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As predicted, the bank needs time to get all of the paperwork in order. It’s ridiculous considering the bank is really only busy on Fridays when people get paid and it’s a Wednesday. Eric could have just whipped out his checkbook, I’m sure, but the bank decides a wire transfer would be easier on everyone and that’s something Eric would need to do on his end from his bank. They promise to get the paperwork together and fax it over to him so that he can take it to his bank.

Once the money hits, my account will be clear and I will own my home outright. I bring a copy of Jake’s death certificate with me as well to see if there’s a way to have him removed from the deed. That’s a little more complicated and it’ll require that I talk to Channing since he’s Jake’s next of kin. No way in hell am I going to approach Dell about this. Channing, at least, will be reasonable about this. I’m not asking for any money or anything like that. And really, if I wanted to be a bitch about it I could insist they pay half of the mortgage, but I wouldn’t do that.

I’m not that petty or spiteful.

When we’re finished at the bank we head on to Dr. Ludwig’s office. We get there a little early, but it works out since the appointment before mine was a no-show. Eric stays seated up near my head while Dr. Ludwig does a quick internal exam to check my cervix and whatnot. Everything is good and I’m fucking thankful I remembered to grab a condom because otherwise I would have been mortified. After that she does a quick ultrasound to take a peek at Damian.

“There we go,” she says with a smile when she locates the baby. She points to the screen and says, “There’s the spine… arms… legs… the white flicker there is the heartbeat.”

My eyes well up, just like they did during the last appointment. Eric reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze while I stare at the screen. Dust tickles my nose and I sneeze, which scares the bejesus out of the baby since the tiny arms and legs flail. It makes Eric and Dr. Ludwig laugh, and it’s a good thing she’s take a DVD of this so I can see it later.

“Baby’s looking good,” she says. “Good heartbeat, everything looks to be developing right on schedule. The baby’s a little big for fourteen weeks, but given the size of the father that’s not a surprise. It’s just something we’ll have to keep an eye on down the road in case we need to schedule you for a cesarean.”

“Actually, I um, I’m going to be moving out to Los Angeles to be closer to Eric,” I inform her. “I was hoping you might be able to refer me to someone out that way.”

“Ah, well, congratulations on moving,” Dr. Ludwig smiles at us. “As a matter of fact, there’s a great O.B. I met at a conference last fall by the name of Judith Vardamon. I’m pretty sure she’s practicing out of Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Before you go I’ll get you her office number.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you,” I smile and look over at Eric, who is focused on the screen like the answers to all of life’s questions are written on it. It’s actually really cute.

“Any questions?” Dr. Ludwig asks before she turns off the machine and hands me a couple of napkins to wipe the gel off my bump, which is now the size of a grapefruit.

“How long until we can find out the sex?” Eric asks.

I laugh at his question since it was the same one he asked at the first appointment he came to with me.

“We can take a look at the next appointment and see if the baby feels like showing off,” Dr. Ludwig says. “It’s a little bit early so we may not be able to tell just yet. If not next month, then the month after you should know.”

I’m willing to bet we won’t be finding out until the appointment after next but I know without having to ask that Eric is anxious to find out what’s cooking.

“I’m in no hurry to find out,” I say casually as I wipe off my stomach.

“I am,” he says. “I want to start putting together the nursery.”

“You do?” This surprises me for some reason.

“Yeah, I think it’ll make everything more real, and I want to be as prepared as possible.”

I’m stunned. Honestly. Which one of us is supposed to be nesting here?

“The morning sickness wasn’t real enough?” I joke all the same.

“Has that gotten better for you?” Dr. Ludwig asks, and the conversation shifts to the things I’ve been experiencing over the last six weeks since my last appointment. I had to reschedule so I could be in Los Angeles with Eric.

I tell her about the mood swings, which Eric nods vehemently in agreement with. Jerk. I think it could be way worse, but there’s time for that. The morning sickness has decreased quite a bit but the day before I got sick in the afternoon. In addition to raw meat, I’ve discovered that the smell of peanut butter also makes me nauseous for the time being. That sucks because I love peanut butter.

Since everything looks good and I’m all out of questions, I’m ready to go. Dr. Ludwig leaves the room to get me Dr. Vardamon’s information and I slide off the table to fix the yoga pants I’m wearing.

“I need to go shopping. Almost all of my pants are too small now.”

“Want me to take you?” Eric asks.

