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“I miss you,” I said when Tara picked up. I hoped that talking to her would get my head on straight. Eric had tried but he just wanted to cheer me up and that wasn’t what I needed. I needed someone to tell me I wasn’t being unreasonable for being so worried about the baby and all the other stuff.

“Well that’s one way to start a conversation,” she said. “I miss you too. You don’t sound good.”

“I had a bad night last night,” I told her.

“With the baby?”

“The baby’s fine. No bleeding or cramping, but I cried myself to sleep.”

“Oh honey. What for?”

“I don’t even really know. I think it’s an awful cocktail of stress and baby hormones.” I went into the kitchen to start water for tea.

“Been there,” she sighed. “What’s been going through your head?”

“Well I almost died, so there’s that. I’m worried that even though I didn’t lose the baby something could be wrong that my doctor doesn’t know about yet. I’ve got Alcide sniffing around wanting to be friends again. Debbie is in jail right now, but I’m afraid she’s going to get bailed out and come after me…” I trailed off.

“First of all, you don’t owe Alcide the time of day after the way he treated you. Secondly, Debbie isn’t going to get out. I understand your worry there, but she’s behind bars. As for the baby, that worry probably won’t go away until that baby is born and you see with your own eyes that it’s just fine. Lastly, have you talked to your doctor about the idea that you might be going through some post traumatic stress?”

“No, but I was so focused on getting myself well enough to go home that I didn’t really let myself think about the trauma I’d been through. I did see a psychiatrist while I was there, but I was still in denial at that point,” I explained.

“You should make an appointment, honey. Your mental well being is just as important as your physical when it comes to that baby growing inside you. I’d hate to see all of it manifest in a nasty case of post-partum depression.”

I took a deep breath and said, “You’re right. Plus Eric left for Kansas this morning so I’m here alone. Jason’s coming over after work, but I told him he doesn’t have to stay the night. Being alone in the house freaks me out, though. Like just being here right now in the middle of the day is spooky. I hate that Debbie made my home feel like an unsafe place.”

“I hate that too. You may overcome that in time, but I think you’re going to need a little help with it. And if you feel safer with Jason there, please make him stay. It’s okay to be afraid. And it’s okay to worry constantly about your baby.”

“Thank you.” I released the breath I was holding. “I’m sorry to dump all of this on you.”

“Never be sorry for that. I dumped a lot on you when I was pregnant and you always listened.”

“Why didn’t you tell me the hormones were going fuck me up so bad?” I laughed.

“It’s not something a woman understands until she feels it,” she chuckled. “Do you feel better now?”

“Yes, I do, thank you. So when are you coming out?”

“Not as soon as I’d like, but definitely in time to do you up a kickass baby shower.”

“Boooooooo.”

That was a serious disappointment. I had been counting on seeing her soon.

“We’ll see if I can swing it sooner,” she said. “In the meantime, tell me about that hot hunk of man meat you’re sleeping with. He’s on my TV all the time, and damn, girl.”

“He’s great. Even better looking in person and good lord, is he tall, but he’s sweet and so damn sexy,” I told her. “He asked me to marry him when I was in New York.”

“What?!”

“I think it was the orgasms talking. I told him it was too soon to be talking about it.”

“Or he looooooves you,” she giggled.

“He does, but marriage is a big deal and I’ve got enough on my plate without adding planning a wedding to my to-do list.” I pulled the tea kettle off the stove and poured hot water into my mug.

“Honey just go to Vegas, put a ring on it, and spend a long weekend fucking that sexy man’s brains out.”

I snorted. “Tara, I like him a lot but I’m not in love with him. I’m not going to marry him just because he’s sexy.”

“I hope you fall for him. I might steal him for myself when I get up there.”

“You would not. You love your husband. Even if your dog is smarter than he is,” I giggled. JB was a sweetheart, but he wasn’t very bright.

“I do love that man,” she laughed. “But don’t you dare let go of Eric. It sounds like he’s doing everything right.”

“He is. He’s been amazing.”

“Are you close to loving him?”

“Yes, I think I am. I just want to make sure it’s not just the sex I’m in love with,” I told her.

