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Telling the Purifoys I’m pregnant isn’t easy, especially when I have to stamp out their glimmer of hope that the baby is Jake’s. Dell is especially betrayed by this news and immediately accuses me of having a long-term affair with Eric behind her son’s back. It’s a ridiculous notion since Jake would have figured it out if that were true. I don’t give them too many details of how it happened. Truthfully, I don’t even have to tell them anything.

I could just let them find out with the rest of the world. I know Eric is right and this can’t remain a secret forever. Definitely not when Maxine overhead everything we said. She’s the Wilona Woods of Renard Parish, and the proof of it is the looks I start getting the very next day. People stop talking when I enter a room. There are whispers from door to door, quickly airing my dirty laundry all over town.

Maybe going to Los Angeles for a few days isn’t such a bad idea after all. I could do some apartment scouting while I’m out there, maybe see what the job market is like. My profession, unless I want to get involved with a dance company or a musical performer, isn’t ever going to pay much. Dance instructors are a dime a dozen, I’m sure. That’s why Bon Temps made more sense for me from a business perspective. My studio is the only one in the parish. In L.A. it’s another story.

There are so many things to consider. As much as I don’t want to leave Louisiana, I know I’m going to have to move to California. It really isn’t economical or realistic for Eric to be flying back and forth from California. Plus, and I really hate to admit this, but I know I’d be safer living out there. Photographers are easier to spot and easier to avoid.

If need be, I could live with him. His house is big enough that we probably wouldn’t run into each other unless we were trying to. He’s also got a little guest house out back that I could crash in if I want more privacy. I don’t want to infringe in his life any more than I have to. He’s definitely not my boyfriend. Just the concept of being his friend is still strange to me.

I do leave him a message about the Purifoys, though. I let him know that Dell is no longer speaking to me and Channing is on the fence. He’s so much like his son that I assume he just needs time to adjust, but I may be wrong. Now that Jake’s parents know, I feel like I should formally say something to Jake about it. So I go out to the cemetery to have a talk with him.

It’s a chilly March afternoon, and I’m a little bundled in my winter coat. There’s a cold wind whipping around when I get there, and the only good thing about being in the cemetery is that I’m alone so I can say anything. I don’t need to worry about busybodies like Maxine getting their fill of my business. I find Jake’s grave and kneel down to place the little bunch of yellow tulips I brought with me.

Jake liked tulips. He’d helped me plant them in front of the house when we first bought it. Seeing the headstone finally in place really brings it home for me how permanent his loss is. I’ve had my moments where I miss him so much it hurts. I see something funny on TV and I want to call him into the room to tell him about it, or I have words with one of the moms at the studio and I want to vent to him about it. I miss having someone to share my days with, to talk things over with.

I miss my friend.

“I don’t really know where to start,” I say quietly. “I’m sure you already know about what I’ve done. I’m not even sure why I’m here. I’ve hurt a lot of people since you… I miss you, babe. Everything is changing. I might even be friends with Eric. How crazy is that?

“It’s what you always wanted, but I’m sure you never thought it would happen like this. I know I never thought it would. I barely like him and we’re going to be raising a kid together. How messed up is that? You know what he said to me at first, right? I don’t care what he thinks, but I still care what you would think of all this. Obviously this wouldn’t have happened if you were still here.

“I’m not sure how I feel about all this just yet. On one hand, I’m having a baby and no matter how I got pregnant, there’s something exciting about it. I’m making a person right here as we speak and that’s a pretty miraculous thing. But in order for it to happen I had to lose you, and I’m not sure I’m okay with that trade off. I almost feel like I don’t have a right to be excited about this.

“Maybe Mom’s right and I just need to get out of here. As long as I stay people are just going to judge me for this. They’re going to talk about this kid like it’s a bastard I should be ashamed of, and I don’t want my child thinking I agree with that attitude. The way it was conceived wasn’t ideal, and I definitely wasn’t trying to get pregnant, but it happened. Now I have to do what’s best for my kid.

