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Emotional inteligence
The document discusses the importance of emotional intelligence (EI) across various professions, highlighting its distinct components such as self-awareness, self-control, and social skills. It emphasizes that EI can be developed and is crucial for success, often outweighing traditional intelligence (IQ) in determining overall achievement. Additionally, the text covers strategies for improving EI, including empathic listening, stress tolerance, and relationship management.
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Emotional inteligence
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- 2. Different Jobs &EI • Different jobs require different attributes of EI Sales Accountant Surgeons Lawyers Engineers Social Workers Self- Problem Independence Self- Self- Independence Actualization Solving Actualization Actualization Assertiveness Interpersonal Stress Happiness Happiness Stress Relationships Tolerance Tolerance Happiness Happiness Empathy Stress Optimism Assertiveness Tolerance Optimism Self-Regard Impulse Assertiveness Empathy Impulse Control Control Self-Regard Emotional Self Flexibility Social Interpersonal Optimism Awareness Responsibility Relationships
- 3. EQ Short test •http://www.linac.co.uk/images/PDFs/Perso nalDownloads/EI_SelfAssessment.pdf
- 4. EQ test -detailed http://testyourself.psychtests.com/bin/transfe r?req=MnwyMDkyfDIzNjYwNXwxfDF8MQ ==&refempt=
- 7. Can EI bedeveloped? • You can develop your EI by upgrading your emotional skills. • EQ is not entirely inherited. • Emotional Intelligence is not fixed at birth. • There are no emotional intelligence genes. • It is something one has learned.
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- 9. What is EmotionalIntelligence? • The capacity – for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, – for motivating ourselves, and – for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. • Emotional intelligence describes abilities distinct from, but complementary to, academic intelligence.” Daniel Goleman (1998)
- 10. IQ v/s EQ ( • Research shows that IQ can help you to be 20% successful to the IQ extent of 20% only in life. 80% • The rest of 80% EQ success depends on your EQ
- 11. India‟s first testtube baby inventor and hid “invention” Dr Subhash Mukerjee, • who invented the method of producing the first test tube baby in India in 1978 committed suicide in 1981 as he was unable to cope with the unfair criticism by the medical fraternity who thought that he was fake.
- 12. Tathagat Avtar Tulsi • He completed high school at the age of 9, B.Sc at 10 and a M.Sc at 12 from and Ph.D at 19 from IISc in August 2009. • In July 2010, he became Assistant Professor at IIT Bombay making him the youngest faculty member ever at an IIT. • Due to an unfair criticism by Nobel prize winners in Germany where he was taken to be tested if he was really a genius, he became depressed almost for 3 years before he regained his confidence once again.
- 13. Marshmallow experiment • 12-14years later the children who had resisted the temptation had grown – more socially competent, – self assertive – coped better with life‟s frustrations • Those who ate had grown into – more stubborn, indecisive and stressed individuals
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- 15. Anatomy behind emotions Emotional brainis seated in Amygdala situated on top of brain stem. This was primitive brain
- 16. Autism • A braindevelopment disorder – impaired social interaction and communication – restricted and repetitive behavior. • These signs all begin before a child is three years old. • Autism affects many parts of the brain; how this occurs is not understood.