“And what of the sex?” she asked. “I need to live through you because I’m not getting any right now.”

“That sucks. The sex is great. Of course I started crying last night while we were doing it, but yeah…”

“Whoa, what? While you were doing it?”

“Yep. I don’t even know why. One minute I was on my way to happy time, and the next I was crying into the mattress so he wouldn’t freak out thinking he hurt me,” I said as I walked into the living room.

“Oh honey. That’s… that sucks.”

“Uh huh. Usually I don’t cry during sex. That hasn’t happened since my first time.” I sat down on what used to be Gran’s favorite chair.

“That was for a whole other reason though,” she said.

“Well yeah. Bill didn’t know what he was doing,” I laughed.

“I still hate that asshole,” she sighed. “But Eric knows right? Those close up shots of his hands on TV are divine.”

“Oh Eric knows,” I assured her.

“Good boy. I’ll have to high five him when we meet. And beg him to cook for me. JB isn’t allowed in the kitchen.”

“Good. Call. And I’m sure Eric won’t have a problem cooking for you.”

“Excellent,” she said like Mr. Burns, and then I heard one of the kids crying in the background. “Duty calls.”

“Bubble wrap those little monsters,” I laughed. “I’ll talk to you later. Give them kisses from Auntie Sookie.”

“I will. I love you sweetie. Call me anytime, okay?”

“I will. I love you too,” I said, and then hung up.

I drank my tea and started a load of laundry. I wanted to go to the restaurant to see how things were going, but I decided to take a nap instead. Back in my bedroom, I took off my yoga pants and got into bed. I hadn’t slept very well the night before and I wanted to try and stay on top of things where getting a good amount of rest was concerned.

I fell asleep easily and woke up when the doorbell rang. I looked at the clock and realized almost three hours had passed since I passed out. I rolled onto my back to stretch and the bell rang again.

“Hang on a minute,” I muttered like whoever was at the door could hear me. I knew it wasn’t Jason since he had a key.

After I got out of bed, I pulled my pants back on and made my way to the front door. Through the living room window I could see Alcide’s truck parked outside.

That didn’t take long.

“Alcide, what are you doing here?” I asked when I opened the door for him.

“I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing,” he smiled.

“Oh, I’m fine,” I said. I really didn’t want to give him more than that.

“Well I heard Jason say he took your friend to the airport so I thought I’d stop and see you.”

“Eric’s my boyfriend,” I reminded him. “And how nice of you to swoop in when he’s not here.”

“What? That’s not what I’m doing. I thought we were going to try to be friends,” he said. “And if Eric’s your boyfriend then why did he leave?”

“He had to fly to Kansas to tape another episode of his show,” I explained. “And I only said that because you have this knack for appearing when he’s not around.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose. I really care about you.”

“Oh you do, huh? You didn’t care six months ago when you were rubbing your relationship with Debbie in my face,” I stared at him.

“Oh come on,” he sighed. “What was I supposed to do? You left me, remember?”

“Because I got tired of your bullshit promises. Why do you even want to be friends, Alcide? You never cared before. All you ever wanted was a willing vagina and great tits.”

“It wasn’t like that. I just fell in love with two girls at once and didn’t know what to do.”

“That has to be the oldest line in the world,” I laughed. “Why would I want to be friends with someone that didn’t think I was good enough to be with legitimately?”

“What, you think you’re good enough for city boy? You think he’s going to be here for you? At least I’m here. He’s going to fly off to his fancy city restaurants and to film his shows. He’s a celebrity, and you think he will be faithful to you?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, but not in as tough a voice as I should have.

“I’m a man who’s cheated and you think I don’t know? The guy has been all over tabloids dating other celebrities. What do you think it is about you that’s going to make him be faithful when he’s not even around all the time?” he asked. “Maybe you should think about leaving him like you left me.”

“No,” I shook my head. “Eric’s not like that.”

“All men are like that,” he scoffed. “Just google him once. Look at his dating history.”

“Is this you being my friend, or do you just want to hurt me?”

“I’m being your friend,” he insisted. “Once you have the baby and lose your figure, do you really think he’s going to stick around? His trips will get longer and longer, and then one day you’ll see pictures of him with some beautiful celebrity and start collecting child support checks.”