“So what do I do, Jake? Do I stick around here and hope that people lay off and let me live my life? Or do I go to California so this kid can have access to both of its parents? I’m scared either way. Eric and I are trying to get along and build a friendship, but it’s not the same as if you and I were having a baby. And I’m sorry about your mom. You know I would never want to hurt her. She’s been good to me. I hope that someday she can forgive me, but I’ll understand if she doesn’t.

“I just want to be happy. Whether it’s here, California or anywhere else. I know you’ll always be with me but I’d rather you be next to me,” I pause to take a deep breath when the tears come. “You know, there’s a part of me desperate to believe that the doctors got it wrong, that against all odds this baby is still somehow yours and not Eric’s. I know that’s not fair to him, but it’s the truth. But then I think even if I got my wish it would be selfish. You would still be dead and our baby would never know you. It’s messed up either way.

“I don’t know if you’re mad at me, but I’m going to ask a favor anyway. Keep an eye on the kid for me, will you? I’d like to know that he or she has someone special looking out for them. I don’t think I could handle another loss right now. I guess that’s how I know I’m supposed to be a mom now. The idea of losing this baby scares the shit out of me.” I wipe my tears off my cheeks and sniffle a little.

I stare at the headstone in front of me. Jake’s birthday is coming up in April. I decide I want to do something for it. Maybe I can be in L.A. then and Eric and I can do something together. I’ll run it by him when we talk next.

The cold starts getting to me so I stand up and press a kiss to my fingertips before I touch the headstone.

“I love you, Jake. I’ll see you in my dreams,” I whisper and then head back to my car.

xXx

The morning of my doctor’s appointment I dress in a pair of yoga pants and a comfy melon-colored tunic with a pair of flats and a black cardigan. A bout of morning sickness has me running a little late. Eric sent a text earlier this morning to let me know his flight is coming in on time. He wanted to come in last night, but his schedule wouldn’t allow for it.

He’s staying long enough to attend the appointment and get lunch together afterward. It’s fine since I need to get to the studio anyway. Tara and I have a lot of talking to do. She’s into ballet, Halli does tap and I teach jazz and hip-hop dancing. We all have a fairly heavy schedule, but I work more with teenagers. Halli and Tara have littler girls that mostly have moms who want to see their daughters all dressed up for recitals. I hate moms like that. Those kids never last long. The moms think all we do is recitals, and that’s not the way it is.

But Tara and I need to talk about the very likely event of me leaving. We’ll need to get a replacement in for me. I can contact some of my classmates from Duke and see if there’s any interest. I don’t want to leave her and Halli hanging. Maybe Halli will buy me out.

Then there’s the question of what to do with the house. If I live with Eric I’m assuming he’s not going to expect me to pay rent, but I don’t know if I’d feel okay about not paying my own way. If I sell the house here I can pay off the mortgage and maybe have a little left over thanks to the kitchen and bathroom remodeling we did. The kitchen is practically brand new. There are all new appliances in there and in the bathroom we replaced the tub, toilet and tile on the shower wall. We replaced all the floors in the house so there’s hardwood everywhere but the bathrooms.

We did good. There’s going to be a return on our investment, and we were smart about our renovations. We put our money where it would get us the most return. I’ll have to talk to Sid Matt to see what sort of problems there might be with Jake’s name being on the mortgage too. I can imagine Dell trying to fight me on selling the house if I need to seek their permission to sell the property.

On the bright side, Eric did offer me his lawyer… I’m not trying to fight Dell, but I will if I have to.

I get to the office five minutes late and Eric is pacing outside the building. He’s dressed in a pair of dark jeans, a black T-shirt and he’s got a beanie and dark sunglasses on. He’s incognito and I can understand why.

“Sorry I’m late. Junior here decided I needed to worship the porcelain goddess for an extra fifteen minutes this morning,” I explain as I approach him.

“It’s alright,” he says, and opens the door for me to go in.