- 18. Self Awareness • Peoplewith this competence –Know which emotions they are feeing and why –Realize the links between their feelings and actions and performance –Have a guiding awareness of their values and goals
- 19. Some typical blindspots • Blind ambition • Unrealistic goals • Relentless striving • Power hungry • Insatiable need for recognition • Pre-occupation with appearances • Need to seem perfect
- 21. Use of JohariWindow. Make groups of four and let each of the other three assess your strengths in the quadrant “Blind spot” Compare your scores with the average of the others‟ score. Take a decision of your strength based on own assessment and others‟ assessment If you wish, you can do the same for your weaknesses (if you do not get emotional)
- 22. Choose what youare from … 1.energetic 11. confident 21. independent 31. unhappy 41. warm 2. accepting 12. intelligent 22. organized 32. assertive 42. intelligent 3. adaptable 13. introverted 23. patient 33. cynical 43. witty 4. extroverted 14. kind 24. powerful 34. sensible 44. strict 5. friendly 15. knowledgeable 25. arrogant 35. sentimental 45. sad 6. calm 16. logical 26. quiet 36. helpful 46. insensitive 7. caring 17. loving 27. reflective 37. idealistic 47. rash 38. 8. cheerful 18. mature 28. relaxed spontaneous 48. inattentive 9. helping 19. modest 29. tense 39. empathic 49. rigid 10. happy 20. nervous 30. responsive 40. trustworthy 50. dull
- 23. Self Awareness Strategies • Quit treating your feelings as good or bad. • Feel your emotions physically • Know who and what pushes your buttons • Keep a journal about your emotions
- 24. Self Awareness Strategies •Do not be fooled by a bad mood • Do not be fooled by a good mood either • Stop and ask yourself why you do the things that you do • Visit your values • Check yourself • Spot your emotions in books, movies and music • Seek feedback (use Johari window) • Get to know yourself under stress
- 25. Self Control • Peoplewith competence – Manage their impulsive feelings and distressing emotions well – Stay composed, positive even in trying moments – Think clearly and stay focused under pressure
- 26. How to bein control of our emotions? • Reflect, look at yourself and ask some questions. • Examine critically how you might perform those tasks more efficiently. • Try to prevent problems from ever arising. • Develop a mindset that looks to solve problems instead of dwelling on them. • Get and stay ahead of less-urgent, day-to-day tasks. • Know which tasks are priorities and which can wait. what you are doing to make sure that you do finish the tasks listed on it. • Eliminate altogether any task that is truly unnecessary. • Evaluate your procedures and processes as you use them. • Try to anticipate needs and things you will need to know • Worry “Cloak Room”
- 27. How to improveself control • Smiling • Laughing • Deep breathing • Concentrate on the circle of influence • Meditation
- 28. Motivation • Achievement drive – Striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence • Commitment – Embracing the organization‟s vision and goals • Initiative and optimism – Twin competencies that mobilize people to seize opportunities and allow them to take setbacks and obstacles in stride
- 30. “ The valueof a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive. ” Albert Einstein (1879–1955)
- 31. Steve Jobs Your time is limited, so don‟t waste it living someone else‟s life. Don‟t let the noise of others‟ opinions drown out your own inner voice.
- 32. Optimism Versus Pessimism Optimists – Explain positive events as having happened because of them (internal). – Conversely, they see negative events as not being their fault (external). Pessimists – They believe that negative events are caused by them (internal). – They believe that one mistake means more will come (stable), and mistakes in other areas of life are inevitable (global)
- 33. What This Means •Optimism is good for your future. • Negative events are more likely to roll off of your back • Positive events affirm your belief in yourself • Good news: These patterns of thinking can be learned to a degree
- 35. Moment of Truth Thenumerous 15 seconds interaction where customers interact with front-line employees. These “moments of truth” are the moments that ultimately determine whether the company will succeed or fail as a company.
- 36. How to becomean optimist? • Focus on your strengths. • Look honestly at your weaknesses. • Challenge and change your thought processes • Expect change to be slow. • Learn from mistakes • Practice positive affirmations • When negative events occur, think of the difficult circumstances that could have contributed to this happening.
- 37. Work is Love - Kahlil Gibran, author of „The Prophet‟ And what is it to work with love? It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart, even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth. It is to build a house with affection, even as if your beloved were to dwell in that house. It is to sow seeds with tenderness and reap the harvest with joy, even as if your beloved were to eat the fruit. Work is love made visible.