“No, I’ll go over the weekend.”

“Alright,” he says. “Wanna go get something to eat then? I’m starving.”

“Me too.”

Dr. Ludwig comes back with the information and then on the way out I stop to make my next appointment. It’ll be my last one before I leave for California and as soon as it’s made Eric puts it in his phone so Stan will make the arrangements and keep his schedule as clear as possible. If something comes up with the new movie and he can’t make it I’ll understand.

“Do you want to go anywhere in particular?” I ask Eric once we’re in the car. It’s nice not having to worry about being mobbed by paparazzi.

“You choose.”

“How about the same diner as last time?” They make awesome soup.

“Sure.”

“Sweet.” I start the car and head that way.

xXx

After lunch I have to stop at the dance studio to pick up some things and when I park I ask Eric if he wants to come in or wait in the car. He’s never been to the studio before and I know Halli’s teaching a tap class at the moment.

“I’ll come in if you don’t think it’ll cause a ruckus.”

“Depends on which moms are in there, to be honest.”

“Let’s have some fun,” he grins.

We get out of the car and Eric opens the door for me when we get to the studio. I walk in like I would any other day and completely ignore the immediate whispers of the waiting mothers in the lobby. Eric follows behind me to the office while I get the things I need from my desk. Of course by the time we come out of the office a few seconds later it’s obvious he’s not only been recognized, but that there are a few middle aged women interested in seeing if he’s willing to father a few more babies.

When they start to circle like lions I step back.

Eric smiles politely and happily signs autographs and takes pictures with every last one of them. It’s good to see him in a good mood. He doesn’t seem to be annoyed by the requests at all. I stand back to let him do his thing and wait patiently until he’s finished.

“You good to go?” I ask when I think he’s done.

“I think so,” he says.

“Then lets go.” I walk to the door and leave the studio with Eric right behind me.

The drive back to the house only takes about ten minutes and as soon as we get inside Eric goes looking for the banana bread I made that morning.

“You could win awards with this stuff,” he says with a mouthful.

“I’m glad you like it,” I chuckle at his chipmunk cheeks.

I take the ultrasound pictures out of my purse and hang a new one on my fridge. I plan on giving one to my parents as well, which gets me thinking about Eric’s parents.

“Have you talked to your parents since the announcement went out that you’re having a kid?” I ask him as I hand over a few of the pictures for him to keep. I don’t know what he’s doing with them, but he always takes what I give him. I assume he’s got them tucked away somewhere.

“I got a phone call from my mom. She said congratulations, asked when you were due, wanted to know if you’d trapped me, then she had to go play golf with Dad.”

“Well… they sound… involved.”

“I do get a Christmas postcard every year,” he says, and takes another big bite.

“That’s… sad.”

“I’m done trying to make them proud,” he shrugs.

“Okay, but doesn’t it make you a little sad that they’re not around more?” I ask. “Maybe it’s just hard for me to grasp since my parents are still such a big part of my life. I’m going to miss them when I move.”

“It’s probably that. I’m not really sad about it because I dealt with it a long time ago,” he says. “I know it’s not about me, it’s about them. Normal people would be proud of all I’ve achieved. They’re the messed up ones.”

“True,” I agree. “I guess it’s better than them just showing up with their hands out trying to take credit for your accomplishments, or worse… stage parents.”

“Exactly,” he smiles. “I think I’m better off with their indifference.”

“As long as it works for you that’s all that matters.” I’m in no position to tell him how to deal with his family stuff. If he’s okay with it, then fine.

“It does,” he nods.

“Sooo… when do you fly out again?”

“Not until tomorrow night.”

“Oh good then you can help me pack,” I tease.

“I’ll give you three hours of packing per one hour of fucking,” he says.

“Are you serious?”

“Slightly.”

“What does that mean?” I laugh. Either he’s serious or he isn’t.

“That I want fucking as much as I want to help you pack, but that the ratio is negotiable.”

“Ah ha. Well, three to one sounds reasonable to me.”

“You don’t want to go two for two?” he asks.

“Slow down there, big fella, or you’ll have me out of commission after the first exchange.”

“The hours can be split up over time,” he shrugs.

“Mmm… I’ll stick to three to one.”

“Damn. I should have thought that through.”

I laugh. “You’ll learn.”

“I hope so,” he sighs. “So where do we start?”

“Mmm… depends? Do you want to pack first or do I need to prepay for your services?”