“I have extra crackers in my bag just in case,” I say as I walk past him. I might as well get used to carrying extra stuff around with me.

“That’s good,” he says, and he sounds almost annoyed.

“What’s wrong?” I lead the way to the office.

“Nothing,” he sighs. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Oooookay.

I open the office door and Eric follows me in. I check in with the receptionist, who informs me the doctor is also running behind schedule, and I take a seat with Eric who is playing with his phone.

“Dr. Ludwig is behind schedule,” I tell him.

“Wonderful.”

“That’s why I try to get the first appointment when I can. Hopefully it won’t be too long.”

“It’s fine.”

Eric keeps his eyes on his phone. Kinda rude, but whatever.

“How was your flight?” I ask.

“It was fine.”

There’s weird tension between us that wasn’t there the week before. Something is off, but Eric obviously doesn’t feel very social. Maybe it’s the other women in the room that are staring at him. His disguise doesn’t seem to be fooling anyone, and I know I’m right when he’s approached two minutes later.

“Excuse me, are you Eric Northman?” A woman about six months pregnant stands in front of us.

Eric looks up at her with a smile and says, “Yes.”

“I’m sorry to bother you, but would you mind…” she trails off, holding up a piece of paper and a pen.

“Of course not,” he says, and takes the paper from her. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

Sweetheart? Oy.

“Kelly,” she blushes.

Eric nods and signs the paper, then hands it back to her. “It was nice to meet you, Kelly.”

“You too,” she grins. “Thank you, Mr. Northman. My sister is going to freak out when I tell her about this. Have a nice day.”

“You too,” he smiles.

Kelly eyeballs me, but that’s about all the acknowledgment I get before she goes back to her seat. I grab a magazine and start reading an article about breastfeeding. Eric goes back to his phone and we’re quiet and awkward until my name is called fifteen minutes later.

“You ready?” I ask as I stand up.

“Yeah,” he says, and gets up with me.

EPOV

I feel more than a little weird being in a doctor’s office with Sookie. I now know too many things about her health. Mostly I just sit in the extra chair in the exam room and wait to be asked something. But then Dr. Ludwig finally comes in and starts talking to Sookie about woman shit. I’m not around, so I don’t know shit about how the pregnancy is progressing. And then I hear the doctor ask if we’re ready to hear the heartbeat, and I sit up a little more.

“Will we be able to hear it this early?” I ask.

“At six weeks it’s possible,” Dr. Ludwig says as she gets out this little machine with a wand microphone looking thing attached to it.

Sookie lays back on the table and lifts her shirt for the doctor. The machine is turned on and then Dr. Ludwig presses the wand to the lower part of Sookie’s stomach.

“It may take–” Dr. Ludwig stops when a sound comes from the machine. It’s a loud and fast whooshing sound.

“Is that it?” Sookie’s face lights up, and the doctor nods. “Wow,” she mutters and tears up.

I’m speechless. It doesn’t sound at all like what I thought a baby heartbeat would. It’s so fast, and it makes everything so real. We’re having a baby whether we like it or not.

“Is it always that fast?” Sookie asks.

“Yes. That’s a strong, steady heartbeat there. That’s a good thing,” she says.

The doctor listens to it for a minute and then pulls the wand away. She asks us if we have any questions, but I shake my head. I figure Sookie will be the one with questions. She has a few and asks about morning sickness and a few other symptoms she’s having. Dr. Ludwig assures her most of it will subside after the first trimester is over.

“Good. I could do with less throwing up,” Sookie says.

“How long until we find out the sex?” I ask.

“That’ll depend on the baby. Usually at about twenty weeks it’s pretty obvious, but some babies like to get camera shy and keep themselves turned so we can’t see,” Dr. Ludwig says.

“Will we get to see the baby next time?” Sookie asks.

“Next time you’ll be far enough along for us to be able to see a little something. It’ll probably look like a little shrimp,” Dr. Ludwig says.

“When does she come in again?” I ask.