- 38. And if youcannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take the alms of those who work with joy. For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half a man‟s hunger. And if you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distills a poison in the wine. And if you sing though as angels, and love not the singing, you muffle man‟s ears to the voices of the day and the voices of the night.
- 39. Self Management strategies • Breathe right • Create an emotion versus reason list • Make your goal public • Count to ten • Sleep on it • Make your Talk to a skilled self manager • Smile and laugh more • Set aside some time in your day for problem solving • Take control of your self talk • Visualize yourself succeeding
- 40. Incorrect listening 1. Ignoring 2.Pretending - going through the motions without trying to understand 3. Selective listening - only hearing parts of what is said (what they want to hear) 4. Attentive listening - only hearing the words and missing the feeling behind the words 5. Autobiographical listening - a head filled with thoughts of themselves, their concerns, their stories.
- 41. Chinese character for“Listening” 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood 110
- 42. Empathic Listening • Providethe speaker with your undivided attention. • Be non-judgemental. Don‟t minimize or trivialize the speakers issue. • Read the speaker. Observe the emotions behind the words. Is the speaker angry, afraid, frustrated or resentful. Respond to the emotion as well as the words. • Be Quiet. Don‟t feel you must have an immediate reply. Often if you allow for some quiet after the speaker has vented, they themselves will break the silence and offer a solution. • Assure your understanding. Ask clarifying questions and restate what you perceive the speaker to be saying.
- 43. Importance of empathy •Doctors who do not listen get sued more in the US. • Listening empathically to end customers result in better product designs • In business dealings, understanding how someone feels need not lead to giving in, but to more skillful negotiations
- 44. EI and Trust •Emotional bank Balance is another name for Trust • There are 4 cores of trust – Integrity or Character – Intention – Capability – Results • Integrity or Character is directly related to EI.
- 45. Emotional behaviours toearn trust • Talk straight – Be honest • Create transparency • Seek first to understand. • Show kindness, courtesy, respect. • Be loyal to the absent. • Set clear expectations. • Apologize. • Keep commitments • Deliver results • Practice accountability • Forgive.
- 46. Social Awareness Strategies •Greet people by name • Watch body language • Make timing everything • Develop a back pocket question • Don‟t completely immerse yourselves in taking notes at meetings • Plan ahead for social gatherings • Live in the moment • Go on a 15-minute tour
- 47. Social skill • Proficiencyin managing relationships and building networks • Find common ground and build rapport • Effectiveness in leading change • Building and leading teams • Persuasiveness, and moving people in a direction you desire
- 48. Have a genuineinterest in others • Socially intelligent people show a genuine interest in others • They put aside their own internal mental distractions - being "in the moment” • People lacking in social confidence, tend to internalise - their attention being on their own thoughts and (usually) discomfort. • As a result they miss valuable cues and appear disinterested.
- 49. Have a genuineinterest in others • Showing a genuine interest involves caring about others‟ well-being. • This interest shows itself in behaviours, such as being on time for appointments. • They maintain appropriate eye-contact, anticipating people's needs • Without this authentic base, the individual is simply seen as being manipulative.
- 50. Expressing emotions • Theassertive expression of ourselves depends heavily on non-verbal communication and tone of voice. • Socially intelligent people express emotions well and they do so in ways beneficial to all. • Emotions are contagious -other people will catch them.
- 51. Expressing emotions • Positiveemotions improve performance in the workplace • Yet joy, happiness, and excitement are the least expressed emotions in the workplace.
- 52. Understanding social environments •Need a good knowledge about people and the workings of the social world • Socially intelligent people understand the different personalities of those they work with.
- 53. Understanding social environments •This helps them to motivate and deal with different people in different ways. • They understand the often unwritten, norms and etiquette for varied social situations. • Aware of political undercurrents and power relationships within the group.
- 54. Developing social intelligence •Genetics does play a role in determining social intelligence, but it can be developed. • Calls for changing the way you act and interact with others, and making them a habit. • This takes focused attention and practice over time.
