-than, I-Deserve, Worse-than, Must-be-seen-as) View of Myself View of Other Feelings View of World
- 12. The Collusion Diagram I See They See I Do They do Allies Allies The Anatomy of Peace The Arbinger Institute
- 13. “ Better Than” Way of Seeing A heart at war needs enemies to justify it’s existence. It needs enemies and mistreatment more than it needs peace. View of Myself Superior Important Virtuous / Right View of Others Inferior Incapable / Irrelevant False / Wrong Feelings Impatient Disdainful Indifferent View of World Competitive Troubled Needs Me
- 14. “ I-Deserve” Way of Seeing View of Myself Meritorious Mistreated / Victim Unappreciated View of Others Mistaken Mistreating Ungrateful Feelings Entitled Deprived Resentful View of World Unfair Unjust Owes Me
- 15. “ Must Be Seen As” Way of Seeing View of Myself Need to be well thought of Fake View of Others Judgemental Threatening My Audience Feelings Anxious / Afraid Needy / Stressed Overwhelmed View of World Dangerous Watching Judging me
- 16. “ Worse Than” Way of Seeing View of Myself Not as good Broken / Deficient Fated View of Others Advantaged Privileged Blessed Feelings Helpless Jealous / Bitter Depressed View of World Hard / Difficult Against me Ignoring me
- 17. Recovering Inner Clarity and Peace Look for signs of Blame, Justification, Horribilization, Ego, etc. Find an out-of-the-box place Ponder the situation anew (from the out-of-the-box place) Act upon what you have discovered; do what you are feeling you should do.
- 18. Questions for Clarity What are this person’s or people’s challenges, trials, burdens and pains? How am I, or some group of which I am a part, adding to these challenges, trials , burdens and pains? In what other ways have I or my group neglected or mistreated this person or group? In what ways are my self justification habits obscuring the truth and interfering with potential solutions? What am I feeling I should do for this person or group? What could I do to help?
- 19. Conflict Reaction Profile Passive Assertive Aggressive
- 20. What do I think? Why do I think that? What evidence do I have? My example is… The evidence shows… Therefore, I think… Think Speak 1-4 seconds for “reflection” Responding Effectively in Impromptu Situations
- 21. Cushion Cushion Your Response Avoid Using I hear you saying … I understand you said… I appreciate your view on … That’s an interesting point of view … But … However … Nevertheless …
- 22. Evidence Demonstrations D E F E A T S Examples Facts Exhibits Analogies Testimonials Statistics Doubt
- 23. Disagree Agreeably What do I think? Why do I think that? What evidence do I have? My example is… The evidence shows… Therefore, I think… Think Speak 1-4 seconds for “reflection” Cushion
- 24. Begin with nothing. Eliminate: - Prejudice - Emotions - Concepts - Opinions Listen “To” the other person instead of listening “For” something. Avoid replacing their reality with your own. Resist the temptation to compare their words with your own experiences. How to Listen Effectively
- 25. Ask questions for clarification, not just to ask questions. You don’t have to respond while the other person is talking. Picture what the other person is saying and summarize when the person has finished. Picture what “it” is, not what you assume “it” is. Your goal is to understand the person’s reality Listening (cont.)
- 26. The Conflict Cycle Event Interpretation Emotional Response Physical Response Attitude Response Effect
- 27. Conflict Response Scale Avoid Win-Win Approach Dictate Oblige Compromise Stand Our Ground Collaborate
- 28. Sources of Conflict P R I D E Process Interpersonal Direction Roles External Pressures
- 29. Conflict Resolution Plan Specific conflict People involved Plan of Action Results expected Accountability Partner
- 30. The Risk of Anger Damaging trust Impairing judgement Diminishing concern for the other parties’ preferences Neglecting of one’s own goals
- 31. Destructive Emotional Expressions Blaming Attacking the other person Repressing it as long as we can
- 32. Healthy Emotional Expressions Name the accurate emotion Nonjudgmental Express in direct, straightforward manner Doesn’t blame or attack the other person Conveys that others do not cause our feelings
- 33. You are simply guiding the other person through the uncharted territory of current reality.
- 34. Workplace Negativity How does it show? What are the causes? What are the possible solutions?
- 35. HTWF Principles Don't criticize, condemn or complain. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Arouse in the other person an eager want. Become genuinely interested in other people. Smile. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- 36. HTWF Principles Be a good listener. Talk in terms of the other person's interest. Make the other person feel important - and do in sincerely.
- 37. Gain Willing Cooperation The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "you're wrong.” If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Begin in a friendly way. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
- 38. Gain Willing Cooperation Let the other person do a great deal of talking. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires. Appeal to their nobler motives.
- 39. Gain Willing Cooperation Dramatize your ideas. Throw down a challenge.
- 40. What assumptions am I making that I’m not aware that I’m making that’s giving me my current results? What can I now invent or create, that I have not yet invented, that will give me more choices? Being a “Breath of Fresh Air”
- 41. Name the Issue. Select a specific example that illustrates the behaviour or situation you want to change. Describe your emotions about this issue. Clarify what is at stake. Identify your contribution to the problem. Having Difficult Conversations
- 42. Indicate your wish to resolve the issue. Invite your partner to respond. Inquire into your partner’s views. Where are we now? What have we learned? Make an agreement and determine how you will hold each other responsible for keeping it. Difficult Conversations (cont.)
- 43. Write down your feelings Share your feelings with someone you trust Count to ten Listen to music Take a break Principles for Maintaining Emotional Control
- 44. Talk Through the Issue Stop and cool off. Talk and listen to each other. Find out what you both need. Brainstorm solutions. Choose the idea you both like best. Make a plan and go for it!
- 45. Charting Conflict-Based Barriers Barrier? Who owns this? What’s in the way? When did this begin? Impact? How should we address it? Why is this happening?
- 46. Building Trust through Conflict Adapt Keep relationship warm Listen to values Act on what we hear Follow up Be willing to change
- 47. Turning Barriers into Opportunities Positive vs. negative self-talk Choose your battles Focus on what we can vs. can’t change Focus on potential ROI
- 48. Go the extra mile. Be flexible. See things from the other person’s point of view. Be empathetic. Maintaining Positive Conflict Resolution Strategies
- 49. Problem Solving Questions 1. What is the issue? 2. What is the root cause? 3. What are the possible solutions? 4. What is the best solution? 5. What is the 1 st action I will take?
- 50. Summary of Tactics Have a positive attitude Meet on mutual ground Clearly define and agree on the issue Do your homework Take an honest inventory of yourself Look for shared interest
- 51. Summary of Tactics Deal with facts, not emotions Be Honest Present alternatives and provide evidence Be an expert communicator End on a good note Enjoy the process