All of my self-doubt came rushing to the surface and I burst into tears. I didn’t want to think Alcide was right, but what if he was?

“I’m sorry,” he said, and tried to pull me into a hug.

“No you’re not. I bet it makes you happy to see me cry,” I said, and pushed him away from me. “If this is you being a friend, you suck at it.”

“You’ll thank me one day when I’m right,” he said coldly.

“You know, I hope you and Debbie can work things out. You deserve each other,” I said, and slammed the door in his face.

Unfuckingbelievable.

I don’t know why I even bothered. Stupid me felt sorry for him and this is what I get. I should have known better. I really, really should have known.

Alcide drove away, spraying gravel everywhere as he went and I rolled my eyes. Dick.

I went back to the kitchen to get my phone and then I dialed Eric’s number. I was still sniffling when he picked up.

“Hey sweetheart,” he answered.

“Hi,” I said, and took a deep breath. “How was your flight? I’m not bothering you, am I? I can call back later.”

“No, of course not. I’m just settling in at the hotel before I have to go out and meet with the crew to do some shots. The flight was good. Is everything okay?”

“No,” I sniffled again. “Alcide just stopped by and informed me that it’s only a matter of time before you cheat on me and I end up collecting child support and raising our kid alone.”

There was a beat of silence before he almost exploded.

“Are you fucking kidding me? He has the nerve to tell you that I’m going to cheat? He doesn’t even know me!”

“I know. He thinks he knows because he cheated, so I guess that means you’re going to, too.”

“Does he think every man is predestined to be a cheater? That’s so fucking insulting,” he ranted. “Sookie, I wouldn’t do that to you. I’ve never cheated on anyone, and there’s no way the extent of my fatherhood will amount to writing a check every month.”

“I know,” I nodded. “He thinks that after I have the baby you won’t want me anymore. You know when I have all the extra baby weight and my parts start sagging.”

I was having enough body image issues without Alcide bringing that shit up.

“I love you, Sook. That means that no matter how much baby weight you have, no matter how long it takes you to lose it, no matter how much your boobs sag, I’m still going to love you. I didn’t fall for your boobs, I fell for you.”

“I know,” I sniffled. “I slammed the door in his face after I told him that he and Debbie deserve each other.”

“Good,” he said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to see it.”

“So am I. I would have enjoyed watching you punch him in the face,” I told him.

“I’m glad, because I would have.”

“He would have deserved it. He said he was trying to be a friend, but I think he just gets off on seeing me cry.”

“He’s emotionally manipulative is what he is.”

“And a fucking sadist.”

“Does this mean you won’t be trying to be friends with him anymore?” he asked.

“I think it’s safe to say he ruined any chance he had at being friends.”

“I can’t say that I’m sorry to hear it.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think you would be too disappointed.”

“I’m sorry he upset you,” he said calmly. “You have enough to worry about right now.”

“Which is why I slammed the door in his face,” I sighed. “I bet you he’ll be back, though.”

“If he does, threaten him with that shotgun of yours.”

I laughed and said, “I should sleep with it in the bedroom just in case while you’re gone.”

“Just take it out before I get back,” he said. “And I will be back as soon as possible.”

“I know you will. Eat some amazing barbecue for me while you’re there.”

“I will. And one day I’ll take you with me and let you get some for yourself.”

“Sounds like a great idea. I should get dinner started. I’ll call you before I go to bed,” I told him.

“Okay,” he said. “I love you, Sookie.”

“I love you too.” The words just fell out of my mouth, but it felt right.

“What?”

“I love you too, Eric,” I repeated. It sucked that I was saying it for the first time over the phone, but there it was.

“Wow,” he said. “I was not expecting hearing that to feel this good.”

“I’m sorry I’m saying it over the phone, but it’s better than not saying it, right?”

“It’s way better than not saying it,” he said. “You don’t realize how happy you just made me.”

“You can reenact it for me when you get back,” I smiled. “Have fun in Kansas.”

“I will do my best. And the next time I ask you to marry me, you better say yes.”

