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Red Ribbon Week Celebration in Carters
- 1. Parenting style mattersin substance abuse prevention
- 2. • Nonprofit organizationthat connects healthcare professionals who want to give back to society. • Its aim is to create a platform, where they can share ideas and experiences, provide mutual support and collaborate, channel their own personal passions and skills in community projects both locally and abroad. • Inspired by the white tulip flower, which is an important symbol of purity, caring, and aspiration.
- 3. • National FamilyPartnership, was established as a nonprofit organization in 1980 by a handful of concerned and determined parents who were convinced they should begin to play a leadership role in drug prevention.
- 4. Growing up drugfree
- 5. Statistics • Two outof three of students said they drank alcohol (more than just a few sips) by the end of high school. • ~ 26 % of them did so by 8th grade. • Nearly half of 12th graders and one in nine 8th graders reported being drunk at least once in their life. Johnston et al, 2016
- 6. Statistics • Almost halfof 12th graders and nearly one third of 10th graders said they had used marijuana. • Drugs cause a death in the United States every 13 minutes. • More people die from accidental drug overdose in the United States each year than in motor vehicle accidents. Johnston et al, 2016
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- 11. Why do kidsuse drugs or alcohol? Relieve boredom ,stress Curiosity Want to feel grown up or to lessen peer pressure by peers, bullying. Poor grades in school Substance use disorders by family members Conflict between parents or between parents and children
- 12. PROTECTIVE FACTORS • Having highself-esteem • Attending a school with policies against using alcohol and drugs • Having an adult role model who doesn’t use tobacco or drugs, or misuse alcohol • Participating in athletic, community, or faith- based groups • Living in a community with youth activities that prohibit drugs and alcohol
- 14. An important goalis to change the balance so the effects of protective factors outweigh those of risk factors.
- 15. How do Italk to my child about drugs? Suggestions for talking to preschoolers, elementary students, middle, high school students
- 16. Conversation starters ■ If yousee a young person smoking, talk about the negative effects of tobacco. ■ If you see an interesting news story, discuss it with your child. Did a driver who was drinking run over and kill someone? Did a young couple who did drugs lose custody of their children? Ask how your child feels about situations and the potential consequences.
- 17. Conversation starters • While watchinga movie or TV show with your kids, ask if they think it makes tobacco, alcohol, and drugs look cool. • If you read or hear about someone affected by substance use, remind your child that preventing drug use is important but that some people develop substance use disorders.
- 18. How to startconversation? • Substance abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has a campaign called “Talk. They Hear You.” • The app also suggests questions to ask and gives ideas for keeping the conversation going. www.samhsa.gov/underage-drinking/parent
- 20. Will parenting matter? • Adolescentswho have a good bond with an adult are less likely to engage in risky behaviors. Adolescent health, 2016 www.healthypeople.gov
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- 22. Five questions thatbuild parenting skills to help prevent drug use
- 23. Question 1. Communication •Are you able to communicate calmly and clearly with your teenager regarding relationship problems, such as jealousy or need for attention?
- 24. Question 2. Encouragement •Do you encourage positive behavior habits in your teenager on a daily basis?
- 25. Question 3. Negotiation •Are you able to negotiate emotional conflicts with your teenager and work toward a solution?
- 26. Question 4. Settinglimits • Are you able to calmly set limits when your teenager is defiant or disrespectful?
- 27. Question 5. Supervision •Do you monitor your teenager to assure that he or she does not spend too much unsupervised time with peers?
- 28. • Substance abuseand other problem behaviors have roots in developmental changes that occur in early childhood . • While prevention can be effective at any age, it can have particularly strong effects when applied early.
- 29. How to help kid’s aggression/ angerearly years?
- 30. Understanding The Feelings Behind Aggressive Behaviors Aggression inthe early years is not a sign of a bad child or bad parenting. Aggression (hitting, biting, screaming) are all signs a child is in need of guidance. Children don't act out aggressively unless they are distressed.
- 31. Understanding The FeelingsBehind Aggressive Behaviors Common causes for aggressive behaviors in the early years are related to feelings of frustration, upset, sadness or anxiety. Before your child hits or bites, she is likely to experience a mix of emotions. The part of your child’s brain that controls outbursts and reactions is still under construction.
- 32. Help them findnew and better ways to express what they are feeling is more important than just stopping the biting and hitting
- 33. Self-Regulation • Having theability to monitor and control our own thoughts, behaviors and respond appropriately to each situation. • Essential for emotional well- being . • You can't make a child have it, you can help them grow it.
- 34. How parents self-regulateand communicate with their children builds a path for the development of a child's own self regulation skills as well. Your interactions with your child while they are acting out actually can have a great impact on your child's long term well-being.
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- 36. • Research showsthat a warm and responsive parenting style, one that allows a full expression of feelings, helps children better develop self- regulation skills. • Such a supportive parenting style also offers long term benefits to a child's overall psychological well-being (Kim, 2012. Carmody, 2015).
- 37. Play • For thetoddlers, preschoolers, having an outlet for their frustration, anger or upset is all very important. • Release energy; all help prevent biting, hitting and other aggression from building up. • Skills related to working out conflicts with their peers.
- 38. Focus on a CANDO plan: • You CAN come to me if you need help sharing. You CAN tell the teacher if you need help. You CAN come to me if you feel upset. We CAN take a break together if you need me. • If your can do plan is positive and free of punishments, your child will feel safe coming to you when her feelings are overwhelming and in turn you will be able to offer guidance to get your child back on track.
- 39. Use Alternatives ToTraditional Discipline • Young children can't comprehend the rationale for punishments. • They trust you to help them, to keep them safe. • It's scary to a child who is already feeling overwhelmed with emotions to be sent to sit alone or to have a favorite toy taken away.
