This presentation discusses PHP and argues that it does not inherently suck. While PHP has some flaws in its early design and inconsistent naming conventions, the quality of code depends more on the programmer than the language. The presentation provides tips for writing better PHP such as learning the language thoroughly, testing code, using version control, sharing and reusing quality code from others, adopting a clear coding style, and using frameworks to enforce best practices. It acknowledges PHP is improving with new features in version 5.4 and that the overall quality of PHP programming depends more on how developers utilize tools and techniques than criticisms of the language itself.