“We’ll see. I love you.”

“That’s three times you’ve said it. No going back now,” he said, and I could practically hear his grin.

“You’re adorable,” I said. “Okay, I have to go. Junior’s hungry.”

“Okay, go feed my baby. And get some rest. I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay. I’ll call you later,” I said and hung up.

It was amazing how much better I felt. Fucking Alcide better stay the hell away from me. I was so done with him. This time for good.

♥  ♥  ♥

Sookie loved me back, and I was cursing the fact that I was stuck in Kansas City when all I wanted to do was kiss her. I’d never felt that happy when any of my other girlfriends had said it, but I hadn’t loved any of them the way I loved Sookie.

With Sookie, I felt like I could be with her for the rest of my life. I saw us raising more than just the one baby together. Maybe one day we’d open a restaurant together or travel the world. There were so many places I wanted to take her one day, so many people I wanted her to meet. I’d trained under some world-renowned chefs that Sookie would die to meet. She was the only woman who truly understood my passion for food, and I understood hers equally.

I had to leave after we got off the phone to go film some pick up shots and do the practice cooking of the throwdown item. In this case it was ribs. Usually we did the practice cooking in the Food Network kitchens, but they made an exception for me because of what was going on with Sookie. The next day I’d be doing the throwdown, which took much longer to do than it looked when the episodes aired. While I waited for shots to be set up I thought about Alcide and what he’d said to Sookie.

He really was a fucking asshole, and I hoped I never ran into him. He had a lot of nerve showing up at her house at all, especially when I wasn’t there. I had no doubt that he didn’t really want to be her friend. He was looking for an in, and planting seeds of doubt in her head, which was a fucked up thing to do to a hormonal pregnant woman.

Sookie called back that night and we talked for a couple hours before I had to go get some sleep. I felt butterflies when I talked to her still, and I couldn’t stop thinking about seeing her again. As crazy as it would have seemed to me months ago, I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it now.

The throwdown went well and I finally took a win again. I’d lost the last three in a row, so it felt good to win even though the scores were close. In my opinion they always should be. These people were the best at what they did and it honestly didn’t matter if I lost every single challenge. I still loved doing the show.

When I left Kansas City I flew right to New York and my first stop was at one of my restaurants to meet with Pam. She was busy when I got there, so I went right to the office and started looking over the numbers. Everything looked excellent and we’d had a busy couple of weeks. The nightly manager notes looked good too. Minimum issues with staff and no customer complaints. Food cost numbers looked good, and our take was as excellent as ever. It just cemented the fact that my babies would be fine without me being involved every day.

I was just printing off some documents I was going to need for Pam’s raise paperwork when she came in looking exhausted.

“You look frazzled,” I said, knowing how much she hated that word.

“I was here early to sign for the liquor vendor,” she said. “I don’t trust Barry to sign for it. He never counts anything.”

“Smart move,” I said, and when the papers printed off I started filling them out. “So, about this bonus of yours…”

“What about it?” Pam sat down and took her stilts off.

“I’m trying to decide just how much you deserve. You are getting a raise with the promotion after all.”

“I suppose something in the six figure range is unlikely,” she smirked.

“For a bonus, very much so,” I chuckled. “How did Chow take his firing?”

“Like the douchebag he is. He called me the D word, like I haven’t been called worse.”

I snorted. “As long as he didn’t break anything I think he couldn’t have taken it better.”

“He didn’t, but I ran into him three days ago. He made some lame comment about how it’s a shame it’s not the 1950s anymore or I’d be in the kitchen where I belong. So I told him it’s too bad we’re not in China or he would have been aborted,” Pam said.

“He should have known better than to verbally spar with you,” I said, and handed her over the paper that showed she was getting a five thousand dollar bonus.

“My shoe closet thanks you.”

“I thought it might,” I smiled. “So what’s the status with Felicia?”

“She’s doing really well, thank fuck. I really didn’t want to have to hire from the outside. I probably would have pulled someone from another restaurant to cover.”

The good thing about running three restaurants was that we could easily move staff around if the need arose. We asked them to volunteer if they wanted to since they could earn bigger tips at certain ones during certain shifts. They then had to learn the new menu and pass a test before being able to move around. A lot of them were qualified.