“If you prepay I won’t have the energy to pack.”

“Good point. You’ll just want to take another nap. I guess we could start in the living room but I’ll wait until you’re done destroying that banana bread.”

“Thanks,” he grins, and stuffs more in his mouth.

I roll my eyes but head to the living room to start assembling boxes. I don’t think I’m going to need to take much with me, but I might as well get started.

EPOV

 Four hours later Sookie and I are a sweat soaked mess on the floor of her living room. I made the most out of that hour I got, but she wore me out so bad I don’t think I’ll be at full strength for a week.

“No more packing tonight,” I say.

“That’s all you got?” she asks breathlessly.

“You are an animal, Sookie,” I smile over at her. “I can’t keep up.”

“Then it’s a good thing I get to trade you in,” she snorts.

“Not cool,” I laugh.

“Oh come on, you’ll find a thousand girls to take my place in like three seconds. You’ll be fine,” she says and pushes herself up slowly so she’s sitting up against the couch.

“Yeah…”

“What? Why do you look like I just kicked your puppy?”

“It’s not that,” I sigh and sit up too. “It’s just… the baby’s starting to look more like a baby and it’s making me think. I don’t know if I can go back to the way things were with other girls. At least not the volume I was doing. I don’t want anyone to be around my kid that’s like that.”

“So does that mean you’re more into the idea of having a girlfriend?” she asks with a raised eyebrow.

“No,” I insist. “Hell no. I just… I don’t know. Going right back to the way things were seems strange now. I need to be more responsible.”

Sookie nods along and tries to hug her knees to her chest, but her bump is in the way.

“We all grow up someday. It’s good that your priorities are shifting a little bit,” she says.

“At the very least, I think I’m not going to bring them back to the house anymore.”

“That’s not a bad idea.”

“I don’t want to take any chances,” I say. “I don’t sleep with famewhores if I can help it, and never with fans, but there’s still women in the industry who’d love to sell a story about us.”

“Oh that would be fun. I can just imagine what Pam would have to say about that,” she snickers.

“She’d cut my cock off.”

“Ha! Yeah, probably,” she agrees with a laugh.

“What about you and Rasul?” I ask.

“What about us?”

“Are you two going to start dating when we break up?”

“I don’t know. I suppose it’s possible and if he asked me out I don’t think I would say no, but right now we’re just friends. He knows the situation we’re in, obviously, but he doesn’t know that we’re sleeping together,” she admits.

“I see,” I nod. “Do you not want him to find out?”

“It’s not really any of his business,” she shrugs. “He’s not my boyfriend and we’re not committed to each other. Who I’m having sex with isn’t his concern as long as I’m not having sex with him too and telling him he’s the only one. If something changes between him and I, then I’ll tell him. Until then, I don’t plan on saying anything about it.”

“Alright, then I’ll keep my mouth shut too.”

“Were you planning on bragging?” she arches an eyebrow at me.

“Not planning necessarily.”

Sookie laughs and says, “So you were just going to be like, ‘oh hey, I saw Sookie the other day and we fucked a bunch, so how’s that dating thing working out for you?’ is that it?”

“No,” I laugh. “I was going to give him advice on the best ways to get you off.”

“Don’t you dare!” she slaps my leg.

I laugh hard and say, “What? You don’t want me to tell him you like getting spanked while you’re being fucked hard?”

“Um, would you want Rasul to tell you how to get your girl off? Put yourself in his shoes.”

“I’m joking,” I smile.

“Good, because if you told him that kind of stuff I’d cut your cock off.”

“I wouldn’t. Guys don’t actually go into that much detail about shit. We stick to stuff like, ‘she’s a wildcat’ or ‘best blowjob of my life.’”

“Got it,” she nods. “Girls are definitely more detailed. Tara wanted to know everything when she found out we slept together.”

I raise an eyebrow at her.

“Oh? And what did you tell her?”

“That it was none of her business,” she laughs. “She was very disappointed.”

“It’s not like she doesn’t know the size of my dick.”

“Which is exactly why she wanted details.”

“So she wanted to know if I have the motion in the ocean along with the size of the boat.”

“Basically, yes.”

“Gimme your phone, I’ll call and tell her,” I smirk.

“No you won’t!” she laughs.

“I gotta get her to want to hook up with me instead of Alcide.”

“Why?”

“I’m just fucking with you, Sookie.”