- 41. When children chooseaggression to communicate unmet needs and difficult feelings and we choose to punish them, we are ignoring the very root of the problem. Only stopping the behavior, without actually teaching the child how to manage what they feel, is like pretending you don't have a flat tire when you really do.
- 42. Helpful Alternatives To Punishment For Aggressive Behaviors: • CalmDown Plan: Sit with your child and listen to them and help them figure out what will help them choose differently. • Breathing Games: Teach your child how to take calming breaths such as being a bunny or big lion to release stress. • Making pictures: “How big is your anger" and “How big is your Fear" pictures are often helpful for children to start talking about what they are feeling and how they can choose to change their behavior
- 43. What are thetwo most important emotional needs of kids?
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- 45. Parent’s personality assessment Our personality priority(natural tendency), determines our reactions to kids Most of the problem is our reactions, the way we respond to them It is us who create power struggles You can override it and get more +response
- 46. Parent personality SUPERIORITY CONTROLLINGPLEASING COMFORTING
- 47. Ego states ofpersonality 1. PARENT 2. ADULT 3. CHILD
- 48. Mind- Body- Soul Time •Time spent between one parent and one child • Emotionally available ( child ego state)- fully present • Doing what the child wants to do • 10 min , once a day, every day • One time per day with each child • Scheduling time reduces their anxiety about when they will get their next one to one with you
- 49. Mind- Body- Soul Time •Feeling great about yourself as a parent • Emotional nutrician for you and your kid • Fewer attention -seeking / poer seeking behavior • Fosters emotional connection
- 50. Attention bucket &Power bucket We can give them what they need in a positive way
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- 52. Top 3 parenting blunders Wrong jobdescription We loose sight
- 53. What is yourend game?
- 54. Skill sets Responsibility Decision making Financialaccountability Health & Wellness Household tasks Social Skills
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- 57. Not being ontheir team • Ordering, correcting, directing • Unreasonable expectations • Too much control Becoming more controlling as their need for autonomy increases
- 58. Survival tools “Convince me”,in addition to “ Yes”, “ No” Responsibility, freedom Develop empathy, problem solving skills, presentation skills
- 59. Consequences to be usedonly for repeated mistakes Respectful Related Reaosanable Revealed Repeated
- 60. • Take firstmistakes as an opportunity • Be crystal clear about consequences • Keep privilege? She chose • Don’t piggy back • I see you chose to loose your phone privilege, but I have full confidence you will make a better choice next time! • Allow to save face
- 61. • No 100rules • Pick the ones that are most important (black & whites) • Use consequences only sparingly
- 62. Encouraging & Empowering •Let little stuff go • Shift the balance of communication (your child’s perception of your relationship) They are going to be more cooperative Use your calm voice (x yelling, x nagging )
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- 64. What is yourplan? It assumes she has a plan, even she doesn’t, saves a face and makes one Let me know if I can help with anything in any way
- 65. I hear you.. Ihear you, it is my least favorite but you do such a good contribution to this family
- 66. Invite cooperation witha smile • You know sweety, I am going to do…, anything you do to help me will be awesome. • Thank you soo much, that is a huge help! • Demanding cooperation won’t be as effective
- 67. What if they arerude, disrespectful? • “Anger “ is a secondary emotion, in response to “hurt” • Dig down a little bit • What is that behavior telling us? • Do you really know what is going on?
- 68. You seem….. You don’thave to tell me. Is there anything I can do help? I feel……when you……and I wish…….. (share your feelings)
- 69. • Don’t givewrong message “ I have no confidence on you that you will do this if I don’t give this now” • Message they receive: Why would I ever do that w/o a treat? What’s in it for me? • Standford research
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- 71. Give up somecontrol • Think about areas where you ca let go
- 72. Your goal isnot to be correct, but emotionally connect
- 73. Improve your energy Howare you showing up? Get yourself in a positive way You are not going to change their attitude until you change your energy and voice
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Editor's Notes
- #12 cyberbullying
- #22 Developed by child and family center at Oregon Parents play an important role in preventing their children from starting to use drugs. 40 The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) provides a parenting resource called Family Checkup: Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse (www.drugabuse.gov/family-checkup).
- #31 (Distress to a child often looks like nothing to us - such as when Mariah couldn'thave that playfood. To us, not a big deal, to Mariah however, really big, big deal!) Misbehavior is a symptom because the children are goal oriented
- #34 A common underlying cause of aggressive behavior in children under the age of 10 is related to fear and an inability to self-regulate.
- #39 Research shows that most children (and adults) tend to blur out words like "don't" and only hear what follows. So "don't hit" actually makes a child picture hitting in her mind, putting the focus on hitting instead of calming.
- #42 Yes you will keep rolling forward but it will be a very bumpy ride and not good for the car.
- #45 Belonging: emotionally connected, feel secure about their place Significance: I am capable, I make a difference, What effects belonging and significance? Our behaviours, birth order If everything done for him, goes down Middle child, ivisable Preffered xxxx
- #48 How much time do you spend in parent ego state? if > 30% >>> power struggles
- #49 How to boost belonging and significance Doesn’t have to compete with anyone Incredibly powerful Don’t direct We don’t respect things we don’t schedule
- #50 No matter what age our kids aree right now, we are not going to get less busy. Our lives are busy, our kids are busy with technology and the pace of life in general, family life is getting more and more chaotic. Our kids emotional need remain the same.
- #52 It is more difficult now!
- #55 By the time they leave, they need to be doing
- #57 Back and fort Confusing
- #58 We are on the same team, not necessarily best friend