“I’m glad. I think we should go ahead and officially offer her the position and get the paperwork going,” I said. “And what about Clancy? Have you talked to him about taking your position?”

“Consider it done, and yes I have. He’s interested but holding out until I have a formal offer for him.”

“Then let’s make him one,” I said. “Do you think he should be making your salary?”

“I’d go a little lower,” she said. “I was working for you for years before I was making that.”

“That’s what I was thinking. How about ten grand more than he’s making now? That still puts him about ten less than your current.”

“That’s reasonable.”

“Alright, I’ll get that paperwork going too, and then we can call him in here and make the offer,” I said. “And how are things going for you running all three babies right now? Any complaints or questions?”

“Not to my knowledge. I’ve been on a rotation so I’m at each place two days a week and I’m always reachable by cell phone. I haven’t had to put out any fires yet.”

“Good. As soon as Sookie is back at it I’ll be back here to train you up right. Then I’ll be moving down there.”

“Cherry should come for a visit before the bun in her oven gets too big,” Pam suggested. “And you should remind her that it’s legal to be topless in public here.”

“You don’t stand a chance, Pam. She told me she loves me back,” I smiled.

“Who says I want a chance? I just want to see for myself if those marvelous tits are real or not,” she said without a hint of shame.

“Oh they’re real,” I grinned. “Very, very real.”

“I want to see for myself. Your word means nothing.”

“Then you’ll have to keep wondering,” I shrugged.

“You’re no fun.” Pam put her shoes back on. “I have to go check on the kitchen.”

“Okay. Drag Clancy in here when things slow down.”

“You got it,” she said on her way out.

After I finished up the paperwork I headed out to the dining room to greet some customers. They were always thrilled to meet me, and I was happy to make the people who were spending their hard earned money on my food happy too.

Pam and I made Clancy the offer after things slowed down, and he graciously accepted. Pam was going to start his training right away, and when I got back from Louisiana I’d start Pam’s. Everything was working out so smoothly, and it made me feel like I’d made the right decision.

When I got back to my apartment I started packing some clothes in my spare suitcases to take with me back to Sookie’s. I’d have to pay out the ass for the extra luggage, but I needed to get more stuff down there. The other problem was that her house was fully furnished. If I was keeping my apartment it wouldn’t be a problem, but I didn’t know what I’d do with my stuff if I wasn’t.

Once I got settled in with some food I called Sookie.

“Hello love,” I said when she answered.

“Hi,” she said through a yawn. “How was your day?”

“Long, but I already accomplished a lot. I should be back as planned,” I said. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired, at the moment, but I think I hit the horny stage of pregnancy,” she informed me.

“Why did that happen while I’m here?”

“Because you have bad timing?”

“Apparently,” I sighed. “But it’s on when I get back.”

“Oh you don’t even know the half of it,” she said. “I have never felt anything like this in my life.”

“Oh yeah? Like everything is turning you on?”

“Pretty much. It’s a little embarrassing how much time I spent in bed today because of it.”

“Maybe you should DVR some episodes of Throwdown and have some fun with that.”

“Nah, I have better memories than that to motivate me, not that it takes much.”

“Just how many times have you gotten off today?” I ask.

“You don’t want to know,” she laughs.

“Oh yes I do.”

“Five.”

“Shit,” I muttered. “Just think about how many times it’ll be when I’m there to help.”

“Don’t get me started.”

“I can’t wait to get back to you.”

“I can’t wait until you’re back,” she said.

“I’ll be there in the afternoon two days from now.”

“I’m counting down the minutes.”

“Me too,” I smiled. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m going to go so I can get some sleep. Maybe if I get everything done early I can catch an earlier flight and surprise you sooner.”

“That would be fun, but take your time. I’ll be here whenever you get back.”

“We’ll see what happens,” I said. “Get some rest, okay?”

“I will,” she promised.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight,” Sookie said. She blew me a kiss and then hung up.

I definitely went to bed with a smile on my face. I didn’t sleep very well. Those nights happened when I was with her.

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