“I’d like to see you again in two weeks. After that we’ll only need you to come in once a month as long as things are going smoothly,” the doctor says.

“I can do that,” Sookie nods.

“Okay. Any other questions?”

“No, I’m good.” Sookie looks to me.

“No questions here,” I say, and stand up.

“Great. Then I’ll see you back in two weeks. Mr. Northman, nice to meet you,” Dr. Ludwig shakes my hand.

“It was nice to meet you too,” I say, and Sookie and I head out.

She stops at the little window to set up her appointment, and then we go outside.

“Should I just meet you somewhere for lunch, or should we take one car?” I ask.

“If you’re in a hurry we can go separately.”

“I’m not really in a hurry,” I say. “My flight doesn’t leave until tonight.”

“Okay, then I’ll drive,” she says and heads for her car.

I follow her and get in, and she starts driving. I’m not sure where we’re going for lunch, but I don’t really care. I’m just hungry. I don’t say much because I’m not sure what to say about what we just heard. Even though it doesn’t look like it, there’s a person growing inside her that we made, that we have to care for, and it’s scaring the shit out of me.

“So um, how’s work going?” Sookie asks.

“It’s fine. I start filming next week so I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it to the next appointment or not,” I say. “It’s hard to change a filming schedule around since it fucks with so many people’s jobs.”

“It’s okay. I’ll see if I can get a DVD if you want,” she offers.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Sookie looks over at me but she’s silent for the rest of the ride to a diner a few blocks away. We get out and go in together, and thankfully she leads me to a booth in the corner, away from most of the people dining there.

A waitress comes over almost immediately, and thankfully she’s an older woman who doesn’t seem to recognize me. The thing at the doctor’s office was par for the course for me, and even though I wasn’t in the mood to sign things I knew it would spread faster if I were rude. At least that girl didn’t want a picture.

I order coffee and Sookie orders tea, and then the waitress leaves us to look over the menus. I know pretty much immediately that I want a greasy burger since I drank way too much the night before. When I find what I want on the menu, I set it aside and look out the window as we wait.

“So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” Sookie says when she sets her menu aside. “You know how my mom suggested that I be in L.A. when Pam releases the statement about the baby?”

“Yeah,” I say, and look at her. I can’t help but notice that she looks a little nervous.

“Well I’ve been thinking maybe that’s a good idea. I realize that you can’t keep flying out here like this, as much as I appreciate you taking time out of your schedule to do this for us, but I know it’s selfish of me to make you do this over and over and you’re so busy and–” she’s rambling.

“Do you just want to come out for a visit, or do you want to move there?” I ask.

Sookie takes a deep breath and says, “That’s the thing. See, I was thinking that if I come to Los Angeles for the whole press release thing I could use that time to do some job and apartment scouting. I have no clue what the cost of living is there, but I’m sure it’s insane compared to here. So I thought I’d come out and do some research so I can start making a plan to move out there full-time.”

Wow. This is really happening.

“Well when you move out there, you don’t need to stay in an apartment, Sookie,” I say. “My house is plenty big for the both of us, and if you can’t stand being in the main house, you can have the guest house all to yourself. It doesn’t have to be permanent, but I’d like it if you and the baby were close by.”

“That’s a sweet offer but I don’t want to infringe on your personal space too much and from what I’ve read, the closer I get to the birth part the more territorial I’ll get and the more I’m going to want to have everything in order, and I’ll just drive you crazy if we live together.”

“Then I’ll deal with it,” I shrug. “I’m not going to pull you away from everything that’s familiar to you and then let you go off on your own right away. Especially with you being pregnant. I can live with you doing that nesting thing.”

“Nesting?” Sookie looks impressed. “Been doing some research of your own?”

The waitress comes back with our drinks and takes our orders. Sookie only gets soup and an English muffin.

When she leaves again, I say, “It was in a movie role once.”

“Oh.”

“Stan bought me that what to expect shit though,” I tell her. “I’ll look through it.”