“Good, because Tara is a wildcard. She could end up talking you into a threeway with Alcide and you don’t strike me as the type that would want to go there.”

“I don’t?” I smirk.

“Nope. I’m guessing you don’t like to share your toys.”

“I’ve had threesomes before.”

“With another guy?”

“No, but I still had to share since the other girl leaned more towards lesbian than straight.”

“Huh… never would have figured you for the type.”

“To have a threesome?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” I ask, genuinely curious.

“I already answered that with the whole share your toys thing. Did I break your brain or something?” Sookie shakes her head and then starts to get up off the floor.

“But that was when you were talking about it being me and another guy with a chick.”

“No, it applies to threesomes in general,” she says and walks out of the room.

I get up and follow her into the kitchen.

“You’re not annoyed, are you?”

“Hungry. I’m ordering pizza.”

“That sounds good,” I say.

Sookie gets out a menu and after we discuss preferred toppings, she calls in the order for us and then heads upstairs to put clothes on.

I go back to the living room and find my boxers, then start packing things up again. We’re almost done with the living room, so we might as well finish it tonight. She’s not taking everything, but going through it all takes time. Sookie comes back downstairs in one of Jake’s old t-shirts and a pair of shorts.

“I thought you were done packing for tonight?” she asks and plops down on the couch.

“Might as well finish up. I figure if there’s only a half hour left I can get a quickie out of you before bed.”

“Always thinking ahead,” she taps her temple and turns on the TV.

“You’re not going to help?” I ask.

“Mmmm… nope.”

“Does this mean you’ll be admitting that I wore you out too?”

“No. I just don’t feel like packing,” she shrugs. “I could go again right now but since you’re busy…”

I drop the box I’m holding and practically pounce on her.

“Eric!” she laughs.

“You said you could go again,” I say, and kiss her neck. “I’ve had sufficient resting time.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to pounce on me.” She’s still laughing.

“Well I did, so what are you going to do about it?”

“I could flip you off of me,” she says confidently. “Or I could wiggle out from under you and when you stand up to grab me I could blow you. You choose.”

“I choose blowjob. Always,” I grin.

Sookie smiles up at me and then starts to wiggle her way out of my hold. I let her, and stand up to grab her when she gets away from me. She pulls my face to hers and kisses me hard. Before I can get too into it she pulls away and drops to her knees with a devious smile on her face.

xXx

The next afternoon we’d managed to pack up most of her clothes. At least the stuff she wasn’t going to be able to fit into anyway. We had lunch and then so much sex that Sookie was pretty much in a sex coma. I was unable to sleep though, and I knew exactly what it was that was bugging me. So I leave Sookie a note that I’ll be back later, and I get in my rental car and drive over to Channing and Dell’s house.

I haven’t spoken to Channing since he called me after Sookie told them she was pregnant, and it’s sucked. I hate knowing that they’re hurting, and that I’m partially to blame for it. They were always like my actual parents.

I walk up to the door and knock, and it doesn’t take long for Channing to open it. I expect him to look angry when he sees me, but he doesn’t. He looks surprised, and maybe a little grateful.

“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in,” he says with a small smile. “How’ve you been, son?”

It feels good to hear him call me that again.

“I’ve been good,” I say. “I came back for Sookie’s doctor’s appointment. I was hoping maybe we could talk.”

“Sure. Come on in. Dell’s out right now so it’s safe,” he says and steps back to let me inside. “How’s Sookie doing? Is the baby healthy?”

“Yeah,” I say as I walk past him. “Apparently a little on the big side, but since I’m the kid’s dad, it’s not surprising.”

“Poor girl,” he shakes his head.

“She’d love to hear from you, you know.”

“I’m working on that. She’s a good girl, I know that. It’s just… it’s not the way it’s supposed to be or the way I thought it would be. But I’m happy to hear she and the baby are doing well.”

“Nothing is the way it’s supposed to be. If it were, Jake would still be here.”

“Very true. Can I get you a drink?” Channing offers.

“Sure,” I nod.

“Tea, scotch, beer, lemonade, water, coffee…”

“Water’s fine.”

“Coming right up. Take a seat in the living room,” he says.

I go sit on the couch and Channing brings me a glass of water, and takes a seat in the recliner.

“So…” he starts, “What brings you by?”