- 55. Go to officewith a right mindset • Enter your office with a positive mindset about your work, colleagues and employer. • Bearing negative thoughts about your workplace will hamper your performance and make you hate it.
- 56. Maintain a goodrapport at office • Not practiced very often. • Maintain an open communication with your boss and colleagues. • Practice small things like – helping people wherever you can – pass a gentle smile as you see a colleague • Others will help you when you need it.
- 57. Stress tolerance • Abilityto withstand adverse events and stressful situations without “falling apart” • Involves – problem-solving – optimism, – knowledge of stress coping strategies and practice • People who have good stress tolerance face crises and problems. • They do not surrender to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
- 59. We've travelled theworld, lived in different countries, made more money than we ever thought possible, and enjoyed spending as much of it as we could on things that brought us joy and satisfaction. We believe in the philosophy that our life belongs to us and only us, and we have the right to choose. The couple who wrote this committed suicide. This was their suicide note (in Goa in 2012) Reason could be: Loss of reason to live.
- 60. Relation Management Strategies •Be open and be curious • Enhance your natural communication skill • Remember the little things that pack a punch • Take feedback well • Build trust • Only get mad on purpose
- 61. Relation Management Strategies •Don‟t avoid the inevitable • Acknowledge the other person‟s feelings • Complement the other person‟s emotions or situation • When you care, show it • Explain your decisions, don‟t just make them • Make your feedback direct and constructive - BIT • Align your intention with impact
- 62. Relation Management Strategies •Offer a “Fix-it” statement during a broken conversation • Tackle a tough conversation
Editor's Notes
- #14 Walter Mischel at Stanford University distributed marshmallows to groups of 4 year olds and left the room, promising that any child, who resisted eating the marshmallow until he returned 15/20 minutes later, would be rewarded with another one. Some of the children ate them immediately, others within a few minutes and some were able to wait. Those who were able to wait, used the brain’s reasoning power over its impulsive one. Follow-up studies, 12-14 years later revealed that the children who had resisted the temptation had grown more socially competent, self assertive and coped better with life’s frustrations, whilst those who ate the marshmallow had grown into more stubborn, indecisive and stressed individuals. There seemed to be little correlation with the IQ of the subjects and social abilities. The studied concluded that EI a better predictor of success.
- #24 Quit treating your feelings as good or bad.Suspend your judgment on your emotions. It allows your emotions to run its course and vanish. Passing judgment on your emotions whether you should be feeling good or bad about what you are feeling just heaps more emotions and prevents the original feeling from running its course.Observe the ripple effect of your emotionsWhen a manager shouts at one of his subordinates, all those who witnessed it will feel the tension, wondering when their own turn will come. Watch others’ reactions to your outburst. Reflect on your behaviour and also ask others. By knowing the reactions, you can choose what types of ripples you want to create. Lean into your discomfort Do not avoid looking into your feelings, even if it is a mild emotional discomfort. You can do something about it. Find out if you are arrogant and if so, apologize. If you are feeling down, do not busy yourself with meaningful activities as a distraction. Feel your emotions physically Spot the physical changes in your body – mouth dry, stomach muscles tightening, breathing, heart beat etc. Think through your past emotions – one positive and one negative and observe body changes. You will be able to understand your emotions next time when body changes occur.Know who and what pushes your buttons Knowing who pushes your buttons and how they do it will help you to calm down. It could be people, situations, environments (such as noisy office). You will know why and how they push your buttons. Watch yourself like a hawk Develop a more objective view of your own behaviour. Suppose your son is late and you get angry because you are made to wait. Soon, you forget that your initial worry was his safety, but now you are angry because your sleep is disrupted.Keep a journal about your emotions Write about the time spent at work and home. You will begin to see patterns of your emotions and you will develop a better idea of which tendencies.