“Okay.”

“So when do you want Pam to release this?”

“Well I’ve told everyone I need to before it gets out to the entire world. But I would like to talk to Tara about what we’re going to do with the studio beforehand. I don’t really have a date in mind. Do you have a preference? If the new movie isn’t going to take too long to shoot we could wait until you’re done.”

“Don’t most people wait until they’re at a certain point to even tell their parents?” I ask.

“I guess some do. Have you told yours?”

“No,” I admit.

My parents moved out of Louisiana when I graduated high school and I see them about once a year now. I was one of those surprise kids that they reluctantly raised. Sure, they loved me, and they were proud of all that I accomplished, but none of us are big on getting together often. I get a phone call once a month from my mom, emails, and sometimes we Skype. They’re pretty content doing all the traveling they missed out on because of me.

“Are you going to tell them? I don’t think I’ve ever met them,” Sookie says.

“I’ll tell them before the release comes out. I’m not sure when you’ll be able to meet them. They’re traveling seventy percent of the time,” I say, and sip my coffee. “As for the release, I say we wait until twelve weeks. That’ll give you time to get things more squared away here, and I won’t be filming by then.”

“That timeline sounds reasonable.”

“Good, then I’ll let Pam know,” I say. “And I’ll give you Stan’s number if you don’t already have it. When you’re ready to book your flight, let him know and he’ll take care of you.”

“Okay.”

We’re quiet again after that, and a few minutes later the waitress comes back with our food. My burger is delicious, and I watch as Sookie eats rather slowly.

“Is the morning sickness that bad?” I ask.

“I’ve been lucky today compared to yesterday. Yesterday was terrible.”

“Do you get it all day?”

“Yep. This kid doesn’t discriminate.”

“Kinda like me,” I smirk.

“You make women throw up too?”

“No, I don’t discriminate the time of day in which I get laid.”

Sookie just stares at me, but she doesn’t respond.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Jake would’ve thought it was funny,” I mumble.

“I’m not Jake,” she shrugs.

Instead of pissing her off by saying anything else, I focus on my food until I’m finished. She’s still got a bit to eat, so I figure it’s as good a time as any to bring up the phone call I got from Channing.

“Channing called me,” I tell her.

“How’d that go?”

“He’s disappointed in me,” I say. “And he told me that Blondell is livid with us both. She’s convinced we were having an affair behind Jake’s back.”

“Yeah she had a few choice names for me before she threw me out of her house,” Sookie says with her eyes trained on her cup of soup.

I can’t help but feel bad for her. It’s not her fault this is happening, and she’s grieving just the same as his parents. Dell is just taking her anger out on Sookie.

“I’ve got a few choice words of my own if I talk to her anytime soon.”

“Eric, don’t. I understand why she’s upset. I would be too if I was in her shoes.”

“She has no right to make you feel like shit over something she really didn’t have a right to know in the first place. If she wants to be pissed at anyone, she needs to be pissed at me.”

“I was there the same as you. I’m just as responsible for the situation I’m in. I can take it.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“And Jake shouldn’t be dead, but he is. That’s life.”

“Yeah, well life’s a fucking bitch,” I sigh.

All of a sudden Sookie covers her mouth and scrambles out of the booth for the bathroom.

I can’t follow her into the ladies’ room, so I have to wait there for her to come back, which doesn’t happen for another fifteen minutes. She looks pale and tired, and I realize that I probably need to be nicer to her. It’s her that’s going through all the medical bullshit.

“You okay?” I ask when she sits back down.

“For now. We’ll see in ten minutes.”

“If I could have a talk with the kid about this, I would,” I say, hoping to make her smile.

She does.

“It’s not bad parenting to retroactively ground your kid for in utero fuckery, is it?” Sookie asks, and sips her tea.

“Not in my opinion,” I smile back.

“Good. I’ll have to start keeping track then.”

I chuckle and pick up my coffee again. Maybe we won’t be so bad at this after all.

 

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