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He’s kissing me. Eric is kissing me. I have to be dreaming. This can’t be real. What is he even doing here? I pull away from him quickly, and it obviously bothers him. I hear the girls coming toward us and I know they’re going to want answers. I haven’t told them much about Eric. They know I met someone over the summer, but I never told them how serious it was, or that Eric and I are in love.

The Mae Belles aren’t supposed to fall in love with boys. We got that name because we all have the same middle name. It’s kind of cheesy, but that’s Amelia. We’ve all taken a vow for one reason or another not to let ourselves get too close to any boy. For Amelia it’s because she has a rich daddy and most boys just want her money. For Pam it’s because she doesn’t really have any interest in falling in love. For Tara it’s because the first boy she fell for turned out to be abusive. For me it’s because of Quinn.

I don’t know what to say to Eric. Did he not read my letter? If he’s still wanting to kiss me, I’m betting he didn’t.

“Who’s your friend, Sook?” Pam asks from behind Eric.

I stare up at Eric for a few more seconds, knowing what I’m about to say is going to hurt him but I do it anyway.

“Just a guy I met at Gran’s resort this summer,” I say without looking away from him.

What’s left of his smile fades away.

“Looks like more than friends to me,” Tara says.

“No, just friends,” I speak up before Eric can correct her.

“Say Dreamboat, what do I owe you for the gas?” Amelia asks, and I’m thankful she does because the wounded look on Eric’s face is killing me.

“Seventy-five cents,” he says without looking away from me.

Amelia comes over and tucks a dollar in his shirt pocket. “Keep the change,” she says, and the girls go back to the car.

“Eric, I…” I don’t know what to say.

“Which version of you did I get?” he asks. “Actually, don’t answer that. I got enough of a taste in that letter and just now.”

I hang my head and order myself not to cry. Amelia honks the horn and shouts, “Get a move on, Stackhouse! You two can fall in love later!”

Her words make me flinch. If only she knew.

“Too late for that, huh?” he asks, and then brushes past me to go back inside.

I want to go after him and explain myself, but I don’t know what I could say to make things better. So instead I go back to Amelia’s car and get in the backseat.

“What was that about?” Tara asks.

“Nothing. We just didn’t think we would ever see each other again, that’s all.”

“He looked pretty happy to see you,” Pam says.

“Is he a good kisser? He looks like he’s got good kissing lips,” Amelia chimes in.

“He looks like James Dean,” Tara interjects.

I keep quiet as Amelia drives to the high school a few blocks away. When we get there a large crowd has already assembled. I mostly feel like a heel and I realize I owe Eric an explanation. He’s obviously living around here now so we’re going to keep running into each other. I might as well try to get things somewhat straightened out with him.

A large bonfire gets lit at the center of the football field and I wait until the girls are occupied before I slip away and walk back to the gas station. By then the station is closed for the night. I deflate, thinking Eric is probably gone already. I turn around to leave when the shop door slams behind me and Eric calls my name to get my attention.

I turn around to face him and he understandably doesn’t look happy to see me.

“Oh good, you’re still here,” I say with relief.

“Yeah, and what are you doing here? Not done breaking my heart yet?”

I deserve that and I know it.

“No. I came to say I’m sorry and to explain myself,” I say as I walk over to him.

He stares at me for a moment, and then says, “Start talking, because I’d really love to understand.”

“In my letter I told you that there’s a Sookie you don’t know. That girl has a reputation here for being a tramp and a troublemaker,” I tell him and he looks incredulous.

“Oh come on, you could at least have the decency not to lie to me again.”

“I wish I was. Last year I was seeing a boy named John Quinn. He told me he was falling for me and I really was falling for him. I believed everything he was saying to me. He talked me into going all the way with him and the next day he told everyone what we’d done the night before,” I tell him. “Ever since then, up until I met you, every other boy that has asked me out has expected me to put out like I did for Quinn.”

“Did you?”

“For some of them,” I admit with my eyes on the ground. I can’t look at him. He said he wouldn’t judge me for not waiting, but I doubt he had this in mind when he said that.

“So then I came along, the innocent boy who’d never even kissed a girl,” he says. “Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? I feel like a damn fool now.”

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to think less of me, Eric. Like I said in my letter, I’m not proud of myself. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I was at my Gran’s this summer because my Daddy couldn’t stand to look at me anymore. I never meant to hurt you,” I tell him and try to blink back my tears.