- #25 Do not be fooled by a bad mood A low mood puts a dark cloud over every thought. It can lead you to make mistakes. Allow the mood to pass. Do not dwell on it, else it will become permanent.Do not be fooled by a good mood eitherWhen you are excited and happy, you can still do things that you will regret later. Let us see you see a discount sale and you end up buying things. You will regret when your credit card bill comes. You will make similar impulsive decisions when you are excited.Stop and ask yourself why you do the things that you do Seek out the source of your feelings. Can anyone evoke those emotions in you?Visit your values Check your core beliefs. Take your core values and write what you have done recently that you now regret. Repeat it at intervals,Check yourself Examine your mood and consider its influence upon your demeanor. This will allow you to understand your mood before it sets the tone for rest of your day.Spot your emotions in books, movies and musicFinding your emotions in the expressions of artists allows you to learn about your yourself and discover feelings that are often hard to communicate.Seek feedback (use Johari window)Get to know yourself under stressAn upset stomach can be a sign that you have stress. Fatigue, headaches, not being able to sleep etc are messages that your body is sending you. Recognize the signals.
- #27 Reflect, look at yourself and ask some questions:What kinds of tasks do or don't come your way regularly? For example, at work, at home, during study etc. What kinds of tasks come in large groups? What kinds of tasks need immediate attention when they arrive? 2Examine critically how you might perform those tasks more efficiently. Before the next rush: Create a plan, procedure, checklist or routine to accomplish the task. Recruit and instruct others to assist with an urgent or large task. Gather information you will need to perform a task, or if necessary information comes from a flow of people who bring the tasks, create a script, checklist, or form to capture it consistently. Look for steps in the process to eliminate, consolidate, or shorten. 3Try to prevent problems from ever arising. This means tackling possible failings in advance to prevent them from becoming a reality. Get into the habit of taking precautions and developing fallback plans. 4Develop a mindset that looks to solve problems instead of dwelling on them. Here’s how: a. Define the problem (what is it exactly?) b. Decide what needs to happen to overcome the problem and how you’re going to do that; and c. Get on with it! 5Get and stay ahead of less-urgent, day-to-day tasks. Doing so means that they'll be out of the way when rushes come and will not be worrying you unnecessarily. Pay particular attention to preventative maintenance, whether that means checking the fluids in your car, restocking your pantry, or setting aside a bit of money in savings each week. A little effort up front could save you from a larger crisis later. 6Know which tasks are priorities and which can wait. Write out daily lists of tasks and head the list, ‘I will do’ and not ‘to do’. Boldly cross off each item as it is achieved. Keep this list close at hand and let it direct your actions. If it goes too long without crossing anything off, reassess what you are doing to make sure that you do finish the tasks listed on it. 7Eliminate altogether any task that is truly unnecessary. Some things do not need doing, or do not need to be done by you. Do not waste time on them and do not allow a misplaced sense of guilt lead you into thinking that somehow you are responsible for them. If tasks are unnecessary, they will not add to your effort and are thus, a waste of energy. Be ruthless in making this assessment about the value of a task. 8Evaluate your procedures and processes as you use them. What works and what does not? Make notes for improvements, and incorporate those improvements during the next lull. Discard anything that does not work but take care to note when something is in need of tweaking and adjust it accordingly so that it does work. 9Try to anticipate needs. Are rushes seasonal? Are there extra activities associated with certain times of the day, week, month, or quarter? Can you prepare in advance? Look ahead and do not be afraid of the unknown. A small amount of future stability can be self-generated by planning ahead and being ready for those things over which you do have some control. 10Try to anticipate things you will need to know. Can you learn a new skill ahead of time? Can you apply a skill you already have in a new way? Watch the trends around you; keep up-to-date by reading and continuous learning. Proactive people are successful because they are immersed in unfolding history as well as understanding the lessons of the past. 11Look for ways to automate routine tasks. Computers can manipulate data in all sorts of ways. Even having a template or a standard plan of action can save time. If you work in a team context, delegation is also a form of automation, in that knowing the best person to do a task will automatically result in its being done to the best level possible, removing it from the pile of "to-do's". Thus, have in place a system that automatically moves tasks to those best suited to them.