“I haven’t felt right about everything for a while now,” I say. “You and Dell were the only parents I ever really had and Sookie and I were cut off because of anger and grief, and it’s not fair to anyone.”

“None of this is fair,” he says. “And as I’m sure you can understand, we were taken completely by surprise to find out Sookie was pregnant. Now I don’t believe there was an affair like Dell does, and deep down I don’t think she believes it either. I think it’s easier for her to be angry at you and Sookie than it is to be angry at whoever it was that killed Jake. On top of all that, you and Sookie have always been oil and water so we just didn’t see it coming.”

“We still were for a while there,” I say. “We didn’t plan this, it happened out of grief and anger. On top of grieving for Jake and dealing with the guilt of what we did, we now have to prepare for a baby and try to get along. It’s hard on us too.”

“I’m sure it has been.”

“I just want things to be alright again.”

“In time that might happen.”

“Sookie’s moving to L.A. to be closer to me, Channing,” I say. “In June.”

“I know. I’ve talked to her father. I’m glad you’re both moving forward with your lives, but it’s different for parents. We’re not supposed to bury our children. You’ll understand that feeling soon enough.”

“I get it,” I say. “I maybe don’t understand the gravity of the feeling yet, but I get it. I just want you two to make things right with Sookie. She lost Jake too.”

“Someday,” he says, but that’s all he’ll say.

“She didn’t do anything wrong.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s not hurtful.”

“You loved her as a daughter,” I say. “Kids make mistakes, but you still love them. I guess I just hope that you can get past the hurt and understand that we didn’t do this to hurt anyone. It happened to us and hurt us too, but we have to get over it and deal with it.”

“But you see that’s where you’re wrong. You made a choice. You chose your path. We’re just along for the ride. You’re not really here just for Sookie’s benefit; you’re here for yourself so you can feel better about the choices you made. It’s not up to me to give you peace, Eric. It’s your life and you have to live it with or without my forgiveness or approval the same as Sookie does.”

“I didn’t choose this, Channing. We were careful. I’ve tried to find my peace, and I’m dealing with it as best as I can, but it’s hard. I have never had to take care of anyone in my life, and now I have Sookie and a baby, and I don’t know how to deal with that, especially not under these circumstances,” I say, and I can feel myself getting upset.

“You be a man, Eric. You take responsibility and do the best you can to take care of her and your child. She’s a good girl so she’ll take care of you right back. I keep telling myself this unexpected blessing in your life is the silver lining to a very dark cloud. I know if Jake was still here this baby wouldn’t be coming, so maybe that was the master plan. That’s a bitter pill to swallow. It’s hard to accept the possibility that your own child may have died so another could live.”

I nod and try to accept what he’s saying, but it’s hard. I feel like all I need is his forgiveness. Like somehow, if he forgives me, Jake will too. It doesn’t seem like I’m going to get it though, so I stand up. I probably don’t really deserve it, and I have to live with that.

“I should go,” I say. “I’m sorry if I bothered you.”

“No, you didn’t bother me. It’s good to see you. It takes guts to come here. You’ve changed already. Six months ago I don’t think you would have.”

“Six months ago I still took everything for granted,” I say.

“Then my son’s death wasn’t a waste,” he says, and stands up. To my surprise he hugs me and says, “Jake would be proud of you.”

I’m not sure what it is about that hug, but as soon as he hugs me and those words come out of his mouth, I completely break down.

“He shouldn’t have had to die for this to happen,” I say as tears fall down my face.

“That isn’t up to us, son,” Channing grips me tightly. “Bad things happen to good people everyday. You learn from your mistakes, forgive when you can and love like everyday might be your last. I like to think my boy lived that way and I think you can too. You don’t need me to forgive you; you need to forgive yourself.”

“Bullshit,” I say. “I need you to forgive me just as much.”

Channing pulls back, looks me in my eyes and says, “I forgive you.”

“Do you actually mean that?”

“Yes.”

I nod and take a deep breath, and when I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I give him another hug and whisper, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

When we pull apart again I pull my wallet out and take out one of the ultrasound pictures Sookie gave me. I hand it to Channing and say, “That’s our kid.”

“He’s got your big head,” he smiles.

“Don’t ever remind Sookie of that. She may never speak to me again after she delivers.”

“Oh she’ll speak. Mostly to remind you it’s your fault she’ll never get her figure back.”

“So I have years and years of happiness to look forward to?”

“Decades.”

“Awesome,” I laugh.

 

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