“Dammit, Sookie, don’t cry,” he says.

“It killed me to write that letter. I thought about tearing it up, but I couldn’t do it. You deserve the girl from the beach, but I’m not her. I got to pretend for a little while. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“You think you’re not that girl?” he asks. “Maybe that’s exactly the girl you are. Maybe your parents and this town turned you into something you’re not because of one mistake. Don’t you dare tell me that what we had was you pretending. Don’t ruin it that way.”

“But I wasn’t real, Eric. I lied to you every day. I wanted to tell you the truth so many times, but I couldn’t make the words come out. You deserve someone who will tell you who they really are–”

“You did tell me who you really are!” he shouts. “This version of you that treated me like that, who calls herself a tramp and a troublemaker? That’s the pretend version.”

“How do you know that?” I ask him, unable to look him in his eyes.

“Because you don’t look the least bit sincere when you talk about yourself like this.” Large hands cup my face and make me look up into the prettiest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. “You want to be the girl you were when you were with me. I know it.”

He’s right. I like that girl much better.

“You’re right,” I concede. “I liked being that girl.”

“Then be that girl. Be Sookie.”

It sounds pathetic, but I don’t know if I can be that girl without him and I’m too disgusted with myself to ask him for a second chance. Or maybe I’m just scared he’ll say no. I wouldn’t blame him if he did.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” I say again as I take a step back. “You didn’t deserve it. You were the first thing in a long time that made me happy.”

“Sookie, don’t,” he says, and steps forward.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t run away from me. I still love you.”

“I still love you too, but–”

“But what? I’m here. Out of all the places we could have moved, we moved here. Doesn’t that say something?”

“But I lied to you.”

“You think people haven’t lied before?”

“I know they have but…” I trail off. I’m out of things to say. All I’ve got left is, “I love you.”

“Then be with me,” he says.

I don’t even think twice about it. I smile and then launch myself at him.

EPOV

It feels so good to have Sookie back in my arms. I’m exhausted emotionally, but I feel nothing but relief. I love her so much it hurts.

Her confession stung. I’d really been under the impression that she was a virgin like me. It was obvious that she’d kissed other guys, but that never bothered me. I wanted to be angry with her, but that wouldn’t be fair. She didn’t know me when she was with them. And I know enough about her home life to know that she never got the support she deserved.

I hadn’t yet met this John Quinn either, but if I ever do I’m going to have words with him. If I’m angry about anything, it’s that he did what he did to her. What young girl wouldn’t believe it when a boy says he loves them? He knew exactly what he was doing when he told her that, and he knew what he was doing when he spread it around the school. I get angry too when I think of the shame and embarrassment she endured for the sake of some boy’s ego.

I’m sure I could choose to judge her for the other boys she had sex with, and it does hurt to know that there are others who know what it’s like to be with her that way. But I know I have her heart, which none of them did. I know she deserves someone who will be good to her, like me.

I only hope I can live up to that.

When we finally break apart I keep my arms wrapped around her waist. I don’t want to let her go.

“Can I walk you home?” I ask.

“Not yet,” she says, and pulls me into the shadows around the side of the building.

Sookie doesn’t waste any time before grabbing my face in her warm little hands and pulling me down for a kiss I thought I wouldn’t get to have again for years. I kiss her back, pouring all my love for her into it. I’m sure I’ll have time to think later, but right now all I want is for her to know how grateful I am that she’s here.

“I never thought I’d get to do that again,” I say when we pull apart to breathe.

“I thought you were sure we would see each other again someday,” Sookie says.

“Not after that letter.”

She frowns and says, “For what it’s worth, I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“I know, but if you hadn’t… If you’d just given me your address, I would have known.”

“I was scared.”

I take a deep breath and say, “I know. And I’m sorry. Playing the what if game isn’t going to help matters.”

“It isn’t even about that. Out on the lake it was just you and me. It was like the rest of the world didn’t exist, but it’s not like that here. Here there are guys like Quinn that say nasty things about me, there are things you can’t protect me from and I can’t ignore no matter how hard I try. I was scared if I told you the truth you wouldn’t understand, or maybe you would feel cheated.”

“Why would I feel cheated?”