- #33 Optimists explain positive events as having happened because of them (internal). They also see them as evidence that more positive things will happen in the future (stable), and in other areas of their lives (global). Conversely, they see negative events as not being their fault (external). They also see them as being flukes (isolated) that have nothing to do with other areas of their lives or future events (local). For example, if an optimist gets a promotion, she will likely believe it’s because she’s good at her job and will receive more benefits and promotion in the future. If she’s passed over for the promotion, it’s likely because she was having an off-month because of extenuating circumstances, but will do better in the future. PessimistsPessimists think in the opposite way. They believe that negative events are caused by them (internal). They believe that one mistake means more will come (stable), and mistakes in other areas of life are inevitable (global), because they are the cause. They see positive events as flukes (local) that are caused by things outside their control (external) and probably won’t happen again (unstable). A pessimist would see a promotion as a lucky event that probably won’t happen again, and may even worry that she’ll now be under more scrutiny. Being passed over for promotion would probably be explained as not being skilled enough. She'd therefore expect to be passed over again. What This MeansUnderstandably, if you’re an optimist, this bodes well for your future. Negative events are more likely to roll off of your back, but positive events affirm your belief in yourself, your ability to make good things happen now and in the future, and in the goodness of life. Fortunately for pessimists and realists, these patterns of thinking can be learned to a degree (though we tend to be mostly predisposed to our patterns of thinking.) Using a practice called ‘cognitive restructuring,' you can help yourself and others become more optimistic by consciously challenging negative, self-limiting thinking and replacing it with more optimistic thought patterns.
- #37 When something positive happens in your life, stop to analyze your thought process for a moment. Are you giving yourself due credit for making it happen? Think of all the strengths you possess and ways you contributed, both directly and indirectly, to make this event occur. For example, if you aced a test, don’t just think of how great it is that you were prepared, but also think of how your intelligence and dedication played a role. Think of other areas of your life that could be affected by this good event. Also, think of how the strengths you possess that caused this good thing to happen can also cause other positive events in your life. For example, what other good things can come from your intelligence, dedication, and ability to effectively prepare for tasks? Imagine what future possibilities could be in store. Because you hold the key to your success, shouldn’t you expect to do well on future tests? Isn’t a successful career a natural result? When negative events occur, think of the extenuating circumstances that could have contributed to this happening. If you do poorly on an exam, for example, were you especially busy in the preceding week? Were you somewhat sleep deprived? What outside circumstances contributed to your failure? Keep in mind that this isn’t necessarily a reflection of personal weakness. Also remember that you’ll have endless opportunities to do better in the future. Think of your next potential success, or other areas where you can excel.Tips:The key to optimism is to maximize your successes and minimize your failures. It’s beneficial to look honestly at your shortcomings so you can work on them, but focusing on your strengths can never hurt. Keep in mind that the more you practice challenging your thought patterns, the more automatic it'll become. Don't expect major changes in thinking right away, but do expect them to become ingrained over time. Always remember that virtually any failure can be a learning experience, and an important step toward your next success! Practice positive affirmations. They really work!What You Need:A willingness to examine your thoughts. A few extra minutes to consistently reexamine your thought patterns.
- #40 Breathe right Long breath, “sheetli”, deep breath, pranayamCreate an emotion versus reason list Make 2 columns – on one side write what your emotional brain is saying and on other side, what rational brain is saying. Ask 2 questions – where is emotion clouding reason and vice versa. Writing down on paper makes it easy to take a decisionMake your goal public Select those people who will actually pay attention to your progress. Ask them to monitor it. You can build in a reward or punishment by the sponsor.Count to ten Counting gives you time to respond rather than react.Sleep on it Extra time gives you clarity and gives you control on your emotionsMake your Talk to a skilled self manager Having mentors to guide you is useful.Smile and laugh more Secretion of dopaminesSet aside some time in your day for problem solving 15 minutes of time introspecting each dayTake control of your self talk No negative self talk Treat each situation as its own and do not generalise Do not say “I am an idiot”. Say “I made a mistake” Accept your responsibility and not of others- do not carry their burden.Visualize yourself succeedingBrain cannot distinguish between what eyes see and what brain thinks. MRI scans of people’s brains taken of people seeing sunset and of people imagining sunset were identical. Visualize yourself before you go to bed. Imagine all details of the difficult situations and acting in the way you like to act. Imagine the positive impact of tat interaction.
- #47 Greet people by name Greeting people by name is the most important social awareness strategy. It breaks down the barriers. If the name is unusual, ask for spelling. Watch body languagePoker players look for clues in body language in their opponents. Knowing the feelings from body language allows you an appropriate response. Eyes communicate more, but do not stare at their eyes. Look at the person’s smile. Is it authentic or forced? If skin at the corner of eyes is not crinkled, it is possibly fake. Authentic smiles change rapidly from smile to broad open expression.Make timing everythingAsk the right question at the right time. You don’t ask for a raise when business is down, you don’t correct someone being threatened by your presence. If someone is sharing their irritation about a domestic quarrel, you don’t ask for project status at that time. You have asked the right question at the wrong time for the other person.Develop a back pocket questionComes handy when there is an awkward silence when you meet people at gatherings.Don’t take notes at meetingsObserve people rather than being engrossed in note taking. Observation will show undercurrents.Plan ahead for social gatheringsPlan who to meet, what to talk. Clear away the clutterDo not indulge in self talk when you are at a gathering. Do not interrupt the other person when he is speaking. You have to listen, and not wow the speaker with your own insightful comments. Live in the momentChildren live in the moment. We always think “I should not have done that” or “How will I handle it?” thinking of past or future, but not the present. If you are at the gym, be at the gym, if at meeting, be at meeting. Reflecting on the past or future should not be done throughout the day, but at fixed timings each day where it does not interfere with the present.Go on a 15-minute tourWalk around the office twice a week for a month at different times and observe people. On day 1 do not make too many assumptions on what you observe.
- #49 Socially intelligent people show a genuine interest in others, but this is something that they concern themselves with even when they are alone. When interacting socially they put aside their own internal mental distractions and externalise the focus of their attention. This is known as being "in the moment" or "fully present" and achieving it in every conversation makes the person very responsive to the other one - less so at the intellectual level but in understanding the other person's feelings and emotional responses. People lacking in social confidence, tend to internalise - their attention being on their own thoughts and (usually) discomfort. As a result they miss valuable cues and appear disinterested. By being fully present, socially intelligent people remember faces, names, eye colour, and other details as well as being able to notice subtle changes or differences in someone such as when they change their hair style. Showing a genuine interest in others though goes beyond just being fully present as it is an attitude that persists even when they are alone. It involves caring about their well-being. This interest shows itself in both simple and complex behaviours, such as being on time for appointments, maintaining appropriate eye-contact, anticipating people's needs (such as offering them refreshments or pointing out facilities to those who might need them). Without this authentic base, the individual is simply seen as being manipulative.