“Because I’m…” Sookie stalls and her voice drops to a whisper. “Because I’m used.”

“Used?” I ask incredulously. “Sookie, don’t ever talk about yourself that way. You’re not used. In fact, you intimidate me a little because you’re more experienced.”

“Maybe you’re right, but that’s not the way I was brought up. My parents are ashamed of me and everywhere I go here people look at me funny, like being a tramp is contagious and I might infect their kids,” she explains. I open my mouth to argue but she keeps talking. “I know you don’t think so, but I know you can do better than me. I’m damaged, Eric, and not because of what I did with those boys but because of the way it hurt me here,” she says and puts my hand on her chest over her heart and her hand on the side of her head.

“Then let me help you with that,” I say.

“I don’t know how to fix it.”

“We’ll figure it out together, Sookie. It’ll just take time for you to understand that you’re better than you think you are. And I’ll help you in any way I can.”

She nods and wraps me in a hug.

“I don’t know how to fix it, but I know I’ll love you,” I whisper.

“Maybe that’ll be enough,” she says quietly. After a minute she lifts her head and her smile is as bright as the sun. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

I smile back and give her a quick kiss.

“I can’t believe it either. I told you we were meant to be.”

“Looks like you were right.”

“Now can I walk my lady home?” I ask.

“Sure. I’m over on Dove Lane,” she says.

“Whoa.”

“What?”

“I’m on Hummingbird,” I say. “I’ve been a couple blocks away from you all this time.”

“Go figure.”

I take her hand and we walk back out front. I have to let go to grab my bike, but then we’re on our way again.

“Want to walk to school with me in the mornings?” I ask.

“Normally I go with the girls,” she says. “But I suppose I could walk with you instead.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to,” she says quickly.

“Are your friends not going to like me or something? The one, Amelia, she wanted my number.”

Sookie laughs and says, “I’m not surprised. They were asking about you in the car.”

“What’d you tell them?” I ask. I’m guessing it wasn’t the truth.

“They know we spent time together this summer, but I didn’t tell them how serious it was.”

“Will you tell them the truth about it now?”

“I will, I promise. I didn’t before because I didn’t want their sympathy. Plus I liked the idea of keeping you all to myself.”

“I like the idea of that too,” I smile.

“I’d much rather have it this way.”

“That might be a problem eventually,” I say. “Your parents might want to meet me.”

“I guarantee they will. Probably soon. When Gran brought me home she gave both of ’em a good tongue lashing.”

“Really? What’d they do to deserve that?”

“They were just being themselves. She reminded Daddy that it’s not his job to judge me, and she told Mama that she shouldn’t be defending the boys that abused me,” Sookie says.

“She was defending them?” I ask. “Your parents are awful.”

Sookie stays quiet and her eyes start watching her feet while we walk.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“It’s just that even if my parents are awful, they’re all I’ve ever had,” she says. “It’s hard not to defend them.”

I stop walking and reach for her hand again.

“I’m sorry,” I apologize.

“It’s okay,” she says. “You’re right. I could just never let myself think about it in those terms. If I did I would have to admit that… never mind.”

“Admit what?” I ask. “Remember that you can talk to me, Sookie.”

“I know, but once I say it, it’s out there. I’m not ready for it to be out there yet.”

“Well you know you can tell me when you’re ready,” I say. I don’t want to pressure her to say anything she doesn’t want to say.

“I do.” Sookie squeezes my hand.

I smile at her and we start walking again. When we get to her house I walk her up to the front door. There’s a couple lights on inside, but I don’t know if she’s ready for me to meet any of her family yet or not.

“Is it safe to kiss you goodnight?”

“Sure,” she smiles.

I lean down and place a gentle kiss on her lips.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” I ask. “I only work until four.”

“Yes, you can. I don’t have any plans, so I’m all yours.”

“How about having dinner with me?”

“I would like that very much.”

“Wonderful,” I smile. “I’ll pick you up at five.”

“I’ll be here. Will you say hello to your folks for me?”

“Definitely,” I say, and give her another kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Walk safe,” she winks at me.

“I will,” I smile, and walk backwards down the steps.

“Sweet dreams, Eric.” Sookie blows me a kiss before she slips into the house.

I ride my bike home with a big smile on my face, and when I go up to bed I feel light and happy for the first time in a long time. I just hope it wasn’t all a dream.

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