- #61 Be open and be curiousBeing open means sharing information about you with others, so that others can know you. Choose your self management skills to choose how open you are and what you share. Sharing means people have less chance of misinterpreting you. You need to be interested in other people too.Enhance your natural communication skillList what works and what does not work in your natural communication style. Is it serious, direct, entertaining, discreet, intense, cool, intrusive? Ask your friends and team members?Avoid giving mixed signalsTelling your staff without excitement that they did a great job conveys no meaning. You may be saying what you rehearsed, but your body may show a different emotion. Sometimes it may not be appropriate your emotions as you speak. If you get angry, you must keep it in back burner and sort it out at the earliest opportunity. You can tell others “If I am looking distracted, this is the reason” so that they understand.Remember the little things that pack a punchCount how many times you say “please”, “thank you” and “sorry”. They have a positive impact on your relationships. Good manners help.Take feedback wellConsider the source of the feedback. Ask clarifying questions. Thank for the feedback whether you accept it or not. Do not feel pressurized into action. Once you decide, proceed with plans.Build trustEmotional bank accountHave an open-door policyIncrease your accessibility to people. Be available. People will feel valued. Only get mad on purposeAnyone can get angry, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, in the right way, this is not easy – Aristotle. Anger is not to be stifled. It exists for a reason.
- #62 Don’t avoid the inevitableIf you are not comfortable working with a co-worker, you need to work that out. Do not avoid her or the situation. Share your preferences and come to an agreement. Manage your frustrations well.Acknowledge the other person’s feelingsSay “ I am sorry you are upset, is there anything I can do”. Don’t tell “It is nothing, it will go off, concentrate on your work”. Complement the other person’s emotions or situationPick up the cues from others’ emotions and give a response which complements it. You have to be listening, self aware, be present and put yourself in the other person’s shoes. When you care, show itShow appreciation if you feel the appreciation. When you care, show it. Don’t hesitate or postpone. Things as simple as a greeting card or something else inexpensive, yet meaningful that sums up how you feel are all that is needed.Explain your decisions, don’t just make themIn stead of making a change and expect others to just accept it, take time to explain the “why” behind the decision. Make your feedback direct and constructiveFeedback is meant to address the person and not the problem. Align your intention with impactJust having good intentions is not good enough. Your actions should reflect what others would feel. Make a quick analysis before you make a statement. Think of an incident where the impact of what you said was not what you intended. Write down what you did not realize in the beginning, missed cues, what you learned about yourself and others. Write what you could have done differently.Tharoor is 'sorry' for his 'cattle class' remarks New Delhi: Reacting on the controversy over his "cattle class" remarks, Minister of State for External Affairs Shashi Tharoor Thursday night said he was "sorry" for hurting any sentiments and that his words had been misunderstood. Tharoor ran into trouble for a message he posted on the social networking site Twitter in which he said sarcastically in response to a query that he would travel "cattle class out of solidarity with all our holy cows!".Congress spokesperson Jayanthi Natarajan had termed the phrase as "unacceptable" and said Tharoor was perhaps not conscious of local sensitivities since he was new to Indian politics.The minister who is in Liberia on an official visit tweeted late night Thursday that he had, "learned belatedly of fuss over my tweet replying to journo's query whether I would travel to Kerala in 'cattle class'."He pointed out that the phrase "cattle class" was used in the query, which he just repeated."It's a silly expression but means no disrespect to economy travellers, only to airlines for herding us in like cattle. Many have misunderstood," he tweeted. He admitted that if the phrase when translated into Malayalam sounded worse, especially if taken out of context. "To those hurt by the belief that my repeating the phrase showed contempt: sorry," said Tharoor.He also explained that the word "holy cows" was not referring to any individuals. "Holy cows are NOT individuals but sacrosanct issues or principles that no one dares challenge. Wish critics would look it up."The minister said that he had learnt a lesson from the episode. "I now realise I should not assume people will appreciate humour. You should not give those who would wilfully distort your words an opportunity to do so."Besides, Tharoor also mentioned that he had excellent meetings with the Liberian President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf and other dignitaries. He is the first minister in 38 years to visit the West African nation
- #63 Offer a “Fix-it” statement during a broken conversationLet go of the blame and focus on the repair. Do you want to be right or a resolution?Tackle a tough conversationStart with agreement. Ask the the person to help you to understand. Resist the urge to plan a comeback or rebuttal. Help the other person understand your side too. Move the conversation forward. Keep in touch.